Nat Thoughts: Diaries of a Darkshire Girl

[Natasha Ebonlocke]

January the Twelfth

The workshop was an utter mess this morning.

Even by Celeste’s usual standards, the workshop, usually piled with partially-completed projects and scattered tools, now also featured piles of broken things. The gyromatic micro-adjuster sat on top of the arclight spanner, and a pile of what looked like some kind of broken brackets sat next to the broken tools, partially spilled over top of them. Several unrecognizable gizmos lay in pieces around the workshop, and, below the workbench, Dordy lay curled up in his usual spot… except this time, to take cover.

Celeste was smudged in soot, having tried to repair a motor that had begun running badly on the Flying Nosebleed, only to have it surge once, belch black smoke all over her, and then fall into a handful of separate pieces. Her hands and fingers were calloused, and she had a bandage on her left forearm. Her floppy hat lay on a pile of assorted spare parts, and her hair was messed up and a little blackened. It was not a good day in the workshop!

For now, Celeste was trying to weld together a box of even parts white and black trillium, and it was not going well. The welding torch kept going out, the box’s sides kept somehow ending up out of alignment before she could even weld them, and the ores themselves had taken all the previous evening to find to begin with. It had not been a good time!

Nat sat at the workbench with Celeste, hoping to provide some comfort with her presence there, as Celeste was getting especially frustrated by this point. Her diary lay open before her, as did her cherrywood quill cast and her inkwell of purple ink. She was trying to write through various misfortunes of her own, and it was quite trying!

This entry, however, seems to have a particular paragraph near the end written all in gibberish:

Dear diary,

Gosh, it has been one seriously unlucky week! Outside of a super fun game of Deathrolls in the Dalaran Beer Gardens (which, fortunately, happened before the beginning of our bad luck), the misfortunes have been stacking up!

It all started with a trip up the big Serpentspine River in the Jade Forest. Celeste wanted to take out her new sonar for a spin, the one she found in the book of Angler’s Engineering I got her for Winter Veil that shows fish in the water, as well as the floor of a shallow part of the ocean or a river. Celeste built one from the parts we brought back from Mechagon immediately, and she’s even improved it to scan beyond thirty feet, reaching depths of what now seems like fifty feet! She wanted to put it through its paces and map the floor of the Serpentspine River, so we called our ace pilot friend Penny up to see if she wanted to hang out too, and she did, so away we went!

We zoomed right to the mouth of the river, making our way in and starting up the river. The scenery changed as we got away from the shore. Tall, vibrant bamboo stretched tall on either side of the narrow river. Green, leafy walls that gave the impression that the river was in a canyon rather than surrounded by a dense forest full of birds and animals. Only the soft puttering of the Wave Dancer’s engine and the low beeps of Celeste’s sonar disturbed the silence. Even Dordy, staring through the glass bottom through the clear waters at the small fish swimming underneath, didn’t bark. It was as if everyone had agreed, without speaking, to respect the quiet stillness of the bamboo sentries.

“There’s something up ahead,” Celeste finally said, “ten feet or so. A dip in the river’s bottom. Much deeper. Strange, though, as there’s no waterfall or rapids. Nat, can you see anything?”

Celeste sat in my chair up near the front of the boat. The seat had been converted to a scientific station for the trip. Celeste’s prototype sonar was bolted to a wooden table next to the chair. Wires snaked out if it to another device to her left on the deck of the boat. The device printed put a rough sketch of the river, needles with ink moved back and forth according to the signals sent from the sonar.

Meanwhile, Penny carefully steered the Wave Dancer along the river, listening to Celeste and I with interest. I was perched at the very tip of the boat, watchful for debris and confirming with my eyes what the sonar predicted.

Peering through the clear waters, I could see the rotted remains of what looked like bamboo walls to each side of the river, as well as pilings for a dock or footbridge. Nothing that would impede the Dancer, though Penny would likely prefer to be warned to evade the obstacles anyway. Most intriguing was that the bottom of the river dropped down dramatically. What had caused that?!

Leaning further over the ledge, I saw something at the bottom of the river, at the deepest point. Something that glimmered. A flash of red?

I looked closer at the flash of red, now even more intrigued. The last time such a thing had happened, a whole campaign to collect a suit of armor scattered around the world had begun!

"Hang on!" I called back. "Hold position here a moment!"

I turned an about-face as the boat drifted forward much slower now, Penny drawing it to a stop. I darted to the see-through floor next to Dordy, looking down with him.

"I see a bunch of wood and stuff... bamboo reflections... I think there used to be a dock or some kind of bridge right on this spot, but the interesting thing is, it's all down in this deep pit that looks like a waterfall carved it out – though obviously there's no waterfall right here – and, amongst the rubble, something shiny and red!"

“Hmm…” Celeste replied from the ship’s science station. “The sonar detects some kind of structure or at least what remains of it, see there? Those lines in a square? Maybe it’s just the base of the support for that footbridge you suggested. There’s something more dense down there though, at the center of the structure. See it? It’s kinda blocky. Let’s investigate! Whatever is down there has probably been lost for a while, considering how deep the river is and the age of the ruins! Penny, could you get us close to shore? We’ll tie the boat in place, okay?”

Celeste let me peek at the sonar screen, and then, when everyone had seen enough, shut off the machine. Or she tried to. For some reason, every time she shut it off, it turned right back on.

“Must be a fault with the switch. A short circuit…” Celeste muttered as she bent down to disconnect the power cell feeding the sonar and printer.

While Penny and Celeste got the boat docked, I got Dordy into his bubble. Dordy went nuts at the sight of me getting it out. He was certainly eager for a swim!

I had, anticipating a potential swim, gotten Dordy's bubble handy and my bikini on. I was all for diving down and taking a peek!

"What do you think that structure is?" I asked after Dordy was set in his bubble, rolling himself around the deck. "Maybe some sort of drilling platform to get down to rubies or something?"

“Material gain isn’t really part of Pandaren culture,” Celeste replied, a thoughtful expression on her face. “Those bamboo structures look old, but not old enough to be Mogu. I really don’t know. You’re all set, so you’ll find out!” Celeste grinned at me, moved closer to kiss her and whispered in my ear, “Be careful down there. I’ll tie a rope to Dordy’s bubble. The current isn’t strong, but we don’t want him to stray, either.” Penny tossed her one end of a rope while she fastened the other end to the boat. Celeste attached it to the top of Dordy’s bubble, then got him on the railing, ready to go overboard. “Ready! Bring us back a nice treasure!” Celeste said, cheering with Penny at the thought.

She released the anchors holding the bubble in place. Always eager to explore underwater, Dordy yipped and yapped and started peddling and activating the pedal to go down.

I waited for Dordy's rope to be secured at both ends, then sat on the railing of the Wave Dancer and let myself fall over backwards into the water, diver style. Dordy kerplunked into the water beside me when Celeste let him go, and was already barking at nothing as he dove and looked around for something to chase. With nothing immediately present, he responded to me knocking gently on his bubble and waving him down. Before heading downward, me took a look upward as I got under the boat, and giggled through my water-breathing spell to see Celeste's and Penny's wiggly, distorted faces through the bottom of the boat, looking down at us.

With a grin and a thumbs-up to them both, I dove for the source of the red shine, wondering what revered cultural artifact was down here, lost in the bottom of this river pit...

Although this part of the river was deeper, it wasn't as bad as an ocean so I quickly reached the bottom. The afternoon light was still strong when I found what had caught my attention. There, sitting on mud at the bottom of the river, was a small chest. It looked to be made of some kind of heavy metal. Lead, maybe, or some other alloy I couldn't easily identify. The lid hung askew off its hinges. Upon closer inspection, I noticed the hinges looked broken. Compared to the rest of the chest, which had clearly been made with some skill, judging by the workmanship, it was odd that only the hinges were damaged. Still, what really caught my eyes was the jade figurine of a monkey still wrapped in a soggy brown-colored cloth. The top of the cloth had come unraveled, leaving the head of the monkey statue uncovered. The animal's eyes were carved out of small, polished rubies. The sun must have hit them at just the right angle for me to be able to see them; they were rather small. The figurine was no more than eight inches tall and featured a monkey with its long arms wrapped around its knees as it sat. Its face looked like it was grinning or smiling. It wasn't typical Pandaren craftsmanship, and I couldn't quite place who would have carved it.

Just then, an alarmed yip from Dordy drew her attention upwards. The mechanism that allowed Dordy to move forward – the paddled ring around the sphere – seemed to be malfunctioning. Though Dordy was trying to make it move, the ring didn't budge. I had just enough time to see the sphere being carried away by the river's current. It didn't take long for me to see the rope attached to the top of the bubble go taut, and I could see the blurry image of Celeste as she hauled it back to the Dancer. Oh gosh! Dordy!

Intrigued as I was by the jade monkey with the ruby eyes, I instantly let it drop back into the chest and went for the more immediate need – Dordy's. I swam upward to take the bubble and turn it to where I could see the paddled ring around the sphere, trying to see if there was a fix possible right away. But, with the current pulling Dordy downstream and Celeste trying to reel him in, I decided instead to help her, kicking upward while pushing the bubble to the surface. The jade monkey would have to wait for now!

With Penny’s help, we managed to haul the Dordy Bubble on board with some effort, as it’s meant to be anchored in its socket on the side. Celeste had opted for that method because of just this reason – lifting the bubble with Dordy out of the water wasn’t easy!

“I don’t understand!” Celeste said after releasing Dordy and checking to make sure he was ok. The pup looked thrilled about the ride he had been given, his happy expression showing no fear or anxiety. Celeste looked at the mechanism with Penny, trying to see what went wrong. “I always make a precautionary maintenance on the bubble every weekend. It was fine!” Clearly distraught about almost losing Dordy, Celeste doesn’t even think about asking Nat if she found anything.

My thoughts were also only for Dordy and his safety. Forgotten in the pit was the statue. I peered over the bubble with Celeste and Penny, pursing my lips as I thought. Only after Dordy hopped into my arms and licked at my face was she satisfied that he was okay, and only then did my thoughts return to what we were diving for to begin with.

"What if the Dordy Bubble is actually just fine?" I mused. "What if something about our find – that was a jade monkey with ruby eyes, by the way – caused the malfunction? Strange magics have long been associated with mechanical faults. You know, compasses going nuts when flying through an area thick with magic, gizmos going haywire, stuff like that. That's the only thing I can think of right off the top of my head."

Celeste pulled a screwdriver from one of her pockets and removed the ballast casing, exposing the bearings and seals of the paddle ring that allows Dordy to move the bubble.

“There’s the reason!” Celeste said, picking at the paddle ring and pulling out a small but rigid bamboo twig. “Looks like a little piece of piece of bamboo got stuck in the between the paddle ring and the bubble. I guess I must’ve forgotten to properly set the seals when I did my check-ups on it. Hmm…” She frowned as she tossed the twig away and continued checking the bubble. “That’s really not like me to be sloppy about things like this… I guess I was too distracted by that engineering book you gave me…” She said, sounding only half convinced.

“That’s an interesting theory, Nat,” Celeste said afterwards. “I’ve never heard of magic that causes these kinds of problems, but I would make sense.” She leaned over the side of the Wave Dancer, trying to see the figurine. “So if that’s really the case, we can’t just leave it there to cause problems for the next passer-by, can we?”

I grinned mischievously at Celeste's pretext for making another dive for the statue, yet the grin disappeared as the simple logic of Celeste's statement sank in. Who knows what sort of potentially harmful mischief the artifact might wreak if someone else might happen by it?

"Pandaria being so much more traveled now that outsiders know of its existence, it's only a matter of time before it happens..." I said slowly. "I suppose we should at least relocate it. But if we dive again, maybe an arcane ward and a waterbreathing spell should be in effect, and no tech going down? I can make another dive!"

“I agree,” Celeste nodded in reply. “Let’s not taunt this thing, whatever it is. Be careful down there, okay? We’ll watch you in case you get into trouble.”

"I promise," I nodded. "See you in a minute!"

I sat on the side of the boat and dropped backwards, diver-style again, my waterbreathing spell refreshed. Swimming down, down, down to the bottom of the pit, I took up the monkey statue again, this time taking care to wrap it back up in its cloth and keep it totally covered. Turning myself upright again, I shoved off from the bottom with both feet, heading toward the surface, the heavy statue in my hands. Through the boat's transparent bottom, I could see Celeste, Penny, and Dordy peering down at me, Dordy bouncing and yip-yipping while the other two remained still and looked anxious.

Kicking hard, I hoped to make it to the surface without incident.

It wasn’t much really. Just a branch sticking out of the silt at the bottom of the water. When I started kicking to get back up, some of the mud holding it in place loosened. The branch broke free from its muddy prison and was quickly carried away by the current… but not before one of its smaller branches snagged on my bikini bottom! Oh gosh! It tore free, ripping the fabric a bit, and slashed along my right thigh. Not enough to break the skin, but it still stung, and it left a long angry red line where it scraped me!

I winced as I was slashed, and felt it with every kick to the surface. Trying to drag a heavy statue upward through water became that much complicated, but finally, I got back to the Wave Dancer.

After being helped aboard by Celeste, I inspected my little wound. I also saw it had slashed my bikini bottom up a bit. That'd have to be mended. But the important bit was, we were all okay, and we had recovered the statue!

"What do you think is up with this thing?" I asked as I held the statue out to Celeste for her to take.

Celeste almost dropped the figurine when she saw the red scratch on my leg. When she was convinced that the wound was superficial, she brought out the first aid kit with some of Suyin’s salves and treated me as she glared at the statue. “Whatever it is, it’s bad news. I think we’ll have to ask Suyin,” she said, gesturing with one vial of her Pandaren friend’s salve in hand. “She’ll probably know more about it.”

I stifled my wince as much as I could as the healing salve went on, not wanting to make it seem even worse for Celeste and worry her overmuch. Once the stinging went away and the welt went down, I smiled happily and thanked Celeste with a kiss.

"Oh gosh, Suyin!" I exclaimed at Celeste's suggestion. "She'd know about this thing, if anyone does! Should we head that way, then?"

“Yes, let’s,” Celeste acknowledged. “Penny, I’ll need your expert piloting skills at the helm again. If this thing is out to get us, expect more surprises. I’ll watch the sonar. Nat, if you want to watch the river up front, make sure you’re secured to the Dancer, okay?” Celeste looked worried but determined as she moved to the sonar position.

I nodded, heading to the bow of the Wave Dancer. With me went the rope for the Dordy Bubble, secured to the front of the ship with enough slack to allow me room to move about the bow, but not to fall off it. I peered over the front, noting no obstacles in the way.

"Clear front!" I announced. "Ready when you guys are!"

Penny sent the Wave Dancer into motion. Traversing the river back to the ocean, however, proved more difficult than expected. A fuel hose in the engine got loose, forcing us to stop and make repairs for a few hours. Celeste’s tool kit fell overboard when a sudden gust of wind rocked the Dancer, causing another delay as I refused to allow Celeste to leave her favorite tools behind and put on another waterbreathing spell to dive after the toolbox and recover them. But, when I got back up, the tools had, of course, all fallen out of their respective trays and made a mess in the toolbox, and water had gotten in as well, meaning everything had to be taken out to dump the water, then put back in. That cost more time. Then we surprised a crane fishing on the banks of the river, and the angry bird attacked us! Dordy scared it away with his growls and yips and barks, but not before my purple parasol Celeste got for me for my chair on the boat got partially damaged. When we reached the ocean, a cluster of thick algae at the mouth of the river got twisted around the propeller. We needed to go underwater to clear, it but a shark took interest and swam around the boat. Celeste activated the shark repellent, only to discover its power cell was missing. Finally, frustrated and out of patience, Celeste took her rifle and shot the shark when it swam close to the surface. While I cleaned the propeller, Celeste and Penny hauled in the shark. It would at least provide dinner, or so we thought… later that evening the spit holding the shark over the fire broke, and the shark burned to a crisp before anyone could get it out! GOSH!

There was no doubt that the statue, whatever it was, was somehow making their trip miserable. Celeste didn’t want anyone else involved, so the Wave Dancer was anchored just offshore to the west of Turtle Beach. The group then split up. Celeste took the statue and flew to Suyin’s with Cloud Dancer. I took Onyx, and Penny got to ride Nosebleed. No one trusted machines in that moment!

When they arrived at Suyin’s beautiful little home, she made us all her legendary tea while we told our tale (the statue was left far away from her house). The pandaren healer frowned and shook her head. The idol likely held a sha of misfortune, she explained in her wise, husky voice. Some unlucky pandaren had likely managed to rid themselves of it by trapping it, but now, it would need to be dissipated or bound anew. She didn’t know how to do either, and offered to consult some elders on the matter, an offer we graciously accepted. She then said that, for the time being, if the statue was stored in a container made from exactly the same quantities of black and white trillium, it would considerably weaken the sha’s ability to afflict us with misfortune.

I had just about had my fill of bad luck by this point. I deeply appreciated Suyin's sage advice, and was now following the pandaren's next advice to keep Celeste company and to be there for each other until the unfortunate situation was contained. I was still rattled from the circling shark and their inability to get the shark repellant working, and bummed from losing dinner in the fire, on top of everything else that had happened. This sha of misfortune would have to be dealt with quick, fast, and in a hurry!

That was yesterday, and then, last night, it seemed like the bad luck followed me some more! It was the Whitewind Company adventure, time to go to Kalimdor to recover the right-hand gauntlet of Princess Ariel Sunstrider’s legendary plate armor, the mate to the one Celeste and I found nearly a year ago off the coast of Stranglethorn Vale in that sunken ship! Little did I know, the unlucky day was not over…

The lead we were finally able to follow up on was from the trip to the Stormwind Royal Library last year, where we each found leads to a different piece of the princess’s armor. For this night’s particular lead, that night in the library, Nah had found a collection of old news reports, full of spicy, scandalous stories on many Alliance leaders, major and minor, over the decades. It had seemed to be a popular gossip column written by a High Elf named Rita Solsong. Scanning through, she eventually found a story on a left-hand plate gauntlet, the picture of which is nearly identical to the one I had found at the Vile Reef while pearl diving with Celeste! The story found here is a scathing report on a minor Kaldorei official who said he'd made the "find of a lifetime," and intended to locate and assemble the rest of the suit, which appeared to be Quel'dorei. The scoffing report doubts the claims of the finding of the gauntlet, and says that the Kaldorei had gotten himself lost somewhere in eastern Feralas... a forest his own people inhabited for millennia!

Whitewind ambassadors sent to Feralas have since made contact, learning that the Night Elf in question is on the fence as far as his feelings on the matter. On one hand, it's a significant archaeological find. On the other, it's Quel'dorei craftsmanship, and the Kaldorei still don't like the Quel'dorei much due to their distant history. As such, he feels both that the gauntlet is worth an entire shipload of fine goods, general living goods, and village supplies, and yet, his disdain for the Quel'dorei has him wanting to trade the gauntlet away for one tenth that price! He is in no hurry either way, but, when we're ready, he will be available to meet on the eastern shore of Feralas to unload the Whitewind's Grace. He awaits only word from us.

And so, off we went! It was me, my bestie Nah, Maya, Grim, and a new contractor taking Cari’s place named Aloranelle Dawnwind, or Lora, for short. Lora is a Quel’dorei, and quite militant. She served in the 9th Theramore Marines for a time before starting her own band of mercenaries called the Leeward Paupers. They made enough gold to eventually commission a ship by the same name. The Leeward Pauper and its crew is a packaged deal, she says, and she will not be parted from them, but she’s fine with coming along on missions to provide weapons support with her rifle. She carries a flintlock pistol and a sword as well, and that’s just what’s visible. She is well-groomed and finely dressed, sporting furs and jewelry that look quite expensive. She’s haughty, as Quel’dorei tend to be, and doesn’t like getting her clothes dirty, but will do so when the situation calls for it.

We have a new ship of our own, too! Nah and Captain Tiala have yet to christen the ship, and the delivery of the goods was urgent, so we have not been able to give it a name yet, but it’s the ship I wrote about some months back that Nah wanted to commission to do work that might not be politically sound for a ship named after a noble of Stormwind to be doing, so here it is! Its maiden voyage!

The mission was the one we set up like six months ago or so, the deal to take a ship full of fine, general, and crafting or trade gear across the ocean and unload it on the east coast of Feralas, by way of traversing the Thousand Needles canyon, to the Kaldorei who had the gauntlet. The ship was already across the ocean by the time we were to begin the mission, so we took a Stormwind mage tower portal to the Caverns of Time and flew north from there to meet it.

Landing on the decks, our first misfortune befell us. Grim was being called away for something urgent, and would not be able to go on the mission with us after all! Dang it!

We bid our farewells to our dear friend and continued on our mission, the ship coming in off the Great Sea and navigating into the narrow canyon with Navigator Barnes’ expert steering.

Then our next misfortune came… the Bloodsail Buccaneers and their three ships were there in the wide-open area where the gnome/goblin racetrack used to be before the Cataclysm, and the goblins aboard Fizzle and Pozzik’s Speedbarge were looking at our ship with greed in their eyes. The bad luck ended there, however, as our new ship is big and has lots and lots of cannons, so no one approached the ship!

We made it through the expanse with good time, now approaching the narrow canyon itself with all its rock spires. We had to go particularly slow from here, as not all of the spires were above sea level and visible. The lookout was helped the rest of the crew, calling out obstacles as they saw them and relaying the information to Navigator Barnes, and we were able to make it some distance in without incident.

That’s when the next misfortune hit… we all heard the angry roar of a tauren, and then the sounds of BATTLE! OH GOSH!

Looking up at the top of the spires, we were able to see what seemed to be heavily armed Grimtotem tauren attacking the villagers in their camps atop the spires! Oh, no! Worse, the poor villagers were losing! Even as we approached the settled section of spires, the Grimtotem were already winning their fights, and now they were turning their sights on US! NOT GOOD!

Nah directed the ship into a new course, hugging the left side of the canyon wall. We passed a few spires, then came to one with a land ramp that goes down to the water. There, right at the water level, were a pair of Grimtotem with an orcish catapult, positioned to cut off any seafaring reinforcements the locals might call in! They fired a shot across our bow right away!

We quickly went belowdecks to the cannons. With the four of us each directing a team of cannoneers, the catapult was soon demolished! With that fight won, we came up with a plan.

I’d stay behind and direct the cannon teams, and Nah, Maya, and Lora would assault the spires directly. The assault team would move from spire to spire via the bridges connecting each, clearing the spires and giving the word over the comms when it was clear for the ship to move up. The ship, meanwhile, would hang back a bit, waiting to move up until the word came, and providing cannon support in the meantime. The assault team would have flares to mark targets for the cannons, and grenades as well. With the plan agreed upon, Nah, Maya, and Lora went for the land ramp where the orcish catapult had been.

About halfway up the land ramp, it ends in the sheer cliff face of the rock spire. From there, a bridge went to the next spire… and it was guarded by two Grimtotem! They immediately prepared to fight, but Nah, practicing some new moves learned in Pandaria, beat one senseless in seconds and then sent him flying off the side of the spire into the water. A shot from one of my cannons smashed directly into the other and sent him flying far, far from the spire, and the team moved on, crossing the bridge.

An outcropping of rock halfway up the next spire held the end of another rope bridge, and this one was guarded by two more Grimtotem brutes. Maya’s bugs and Lora’s rifle quickly dispatched these, and the group crossed over to the next spire, finding themselves yet again halfway up a spire.

This spire had another land ramp that wound up to the top of the spire, and the assault team found themselves in the middle of the first bit of tauren civilization… and two more brutes! This spire had a bridge leading east to the spire the team had previously been on, halfway up, that had no Grimtotem on it – anymore; they’d already taken that camp – and another heading north, from where it zigzagged from spire to spire in a generally northwestern direction, along the length of the camp. Each bridge was guarded by a Grimtotem fighter, and, though a quick look at the two spires made it obvious that the direction the ship needed to go next was north, the one guarding the east bridge looked ready to jump into the fray should his comrade guarding the north be attacked. They didn’t fare very well in their defense, however: Maya and Lora ganged up on one, and Nah beat the other to a pulp. Fists (and feet) of fury, weird bugs, and a rifle were too much for them!

Crossing the north bridge, the assault team suddenly found themselves facing a hastily-constructed, heavy log pillbox, manned by two Grimtotem with rifles of their own! I readied the cannons, expecting a flare at any moment when I heard over the comms what they’d found up there, but instead, it seemed that Nah had CHARGED the thing, dived right through the narrow window slit, and rolled to her feet, attacking the gun-wielding tauren hand-to-hand! Oh gosh! Lora had a grenade ready, but had to throw it away when Nah jumped in. She didn’t have a clear shot with her rifle, either, with Nah in there, so she dived in herself, drawing a knife. She’d just brought a knife to a gunfight!

Maya didn’t have enough visibility to send in her bugs, but Nah and Lora were able to take care of business here. With foes too close to level a rifle and take aim, the Grimtotem tried to use them as weapons, but it wasn’t long before Nah and Lora made short work of them, and their awkward weapons dropped beside their owners to the dirt within moments.

Climbing out of the pillbox, they called the ship forward once more, crossing the next bridge, which went west-northwest to the next spire. Here, three injured Grimtotem tauren were scattered about, each one crawling about on the spire, one of which was heading to a pile of large boulders, muttering about rolling one off the cliff… at our ship!

The assault team showed no mercy, unless it was in putting the tauren out of their misery. Two dropped in seconds, and the one crawling toward the stones nearly made it while the team focused on the others. Lora got that one with her rifle, and it was on to the next spire, the bridge going on in the same direction the last one had.

A huge bonfire blazed in the center of this camp, a victory fire set by a fearsome group of FIVE Grimtotem warriors, wearing heavy plate armor head to toe, armed with spears and shields. They took formation immediately as the assault team crossed, and again I expected a flare to show me where to have the cannons fire, and again I was surprised. Maya opened the fight with what sounds like a terrifying bug... this close to Silithus, she was able to call some kind of burrowing worm bigger than the tauren to burst up from the spire’s tip, swallowing a tauren whole and dragging him beneath the dirt! Oh gosh! Nah did a monk roll right into the middle of the taurens’ formation while they were distracted by the terror that got their comrade, then rolled backwards out of it, smirking – she’d left a grenade in their midst! The grenade went off the next moment, blasting the tauren in every direction. What had once seemed a fight with insurmountable odds was now a cleared spire!

From here, the path forked. There was a pair of bridges going generally north, one slightly left, the other slightly right, both going to spires with Grimtotem tauren on them, both with bridges on them leading back to another spire on the very back… and there was a TREBUCHET on the back spire! Oh gosh!

The assault team chose the left bridge, as that was the side the ship was coming through, and charged the pair of Grimtotem guarding the bridge to the trebuchet. Nah landed some good hits on one, and Lora finished him off with her rifle. Maya charged the other, slamming into him and driving him backwards, sending him right over the cliff! I actually heard him roaring, and looked up, only to see him falling from high, high above, splashing into the water hard! Goodness gracious!

During the fight, however, the trebuchet had fired! Fortunately, the shot was not at the ship… unfortunately, it was right at the assault team, with reckless disregard for their own fighters! The team dived out of the way, though Lora was hit by a deluge of rock and grit and was hurt. But that wasn’t the worst of it…

The trebuchet had reloaded during the fight, and had coated this boulder with pitch, then set it on FIRE! The trebuchet fired again, after the fight was over, and the team seemed sure to be in danger this time!

BUT! My bestie Nah saved the day! An intense Chi wave fired forward from her hands, pushing the fiery boulder back the other way… and right back at the trebuchet! Lora had already fired her flare at the trebuchet, so I had the cannons firing at it too! Finally, Maya called forth the most decimating Starsurge spell I’ve ever seen a druid use! Between that, the cannons, and the fiery boulder, the impacts on the spire were like nothing I’d ever seen before. Rock, grit, wood, what seemed like body parts, and flames spewed like fifty feet in the air as the spire was rocked by many explosions all at once, and, when the dust settled, nothing was left of the spire’s top but craters and ashes, not a single hair of a Grimtotem or a single splinter of the trebuchet to be found anywhere! Geez Louise!

After that, the Grimtotem on the other spires went into full retreat! The assault team reported seeing them fleeing from spire to spire, bridge to bridge, running away from the ship and the assault team, disappearing into the crags on the far side of the canyon. The battle was won! WOOHOO!

The assault team returned to the deck of the ship, and we went northwest from there, still picking our way slowly through the canyon, not wanting to hit any underwater spires. Navigating those spires is something else, for sure! Towering rock spires clustered tightly all around, sailing on water while the spires rise to the heavens in every direction, clustered so thickly we could barely see the canyon walls!

It was here that the final misfortune of a mostly unfortunate day befell us. We met the Kaldorei as arranged, on the eastern shore of Feralas, in a Kaldorei tower that faces down the length of the canyon. We set anchor and flew ashore to meet them.

Two Kaldorei, a male and a female that did not introduce themselves, where there in the tower with arms crossed. The guy said that we were late, and Nah tried to apologize, saying we’d been held up by Grimtotem fighters. The guy shook his head, his arms still crossed, and said that we were SIX MONTHS late! Oh wow!

It was here that the misfortune hit… the Kaldorei said that a particularly band of violent orcs had raided their village and made off with the gauntlet! They no longer had it! DANG it!

The conversation went on to reveal that they’d made contact with the Alliance, but, because of the armistice in place, the Alliance couldn’t attack the horde to get the artifact back. I am putting a spell ward on my diary to protect this next bit by way of making it look like gibberish to anyone I haven’t personally granted permission to read it: SI:7, Stormwind’s spy/rogue guild, somehow knew of our campaign, however, and had approached the Kaldorei representative as he was departing the city, stating that Mathias Shaw had ordered a contingent of SI:7 operatives to secretly assist us in recovering the gauntlet. They can’t act directly, being agents of the Crown, but they can assist us in scheming up and executing our own black operations. We’ll have to act in secrecy to get this gauntlet back, and, if discovered, the Crown will disavow us. We’re totally on our own here, and this is gonna be very cloak-and-dagger! Nah is set to meet with an SI:7 agent at some point to get the details on what they know of that orc band’s movement and plan a black operation to recover it. I’m on the edge of my seat here, waiting to see what happens next! Goodness gracious!

After that, the Kaldorei guy brought up the issue of payment. I noted he specifically mentioned “honor” in there, which got one of Nah’s eyebrows raised. He said he’d lost many sentinels in the orcs’ attack, and they had been ready to fulfill their end of the bargain up to that point, and had also given us the information we needed to get what we wanted. The price they’d asked only being a tenth of what the gauntlet was worth, he wanted to go ahead and start offloading the goods we’d brought for our end of the deal. I gave Nah a pleading look, but she was already approving the deal, and the others seemed to agree. That was good! These people had been through enough!

With the conversation over and the deal done, we returned to the ship. Lora got a promise from Nah and I to work out her contract while Maya headed for home with her own payment promised in delivery as usual, and then we all went home. I was glad for that very misfortune-filled day to be over for sure!

But it wasn’t all a bad week – Tuesday was DEATHROLLS! We got to play in Dalaran’s Beer Gardens, and boy, did a lot of people come! It was me, my bestie Nah, my old buddy Grim, Maya, Cari, Cari’s new girl Riesa that came for a little bit last week, our Quicksilver Company friend Annabelle Baker, and Xam!

Anna had with her a jar of what looked to be water and blood. She explained that it was a cursed rosary her group had recovered, and it kept bleeding, and the jar was holy water meant to draw the blood and the curse out of it, and that she had to keep changing the water and blessing it every so often. Geez!

It was a particularly fun game, too. Right off the bat, I got to do a Double! Nah and Riesa both rolled a One, so I got them both! Nah chose Truth instead of Dare, which kinda took the wind outta my sails, as I had some hilarity for them already coming to mind. So, my mind blanking out on Truths, I went for an old, popular standby for the category… Screw, Marry, Kill. Nah had herself a good snicker at that, but Riesa seemed confused, and we had to explain the whole concept to her. She seemed a bit taken aback by having to choose one person present at the table for each category, especially in the area of a one-night stand, so it took a while, but we eventually got it out of her! But first, she asked if they could all be one person, and that had me going, “Wow! Riesa is a praying mantis! First she does them, and then she KILLS them!” HA! She was so shocked when she realized what she had implied! Nah went first, keeping it simple to show Riesa how it’s done. She chose me for Screw – OH GOSH! – Maya for marry, and Riesa to kill, probably because she was the only one present Nah wasn’t close to. Goodness gracious ! Riesa went after that. She had me for screw, which prompted Maya to say, “Everyone’s screwing Nat!” Goodness GRACIOUS! Then she said it was because she’d heard unhinged people are really good at it. WHAT?! I’m not unhinged! Then she said that she’d marry Nah, because her own mother is “practically a Kaldorei.” She said she’d marry Nah instead of her girl Cari, because she said that out of everyone present… Cari was the only one there she was sure would forgive her if she killed her. Awww! That was sweet, in a weird sort of way… Then Nah got a couple of Dares that had her rhyming for a round while I had to feed her grapes for that round. Riesa did a Truth from me regarding her weirdest talent. Her being a fire mage, she produced a fire from her fingertips, manipulated it into a sort of stick figure shape of a person, and had it tap-dance all around the table, without burning a thing. Cool! Maya was Dared into Nah’s lap, and she never left it for the rest of the game. Then Anna got to Dare Nah and Riesa both, so she got them to drink a drink that was half wine and half lager. Ew! Riesa is a lightweight, so I figured she’d be getting drunk soon if she kept it up. Then Grim got Maya to do a Whisper Dare, in which she came around singing, “You Are My Sunshine” to each individual at the table, putting a flower in everyone’s hair… that is, until she got to me. Instead of a flower, I got a WET WILLY! EWWWW! GRIMMIE! Then came looooooots of Truths, most of which were personal enough for those asked that I probably shouldn’t repeat them. Then I got to Dare Nah, so I got out a gift Anna had sent me to give to Nah before, not knowing that she’d see Nah again herself again the same night I did. I Dared Nah to open it, and she found herself looking at a libram of the Light. The book was white and gold, and Nah had an eyebrow raised at Anna as she looked at it. Anna was like, “The book opens in the middle with the page stuck together, and the inside is hollowed out so you can put your ‘boobie books’ in there. That way, people will think you’re doing well, when really… you’re doing WELL.” GOSH! That had me blushing, so Anna was like, “Hey, this was all Mags’ idea. Don’t pin it all on me!” Apparently Mags was referring to the Steamy Romance Novels Nah likes to read, and this was a way to get her to be able to read them in public. Just hide them in the libram! Goodness gracious, Mags! HA! By this point, it was getting late, so half the table was getting ready to leave. Nah, Anna, Maya, and Xam were all getting sleepy. So we did one last round with them, and it ended up being me getting Dared by Xam to do my best pick-up line. Gosh, when I tell you I BLUSHED… I went over and sat next to Xam, holding up the sleeve of my dress. I was like, “Feel this material,” and she did, looking a bit confused, and I then began stammering and stuttering like a crazy person, blushing hard, and I managed to stutter out some version of, “Know what kind of material that is?” People were making guesses around the table, but also grinning because I was blushing and stammering so hard from embarrassment that I could hardly speak, and Xam was shaking her head no, so I replied, “That’s GIRLfriend material.” Then I blushed so hard and couldn’t look at anyone anymore, so I pulled back and bent my face over into my hands, hiding from them all! Everyone was laughing up a storm at me, of course, and some of them were talking about wanting to steal it. Gosh!

After that, we all said goodnight to Nah, Anna, Xam, and Maya, and then it was just Grim, Cari, Riesa, and I for a while. With a much smaller group, everyone stood a much higher chance to end up being in on the action on one end of the stick or the other, so the game was faster-paced and much more involved from then on! First thing to happen was us breaking the record for TWOS! I can’t remember if I’ve written about TWOS before, but I think I have, but sometimes, when the rolls drop to a two, rolling a two out of a two being a fifty-fifty chance to GET a two means that the twos just go and go and go, and we all just start yelling, “TWOS!” The previous record for most rolls of two in a row, and we broke it, rolling twos thirteen times in a row this time! Wow! What luck! Then Riesa, Grim, and I ALL rolled – including the Truth or Dare rolls – ones! What luck for sure! Cari got to Dare us all, so she had Grim kneel down on the grass there in the Beer Gardens, and Riesa and I to climb onto a shoulder, and Grim had to lift us both into the air by standing up with us sitting on his huge shoulders! He did it, too, and not only that… he leaped right up onto the table with us there! My clumsy, klutzy self ended up somehow draped over his shoulders front and back, so when he knelt back down, I was still in that position, and I didn’t know how to get back up, because I was teetering on the edge of the table! The only plan I could think of was roll… but oops, wrong direction! I rolled right off the table, bounced off the bench, and ended up in a heap in the dirt! OOF! I got up and dusted myself off, blushing madly and assuring everyone that I was okay as they asked. Then Grim had a Dare for Riesa to drink anything I brought her. I brought her a curved, bulbous sort of glass with a blue liquid and ice, with salt around the rim and a little umbrella in it. A margarita! Riesa, who doesn’t really drink, actually really enjoyed this one, and CHUGGED it! Oh gosh, that’s not how you’re supposed to do it! It hit pretty fast, combined with the wine and lager earlier, and she got REALLY drunk, and was slurring pretty badly! Then I had a Whisper Dare for Grim to take advantage of the situation... he was to go kneel behind her in the grass to make himself short, then speak like a gnome to her, talking her into testing out his new machine, the Boogerbuster Goldmaker 9000, which turns boogers into gold, and Riesa is the lucky person that gets to test it out, mining boogers from Cari! I wasn’t expecting it to work, but holy smokes, Riesa really tried to get Cari’s boogers! EW! She was SO drunk! Grim embellished a bit, too, talking about how it affects the molecules of the booger, which is naturally a green color, which is a combination of yellow, and we know yellow is close to gold, so PRESTO… boogers to gold! HA! By this point, it was super late in the game, and Riesa was beyond drunk and straight-up poo-faced plastered, so people wanted to go home. It had been a super fun and entertaining game night! Everyone had such a blast! I LOVE Deathrolls! WOO!

For now, though, I should probably wrap this up and see if I can help Celeste finish this box off. She has it partway done, but is still not having much luck. Maybe the efforts of two combined people can overcome the sha of misfortune! I can only hope!

I especially hope so because we have a dangerous black operation coming up next week, and Deathrolls is not always safe either, not to mention the current project with this jade monkey and its likely sha of misfortune possession, so… we’ll just have to see how next week shapes up! Maybe we’ll conquer it, and everything will be happy again! Maybe Deathrolls will be the most fun game we’ve had yet! Maybe the black op will go so perfectly and smoothly that it’ll become the stuff of SI:7 AND Whitewind Company legend! I can’t wait to find out! YAY!

With hope in her heart and spirits high, Nat tapped off the excess ink from her quill into her inkwell, then replaced the quill in its case, taking these both upstairs (tripping, unfortunately, on her way up, though at least she didn’t break anything). Coming back downstairs, she found Celeste with a knee up on the table, holding one side of the box up while she was trying to get the welding torch to light and apply it to the joint. Nat went to help hold it up for her, pulling her own welding mask over her eyes while holding it from a distance with a long pair of blacksmith’s tongs stored there in the workshop. Organization and teamwork overcame bad luck on the weld, and the side was secured! Celeste stopped for a break and a sip of coffee while Nat returned to her diary, finding the ink dry on the pages. She closed it and returned it to its place upstairs, though it slipped from her grasp and fell on her toe. Ouch! She muttered a word of Darnassian profanity she’d heard from Nah, then got her diary back on its bookshelf.

Heading back downstairs, the two teamed up on the box, and, several hours and several misfortunes later (including a broken welding nozzle, a burn spot on the workbench, metal splinters in fingers, and stubbed toes all around), they’d made some real headway on its assembly. Whatever this thing was, it seemed to not like the balance struck by white and black trillium, and seemed to be doing everything it could to stop the box from being assembled!

With not much left of the minication, Celeste opted to stop for the evening and take Nat down to Anglers Wharf for dinner. With the jade monkey elsewhere, the Anglers were doing just fine, and their dinner of shrimp tacos really hit the spot!

A room was procured in the Anglers Wharf inn, and there, Nat, Dordy, and Celeste stayed, away from the jade statue that might cause issues with sleeping on a worknight for Nat. It was a fine spot, with a view of the sandbars in Turtle Bay, the turtles and crabs on them, and, in the distance, Turtle Beach! Cradled by the sounds of the waves, so near instead of distant like high up on the spire, the little family fell asleep, wrapping up the week and ready to see what the next one had in store for them!

[Natasha Ebonlocke]

January the Nineteenth

The green of the Krasarang Wilds turned everything in sight green as the sunlight penetrated the canopy and glowed through the leaves. All around, everything was tinted green, even the white of the Wave Dancer as it meandered slowly up one of the pandaren jungle’s many rivers. The smell of damp, wet earth, fresh jungle river, and thick, dense foliage carried with it also a faint scent of fish. Endless songs from tropical birds, unseen monkeys, and the odd scream of a jungle cat could be heard over the dull sound of the boat’s engines quietly puttering along at low speed.

A new rig at the pilot’s station had an extended scope leading from the sonar up front at Nat’s seat that could be removed when Nat manned the sonar up front. Celeste was using the extended scope now, wanting to try her hand at navigating the river, controlling the boat’s rudder, and keeping an eye on the sonar to map the river floor’s rises and falls al at once. Dordy was busying himself darting front to back, side to side, constantly finding a new fish to bark at and chase until it the boat was past. Nat lay on the deck up at the bow, past the low gate of the passenger’s area and positioned to be able to see the water directly over the edge of the bow. Wearing her blue Shal’dorei silk bikini she’d gotten from her bestie Nah at Winter Veil the year before last, which went well with Celeste’s blue bikini with the sea turtles and seashells on it, she was sprawled out on the deck, cherrywood quill case, inkwell of purple ink, and diary all open before her, a thermos of hazelnut coffee off to one side. It was time for her weekly entry!

Nat took a look back, smiling at Celeste, who was totally concentrated and in the zone, her experienced eyes going from the helm’s instruments to the printer readout from the sonar to the scope and back again, and at Dordy, who was now barking at something particularly interesting he’d seen under the boat, bouncing up and down with each yip. Taking a look overboard herself, she saw the slight froth of the water where the boat’s pontoons were cutting through the water at low speed. Colors could be seen darting around in the water, denoting fish, though they weren’t as clear as when viewed through the bulletproof glass bottom of the boat. Returning her eyes to her diary, she lifted her ravenfeather quill from its case, dipped it for some purple ink, and began to write.

Dear diary,

Goodness, what a week it’s been! Peace and quiet and good fortune at home now that that jade monkey statue with the sha of misfortune inside it now safely ensconced in a trillium box welded shut, hilarity and alcohol and shenanigans at Deathrolls, and a black op assisted by SI:7 themselves!

So Celeste and I got that jade monkey locked away, and the absence of misfortune and the presence of good fortune (from those elder charms of good fortune she got for us both) have had us having really great weeks! The fishing, the engineering, all the fun at home has been great! We took the week off from that rotten sha of misfortune, just making the plans for the adventure now. Next week, we’re gonna go into the Jade Forest and find the hozen Celeste believes must have dumped that statue in a chest and chucked it into the river!

Then Tuesday was DEATHROLLS! It was so much fun! We got to play in the Salty Sailor tavern in Booty Bay! It was me, my old buddy Grim, our Quel’dorei Whitewind Company outside contractor friend Aloranelle Dawnwind that’s been hanging out with us lately, and Anna from the Quicksilver Company! It was the first time Anna and Lora ever met each other, so of COURSE, the dice came up showing that Anna had to Dare Lora! Anna said that was awkward, so she just had Lora buy everyone the first round of drinks. Lora brought us all back a vanilla Kaja rum from the bar. That was like… half super-sweet, half overwhelming alcohol! Ack! Then Lora made Anna really pay for her own drinks… she got to Dare Anna and I both the next round! She wanted me to go up to the swinging bridge overtop of our table and juggle three bottles. She obviously doesn’t know how big of a klutz I am! I grabbed three empty booze bottles, trudging up the stairs and onto the bridge while Anna stood below me, looking like she was prepared to die (Anna DOES know what a klutz I am!). I looked around at the bottles in my arms. I had no idea how to so much as even START juggling! I knew the bottles must be in the air, though, so I just... TOSSED 'EM UP! "WHA?!" The bottles flew high, directly into the air. I had no idea which would fall first, so my eyes just sort of darted to one after another after another, my arms following suit, putting my mind into kind of a perpetual reset mode. But I didn't even catch one bottle! They all came down and bounced right off my FACE!! One! Two! Three! Bam! Doink! Bonk! "FUDGE! CRUD! POO!" Each bottle fell down, one by one, bouncing off my feet as well! "DANGIT! GOSH! PIGGIEPUCKIE!" The bottles fell down, one by one, to Anna next! And she caught one! She caught two! She then had the third bonk off her full hands and onto the floor, cracking into shards of glass and fizzy drink. She looked up at me, then at the entire bar that was staring at her, bottles in hand, red in the face. "Uh." But that wasn’t the end of the debacle. Nope! I suddenly realized that I was teetering on the ledge from the misfortune! "...whoa... WHOA... WHOOAAAAAA.... WAAAAAAAAAAAA!" I FELL RIGHT OFF THE BRIDGE! I was headed right for Anna! Luckily, I had my F.A.D. (My Fall Avoidance Device that Maya got me for Winter Veil the year before last that detects falls and slows me. Another Sparkles invention!) on and activated! I floated slowly down toward Anna… Lora was watching with a wry smirk when I looked over as I fell off the bridge in slow motion. She tipped her chair back, resting it against the wall. "I suppose the answer was 'no' to the juggling question... Don't worry; I'm certain you still possess many talents! Like graceful landings." Then she just started applauding me! Anna still looked like she thought she would probably die. She began to just retreat and return the bottles, hopefully not being Nat’d. I missed her, and I just sort of floated slowly down, doing a slow-motion bellyflop on the floor... RIGHT IN THE GLASS! OUCH! Luckily, Anna is a priestess-turned-paladin, and was able to heal up a few little cuts with the Light, and I was all good again! Yet another little adventure I need to have clothes mended after, though… Anyway, then Grimmie had to go to the bathroom, and I got to Dare Lora back! I Dared her to, when Grim comes back from the bathroom, just crawl seductively across the table to him and start speaking to him in a sultry voice with her best pick-up lines. Then the rounds started again while we were waiting on Grim to get back, and I rolled a one out of an eighty-four! WOW! But then I realized that I had rolled out of the wrong number; my actual roll was out of eighty-two, so I rolled again… and THAT one turned out even WORSE… our rules state that, if you roll a sixty-nine, you have to point to someone else at the table you’d do that with. Joke answers that aren’t really true also count! Good amendment to the rule for those like myself who are taken! So, just to make someone besides me blush for once, I blushingly pointed out Anna, the priestess! But she didn’t blush. She just looked confused. She didn’t know what was going on, or what that number meant! Lora didn’t seem to know either, and also wanted an explanation. But, my bestie Nah, who usually revels in the opportunity to say this sort of thing and make me blush even worse, wasn’t present for this game, and neither was the shameless Maya, so I had to tell it all by myself! I couldn’t get the words out, so, blushing, I demonstrated by walking my hands on two fingers like they were people, then arranging them in the way I needed to for the demonstration. Oh my GOSH! Then Lora said she had known all along, and just wanted to see me blush more, so my ploy to make someone besides me blush for once backfired spectacularly! Then Grim came back, and it immediately all got so much worse, because Lora started doing her Dare, and, rather than silly pick-up lines, she really started turning on the charm on ol’ Grim, who was turning it on right back. Oh my GOSH, I thought they were going to go after each other right there on the table! It was SO bad! Then Anna had a Truth for me in which I had to talk about my worst date, or related, experience ever. I told them all about this guy a couple of summers ago that a female friend of mine introduced me to that wanted to take me to the Brawlpub. He got INTO the pit himself, and started fighting a crocolisk, and he really hurt it! My heart broke, there were tears in my eyes, and those two got me out of there quick and took me to the museum in Ironforge instead. There it became apparent that the crocolisk fighter, who was uproariously awkward with me, was actually a guy my female friend wanted to set me up with! Oh gosh, I had to call a friend on the comms and have her make up an excuse to come and rescue me and get me outta there! It was awful! I felt bad for the guy; I’d seen him around Stormwind a lot and he was always nice and polite, and I thought he was a really good guy. Goodness gracious! More Dares ensued. I had a drink Dare from Grim with tequila, a pickle, and hot sauce that, along with the rum, got me well and truly DRUNK. Grim had two Dares in a row in which he had Full Power, meaning he rolled a twenty out of twenty in the Truth or Dare rolls, giving him the power to choose Truth or Dare FOR his victims. Lora ended up having to sing everything for a couple of rounds, and then Grim Dared me to pledge my undying fealty to Lora for two rounds, so I had to do everything she said! I ended up refilling her drink for her, saluting her first, which, I later found out when I sobered up, I had done with her empty mug in my hand and splashed droplets of her drink all over my face and didn’t even realize it from being so drunk… and doing her Dare for her where Grim Dared her to go massage Anna! So now I had to spend a couple of rounds giving Anna a shoulder massage! Then a third consecutive Full Power roll was rolled by Lora on Anna, and so Lora Dared Anna to say, “That’s what she said!” after everything I said, for two rounds! Gosh, did it get BAD! Not even repeatable! Lora got Grim and I both next, and we had to spend the next round with our faces smooshed against the window, waving at people passing by. The people outside in Booty Bay had a great laugh at that! Lora got Grim with a Truth about whether he’d ever screwed a goblin – “translate that how you will,” she said. Gosh! – and Grim told her a story about how his first treadblade had been one in which the clutch plate had broken, and he’d replaced it with a ceramic one that would break even quicker… and the goblin had sold it back to him for dirt cheap after that, giving Grim a profit, and he’d gotten it running again and gave it to “that red-head monster we used to hang out with.” Oh my goodness! I said maybe it would fall apart and cause her to wreck into a barn, and Grim said not to wish that… on the BARN! HA! Then I got Grim and Lora both for a Dare, so I Whisper Dared Grim to take a full mug of whatever he was drinking and crawl across the table to Lora with it, put it on his face, and press it to Lora’s face, then remove his hand and hold it there with just his face! Then, while holding it there, he had to try to have a serious conversation with Lora, who, for this scenario, was a lover trying to leave him, and he had to talk her out of it! Then I Whisper Dared Lora to just go along with whatever Grim did when he came over, and also to give silly reasons for wanting to leave him. The result was the two holding a mug together with their faces, arguing about sharing jelly and buttering each others’ biscuits and all this silly food stuff that made no sense! HA! Then the mug finally fell, so that ended the Dare! Maybe I was just too drunk, but they had me in a full-on giggle-fit! The final round of the evening, what with everyone wanting to go to bed, ended up with Grim Daring Lora and I to dance on the table while singing silly pirate songs, in honor of our Booty Bay game. Apparently both our songs were very piratey, whatever that means. I don’t remember it, or dancing, though my drunken swaying may have been dancey. Who knows, in a Deathrolls game! Then we all went home after saying our goodnights, everyone at least tipsy by now and worn out from the shenanigans. Gosh, it was such a fun game! I LOVE Deathrolls!

The next morning, after the hangover wore off, things turned more serious. I got a note from SI:7 to meet at the Blue Recluse in Stormwind during the busy hour, so we could speak without being overheard. I met one Gandon Brown there during dinner, who just goes by Gan. He wanted to discuss SI:7’s findings concerning the gauntlet and the special operations that we had set up to recover the right-hand gauntlet of the legendary plate armor of Princess Ariel Sunstrider… the mate to the one I found nearly a year ago while pearl diving with Celeste! The man then showed me a gnomish hologram device he’d use to record the meeting for his superiors, as well as to send to Whitewind Company members and associated contractors, so that they’d all be updated. Gosh, this meeting, it was so cloak-and-dagger!

A package arrived shortly after for all Whitewind Company employees and contractors. Opening it up revealed a gnomish hologram pad.

However, the hologram pad did not appear to work. Poking and prodding around did no more than open up a series of questions, some twenty-odd series of questions that only Whitewind Company employees and contractors could possibly know. Answering them all correctly gave the biggest surprise of all...

The hologram suddenly WORKED!

------------

The Blue Recluse seems busy today, doing a roaring trade. Everything from a raucous Deathrolls game to a troupe of drunken dwarves having a dance-off on their table to a trio of cackling gnomes blowing up tiny flying orbs around their table has the whole place seemingly bouncing off the walls. However, upstairs on the balcony, are a hooded man and a hooded woman that, to the casual passerby glancing over, seem to be enjoying themselves a little date! The presence of hoods and cloaks makes it seem like they want to be left alone, and so everyone does. They're being boring, anyway!

The hologram zooms in on them, the noise level fading away, their quiet voices coming to the forefront...

"Yes," the man says in a low, gruff voice. "We do have a lead. Glad you could make it on time. This news isn't going to be accurate for long."

"Oh gosh," the young woman says. "We'd better get a move on, then! What is it?"

"There is a food shortage for the Kaldorei stuck in Stonetalon Peak," the man growls in a low voice again. "Elves there are reporting malnutrition that may soon reach critical levels. One among them knows something about the movement of your gauntlet, but he won't divulge this information unless his people get food. Airlifting food in gets it intercepted by overwhelming forces of wyvern riders, trolls who claim the armistice covers Alliance fliers in horde airspace. Trying to grow it themselves gets them raided by orcish thugs that steal the food. horde officials just look the other way."

"But that's awful!" the hooded young woman says. "Those poo-heads! Never mind the information the one elf has; how are we going to help them out?"

The man reaches for the young woman's right hand with both of his, a romantic gesture that makes a passerby smile at the happy couple and walk on, wishing aloud that she was as lucky. The man continues the charade for the locals' benefit as he speaks.

"Fret not," the man says to the blushing, curvy young woman across from him as he holds her hand. "There is a goblin that smuggles contraband into the Stonetalon Mountains for the horde encampments there. One of our agents has turned him with a hefty sack of gold. He will now smuggle food to the elves for us in his caravan, which will start in the Stardust Ruins in Ashenvale Forest. Ostensibly, he is smuggling Kaldorei relics and artifacts out for sale to interested horde parties. But, in the center of it all, is the food for the elves. You'll need to meet our man, and our new goblin friend, there in the Stardust Ruins. From there, you will need to make stops at Windshear Hold, Mirkfallon Post, Farwatcher's Glen, and then, lastly, Thal'darah Overlook, where our Kaldorei friend is. Only after his people are fed will the Kaldorei agree to inform on the gauntlet's movement within the horde ranks."

"But be careful," the man says after a look around him to make sure no one is listening in. "The gangs of orc thugs are known to harass the goblin from time to time, and the goblin isn't always able to talk himself out of it. Moreover, if there are thugs watching the villages there, they will need to be dispatched, and quietly. Any alarms raised will raise all the horde in the mountains, and you will be captured. If captured, the Crown will disavow your presence and your mission there, and you will be on your own against hundreds of horde forces. Use the cover of night, keep quiet, and keep hidden in that caravan."

"Oh my goodness gracious," the young woman says, covering her outburst with a giggle, as though her exclamation had been simply a gushing over her romantic interest's proclamations. "I will relay this to the Company. Thank you. We will meet your man tonight, say, eleven o'clock, under the cover of night, at the Stardust Ruins, in Ashenvale Forest."

The hologram fades out from there, the machine going quiet and inactive.

------------

The hologram seemed to have worked; we got my bestie Nah, Lora, and Maya there in Ashenvale Forest, in the Stardust Ruins, just before eleven o’clock at night! Gan from SI:7 was already there, as was the goblin contact he mentioned, a squat little waddler named Gizzlewix Bomberman. He was sitting astride the lead kodo in the pack, giving orders to the other riders as he arranged the caravan. Gan came to use to talk to us.

Gan first said that a black operation in horde-controlled territory, against horde forces, could not be sanctioned by the Crown, given the armistice, so he, as a member of the government’s intelligence agency, could not go with us, as capture would result in the horde pointing at Alliance involvement in a hostile plot and potentially declare war again. What he was there for was to offer us advice.

Gan looked us over, then pointed at Lora, advising us to use the elf with the gun as overwatch. A bit of sniper cover on high peaks or atop buildings could give us the edge any time we encountered horde forces, like the thugs that preyed on the Kaldorei in the area. Nah and Maya being stealthy types (Maya was good at stealth when she assumed her druidic cat form), they could take care of the up-close-and-personal stuff quietly. I am neither a sniper nor remotely stealthy, so I would remain in the caravan, only coming out if we were discovered and it was time to summon in the heavies so we could make our escape. In the meantime, as a dabbler in engineering, I’d run the comms systems, and report in to Gan over the comms each time we passed a checkpoint… I just wish the checkpoint names he’d given us weren’t so lame! He finished by telling us that a QRF – a Quick Response Team – would zoom in fast to extract us once our mission was complete and we had the information from the informant.

The group agreed to the plan, not even making amendments to it, and Gan left as Gizzlewix Bomberman approached. Gizz, as his goblin cohorts called him, was a bit too keen on eyeing all the ladies and getting flirty, but he did eventually get us settled into crates that had false shelves that go in overtop of us. The crates were supposedly filled with relics and artifacts picked from the Kaldorei ruins in the area, but really, it was mostly filled with us, food, and a few bribes for the horde checkpoint we’d face at the border of Ashenvale Forest and the Stonetalon Mountains. Gizz told us to hide and make no noise, and we’d be through the checkpoint in no time at all.

The caravan got started after that. The smells of a summer night in a Kaldorei forest were that of wood, foliage, earth, and some sort of magical, peaceful nature sort of scent that I can’t quite describe. The crickets and cicadas were in full song, and sometimes, somewhere in the forest, we could hear a moonsaber cat yowling. Mostly, it was just the crickets and cicadas and the rattle of the caravan on the road for a while.

Eventually, the sounds of orcs – LOTS of orcs – could be heard ahead. An entire encampment of the bulky green monsters, and we were heading right for it! Oh, NO!

The noisy sound of the din of the orc camp came with the change of smells. Barren rock, a military camp, and even the hint of a nasty latrine pit came in through the crates. I would have been disgusted, but I was too busy trying to keep myself from trembling… there had to have been fifty orcs out there, maybe a hundred, and just four of us, and some goblins that would surely change sides if they thought they were in danger. It was so scary!

The caravan stopped then, and the sounds of heavy footsteps approached the lead cart, where we were. Orcish changed to Common, and the orc demanded of Gizz to get out of the cart and submit to a search. THAT got me tensed up! If they took apart the crates, they’d find us, and we’d been in trouble for sure! Captured by orcs! Oh, NO!

Gizz was in his element, though. I gotta hand it to him… in the face of danger, he LAUGHED!

The squat little goblin spoke to the hostile orc as though he were an old friend, telling him he’d brought him some nice beads for his mate for her hair, the kinds she loves, as well as chocolates and toy wooden axes for his offspring. The bribes didn’t seem to be working, however. The orc got more demanding about a search, and Gizz began to sound nervous. He kept the act up, though, still talking to the orc – Kaz, he called him – acting really chummy, and eventually he began to gripe about how Kaz never lets him keep his most valuable finds. He offered Kaz a small mooncrystal statue he’d plucked from the ruins himself, worth a fortune on the black market. Kaz still sounded hostile as all heck, but finally, just when we were all tensed up and ready to fight and escape, the sounds of orcs unloading stuff from the lead cart could be heard. After they were done taking things, Gizz bid goodnight to Kaz, and said he hoped his mate and offspring enjoyed their gifts. The reply was the wordless sound of a fist crunching a face, and the caravan set off again, with Gizz bemoaning Kaz’s need to punch him every time they met.

I got on the comms after that, reporting in with the code name Panther that we’d passed Checkpoint Rock, meaning that we’d successfully been smuggled into horde territory past the horde border patrol camp. Elf Base – Gan – acknowledged on the comms. I blushed hard after that; the list of checkpoint names I’d been given for each phase of the plan we had was lame, and I could hear the snickering in the nearby crates. Goodness gracious!

The ride went without incident, though the smells of a barren canyon and the overwhelming cicada sounds were not mixing well with bouncing along in a clattering caravan, all cooped up inside a crate! Besides, it was dark as heck in there! All the while, though, we could hear munching from Maya’s crate. She’d been lucky enough to find herself in a crate full of chocolate, and she was stuffing her face the whole time! Oh my goodness! But at least we made it miles and miles down the road in safety and peace before the next incident occurred!

The caravan eventually stopped, and we could hear Gizz go, “Not good.” He advised us to creep out then and get set up. We got out, peering around. A bridge was ahead, a rickety thing that looked like it might fall apart if we crossed it. But, worse than that, there were a pair of orcs on either end! Lora took off for a distant low hill, scanning the area with her scope. She found one more orc, a lone sentry on another low hill next to the water, on the far side of the bridge. She also found two more left of the road, much further down the road from the bridge, guarding a path up into the mountain pass there that had horde banners on it. Those had spyglasses, she said, and could likely see the bridge from their position. If we tried anything on the bridge with them looking, we’d be discovered, they’d raise the alarm, and probably hundreds of orcs would come and capture us! We needed a plan, and fast!

My bestie Nah came up with a plan then. She took several heavy things – were they rocks? – and snuck with Maya off to the right of the road, ducking behind a tree stump at the water’s edge and chucking the heavy things into the water while letting off a smoke bomb that looked like night fog. With the sentries close enough to hear the gunshot distracted by the smoke and splashes, Lora lined up her shot on the orcs several hundred yards away and took the shot. The two were lined up in a manner than Lora could get both with one shot, rather than having to shoot one and alarm the other and allow him to raise the alarm for all orcs in the area, and Lora did not want them to move and miss her window of opportunity, so she fired at the same time that Nah garroted one orc and Maya hit the other so hard in the back in her heavy cat form that she seemed to have broken his neck and back from the force of the whiplash. Lora reported a miss, though, but least the orcs didn’t hear the shot and were remaining in place! She reloaded while Nah and Maya hide the bodies of the two they got behind the tree stump Nah was hiding behind.

The two orcs at the far side of the bridge noticed then that the other two weren’t at their posts, and started coming across the bridge, stopping halfway to look around for their comrades. With them distracted and not looking toward the two sentries guarding the mountain pass, Lora lined up her shot and fired again, adjusting from where she saw the first bullet impact the hills beyond the orcs.

I had my own spyglass going from the caravan way back up the road from the bridge, keeping watch for any situation that might need my minions, and I saw the shot. One of the orcs Lora was firing at had a spyglass, and he peered all around, and I could see the alarm in his face as he appeared to do a double-take with the spyglass, then even more alarm as he seemed to be looking right into the muzzle of Lora’s rifle! There was a flash from Lora’s gun, and the bullet went straight at him. I saw the lens of his spyglass get popped inward, and then the smaller eyepiece lens popped simultaneously, as did the orc’s head, and the that of the orc behind him! Oh my gosh, it was so GRUESOME! I think the last thing that went through that orc’s mind – besides that bullet – was simply this:

Someone gave the elf a gun.

Lora reported that the distant sentries that could see the bridge were down, and the group could see that the lone one on the low hill was totally zoned out, sitting down and staring off into space as the quiet of the night was serenaded by the cicadas. With the far sentries down and the one not paying attention, Nah and Maya stealthed up onto the bridge, working their way toward the confused orcs still standing in the middle, looking around for their comrades. I told them if they waited, I’d help! I am not a sniper or a stealthy type; I’m much too clumsy for either, but… I could swim really really well! I could catch the bodies as they fell off the bridge, so the far sentry zoning out on the hill wouldn’t hear them go in. I had them wait until I had swam to the bridge, waterbreathing spell on, and then surfaced under it. A pair of clawed cat paws and a sap later, and I was catching first one orc, and then the other, breaking their falls with my outstretched hands and swimming under the bridge with one after the other to snag them up under an underwater crosspiece in the bridge supports to hide them. After that was done, I got back in the caravan.

Nah took out the last orc on the hill, zoning up behind him with her mind-numbing poison coating her daggers. A quick thrust with a hand suddenly over the orc’s mouth, and the orc fell silent. Head empty, no thoughts, he fell to the ground. A quick druidic Regrowth spell healed up his wound, and the orc would be found lying in some brush nearby after sunrise, unable to think well enough to know who he was, where he was, or what had happened to him. Oh my goodness!

After that, it was a very long ride, the night getting later and later. Maya had returned to her chocolate munching. Silly Maya! But at least she had something to do to pass the time as we traveled through the night!

Sometime after midnight, still packed into our cramped crates, I felt us stop after climbing a very steep hill. Gizz was speaking in Common in a very low voice, and I could feel the caravan cart we were in somehow feel… lighter, as though it held far fewer things. Apparently, we’d gotten into Windshear Hold, and Kaldorei guys and girls were taking their smuggled food from the caravan without making a single sound in the night! Impressive quietness from the elves!

I felt the caravan turn around at that point, going down what felt like the same steep hill we’d just climbed. I radioed in that we’d passed Checkpoint Log – more snickering from neighboring crates, and more blushing from me – and Elf Base acknowledged. Another ride, seemingly over another hour, and we went offroad and over a bunch of rolling rises in the ground, and then I felt us stop again.

The caravan cart seemed to get lighter once more as we stopped in what turned out to be Mirkfallon Post, but, as before, there was not a single sound. Very impressive, if a bit spooky! I found out later that the others had peeked, and could confirm that elves were offloading the stuff. I radioed in that we’d passed Checkpoint Puddle, to more general mirth from the others, and Elf Base acknowledged, praising us for making good time.

The next trip took probably two or three hours, trundling along the road, the rises and falls in the land sometimes bringing with it the sound of trickling or noisily splashing running water. Ever present were the plodding of kodo hooves, the clattering of the carts, Maya eating chocolate, and the songs of the night’s cicadas in the otherwise peaceful, quiet dark night.

Eventually, we came to a stop… only now, the sounds weren’t quite so peaceful. More orc voices! Oh gosh! They sounded to be arguing with Kaldorei women, and Nah, fluent as she is in Darnassian as a Kaldorei herself, reported from her crate that she could hear them protesting extortion attempts from the invasive orcish thugs. They all got out of their crates then, sneaking off while I stayed put with the comms, ready still to call in that QRF for extraction if need be, with summoned minions to deploy if things got really nasty.

Maya and Nah were sneaking up the hill toward the orcs while Lora went off to a rise on the left to take position with her rifle. Just then, however, a loud PING! could be heard, and a tiny hole was blasted into the rock, right by Lora’s right foot! Someone had just taken a shot at Lora with a silenced rifle! Lora immediately dived behind cover, and everyone was looking around. Maya reported skree falling from her right, somewhere high up the right-side cliffs. Lora looked around, spotting the moonlight glinting off of something like a piece of glass. She took aim at the spot and fired quickly, and, sure enough, an ORC slumped forward from over a rocky outcropping, falling silently right off the cliff and landing at the base of it with a loud thud! That sure distracted the orcs harassing the elf guards!

The orcs went to go investigate their fallen comrade, looking down at the corpse and up at the cliffs. Nah and Maya, taking advantage of the distraction while it lasted, snuck up and attacked! Nah’s orc, unfortunately, just happened to turn around right then and saw her coming, blocking her dagger right as Maya attacked the other orc and snapped his neck in her jaws. But Nah was spotted! The orc panicked at seeing a second comrade fall and began to turn to run, though Nah gave him a parting gift of two blades across his backside. His rump now sporting a pair of deep slashes, the orc took off at full speed, sprinting off down the hill along the road, right past the caravan I was hiding in! Lora had another shot lined up, and Maya was giving chase, quick in her cat form, and Nah was right on her tail. I didn’t see who finished the orc off, but all three of the others looked quite satisfied with themselves after that, and the caravan proceeded in from there with the food for the Night Elves.

I reported passing Checkpoint Branch (more snickering) to Elf Base, and we proceeded through what was now an ever-steepening climb up the mountains as we followed the road due north toward Stonetalon Peak, Maya munching on chocolate all the while. A couple of hours later, we felt the caravan stop again after a particularly steep road, and more orc-on-elf fighting at what must have been Thal’darah Overlook, our final food-smuggling stop on the list, and this time, it was actual fighting!

A pair of orcs were beating a couple of Night Elf rangers, and the women were not looking too good, obviously used to fighting from range as archers instead of in a melee like this one. The others unloaded and immediately charged the orcs, angered by what they were witnessing. Their charging distracted the orcs, who made one fatal mistake… they turned their backs on hostile Kaldorei. One woman leaped up piggyback onto the back of the orc she had been fighting, pulled his chin upward, and… oh gosh… yelled, “DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE AAAAAAAAUUUUUGH!” and, with each scream of, “DIE!” she plunged a dagger into his windpipe! It was SO gross! The other elf woman smirked at Nah, then leaped up onto her orc’s back as well, only this one went higher up, sitting straddling the orc’s neck, entwining her legs in front of his chest. She let her momentum continue to carry her forward into a classic Night Elf jump-into-a-front-flip, and her flip with the orc’s neck between her thighs forced a very violent front-flip by the orc as well, and she finished it with a 360-degree spin in the air during her flip, landing on her seat with the orc’s head at a truly WRONG angle, and it was obvious that that neck was totally destroyed. For good measure, while she had him there, she squeezed her thighs together, and POP! went the orc head. SO GROSS! GOSH! At least they were only orcs!

From there, I reported passing Checkpoint Bush – more mirth from my dear friends at my expense – and then we left Thal’darah Overlook, our smuggling finished successfully, bound for our meeting site at Stonetalon Peak. It was time to find our Kaldorei contact and learn where the orcs had taken that gauntlet!

More cicadas, occasional rushing water, more Maya munching chocolate (Lora warned her she’d have a tummy ache after this), and caravan clattering later, we arrived at the peak at what felt like pre-dawn. The sky was only just beginning to lighten up as we peeked out of our caravan crates again. We peered around… but no Kaldorei guy was there! Where was our contact? Had the horde found him and captured him already?! Oh, NO!

Just as we were getting concerned, however, a Kaldorei guy just… appeared, right in the middle of the convoy with us! Goodness gracious, we were so startled!

It was our contact! He identified himself as Xaldaran Lunarwing, commonly called just Xal. Xam told us he had information for us… and we weren’t going to like it! What we heard next, we didn’t like, and it wasn’t Xal’s bad news… it was orcish war horns and drums! Luckily, though, it was way, way off in the distance, down the mountain. Xal’s bad news was what was being done with the gauntlet. Apparently the orcs were going to do some sort of awful blood ritual… and they planned on doing it in the ashes of TELDRASIL! The World Tree that Sylvanas burned down in the Fourth War, home of the Night Elves and their capitol city of Darnassus! The orcs were going to empower themselves using some sort of blood magic in combination with using the gauntlet’s uncanny powers of stirring hearts to want to do noble battle, and then they were going to move it “out of our reach,” as Xal put it. Where this out-of-reach place is, he doesn’t know, but he did know that the ritual would take place in exactly one week, and that he and his people did not want Teldrasil’s ashes defiled in that manner! We didn’t either, and we also didn’t want that gauntlet in the wrong hands, so we agreed to go and stop the ritual!

Then came more bad news… the orcish war horns and drums were coming right up the mountain, straight to our position! Furthermore, Xal was telling us that the orcs had blocked off the site of the old Ruth’ran Village portal from sea level to the top of the World Tree where the land was, and that flying in was out as well, as they were shooting down fliers that weren’t horde. This leaves cliff-climbing, right up the side of Teldrasil, which was, of course, fraught with its own dangers, not to mention would take lots and lots of time to do! The only other option was what the gnomes call a HALO jump, something that we’d only done a couple of times before ever. High Altitude, Low Opening is what that acronym stands for. We’d have to jump from so high up that they couldn’t see us in the air at, at night, and then just free-fall most of the way in so they don’t see our parachutes in the skies, opening at the last second before we go SPLAT! Oh my goodness, that’s so scary!

We put it up to a vote, and the group voted skydiving, of course. Gosh! I radioed in once more, letting Elf Base know that we’d passed Checkpoint Trunk, again to the snickering of the others, and a knowing smirk from Xal, who’d dealt with SI:7 before in the past. We didn’t have time to talk about it much after that, though… the orcish warhorns and drums were getting so close, we could hear orcish mounts climbing the mountain now! I quickly radioed in for that QRF, and Xal, with nothing else to divulge, made a hasty exit back to the safety of Thal’darah Overlook. The druids and sentinels were awake there now, ready to defend against another raid with numbers and magics that would easily repel the orc thugs roaming the mountains, but we were too few in number to do much from our position. All we could do is wait on that Quick Reaction Force!

Soon, the orc thugs and their numbers appeared down the mountain, and our QRF still wasn’t there! Oh gosh, things did NOT look good for us at all! Where was our extraction team?!

Just then, overhead, a goblin zeppelin appeared! Geez, we were sandwiched, horde above AND below! Just when I was ready to summon in LOTS of reinforcing minions, however, a rope ladder descended from above, and a maniacal-looking gnome head appeared between the spokes of the railing, grinning down at us and waving us up! We got onto the rope ladder, Gizz rode with all speed back the way we came toward Thal’darah Overlook with his kodos and riders, and, before we even made it up onto the dock of the zeppelin, it took off, with us all swinging from the rope as the sun began to crest over the eastern horizon! The orcs below were furious at having only JUST missed the small, mysterious force that had decimated their highwaymen in the night, flinging spears up at us and missing by a mile at our height. The zeppelin zoomed off, with us clinging tightly to the rope ladder, and went back over Ashenvale Forest, and SAFETY! WHEW! GOODNESS GRACIOUS!

We got onto the deck, and rode, breathlessly, right over the forest, and right up the cliffs of Mount Hyjal, where that maniac gnome piloted the zeppelin RIGHT THROUGH NORDRASIL’S ROOTS! Gosh, if we’d crashed into one of those, the devastation that would have caused to not only us, but to the heckin’ WORLD TREE… but we didn’t, and we came to a stop right in front of the inn that had the portal to Stormwind in it. We were HOME FREE!

From there, Nah and I promised Maya and Lora that their payments would be delivered as usual, and said our goodnights. It had been an exhausting all-nighter, and everyone was ready for a shower and a sleep, so that’s what we did!

Now I’m just sitting here on the Wave Dancer with Celeste, relaxing and fishing and drinking delicious hazelnut coffee. Well, I am; hers is black, as per usual. We’re ending the minication today on a good note after what happened last week, so relaxation is the word of the day! Maybe we’ll hang out with friends in Anglers Wharf later and share our catch, if we have a big enough haul!

Next week will feature more DEATHROLLS! But also, a dangerous mission into hozen jungle territory, and another dangerous mission into a dark ritual being done by orcs. I do hope all goes well, and no one gets hurt, and that sha of misfortune is properly dealt with, and that gauntlet is recovered before it can do BAD things! How will everything go?! I can’t wait to find out! And I can’t wait to see what great and wonderful things will await us if – no, WHEN – we achieve victory (I have the utmost faith in Celeste and all my friends!)! It’s all gonna be so great! YAY!

Nat smiled as she tapped off the excess ink from her quill, replacing it in her quill case and capping off her inkwell. She returned both items to her pack, then went to check all the trolling lines in the water. All the bait was still secure on them, so she went to check on her little family next. Celeste was at the helm, concentrating deeply her attention went back and forth from the steering and the extended scope to the pilot’s station from the new sonar rig she’d built after Winter Veil from the book Nat had given her. Dordy was curled up in the middle of the floor, snoozing after a long period of nothing to bark at through the glass.

The Wave Dancer was meandering slowly up the river, the jungle passing slowly on either side, the Krasarang Wilds as alive in the trees and foliage as it was under the water. Nat watched the scenery passing with a peaceful smile for a moment, then checked her diary. The ink on the pages was now dry, so she returned that to her pack as well.

Just then, a line went taut at the stern, on the port side. Something was biting! Dordy, hearing the line go tight and the rod bend double, was awake, on his feet, and at the back instantly, rearing up on the low wall and parking over it at the line, his tail going furiously. Nat, noting Celeste had her hands full, darted aft to the rod, grabbing it out of its holder and taking up the fight!

Yanking hard, Nat knew she had the fish hooked, and that it was a BIG one! Pulling back and then reeling until her rod was forward again, she worked hard to fight the fish. Yank, reel, yank, reel, yank, reel, yank, reel! The fish fought hard, darting behind rocks and logs in the water, but Celeste’s penchant for high-end fishing lines saved the day! The fish was dragged out from behind everything that could cut the line, being pulled along with the boat. Before long, Nat had the fish alongside, and Celeste put the bow of the ship toward the center of the river so she could lock on the autopilot and help Nat. Coming aft herself with a fishnet on a pole, she scooped the fish up out of the water and helped get the hook out. It was an emperor salmon, at least 45 pounds! Beaming proudly, Nat got the fish into the cooler. Celeste, the thrill of the fish fight now upon her, handled the next catch, and fought a Krasarang Paddlefish as big as Nat’s salmon for a while, eventually reeling it in to Nat, who now had the net. Another thrilling fish-fight, and another big fish caught! They already had more meat than they could eat in one sitting, so it looked like that party at Anglers Wharf was on after all!

From there, it was mostly fishing. Nat and Celeste were all around the boat, reeling in fish as the biting hour of the morning came along, and soon the two coolers they’d brought with them were stuffed to bursting!

After that, it was a lot of cleaning work to do. But their friends at Anglers Wharf were more than happy to help clean the fish, and, not long after lunch, the fish were prepared for cooking!

The party was moved across Turtle Bay to Turtle Beach, with rice paper lanterns hanging from Lei Shen’s statue, dangling from jungle trees overhanging the beach, and floating all over Turtle Bay. Fish of all kinds were grilled up with all sorts of seasonings, Stormstout Brewery brews were had, and an outrageous tale of what seemed to be a freshwater whale that had only JUST gotten away was told by Celeste. Dordy had more fish than even he could eat, and ended up snoozing by the waves as the sun went down. By the time Nat was done eating drinking and partying with her friends, she felt a lot like doing the same. It was an offhand comment made without thinking, but, once the party finally ended that night and people were leaving in groups of two or three for home, Nat saw Celeste flying down to the beach on Cloud Dancer, their sleeping bags and camp pillows rolled up under one arm. Sleeping at the edge of the waves was gonna be a thing after all!

The happy family bedded down in the sand at the waves’ edge, the women speaking more and more quietly as the sleepiness settled in, and Dordy snoozing so close to the water’s edge that the waves were lapping up around his molten body slightly and creating a quietly hissing steam each time, fire protection spells or not! An arcane ward was erected in a dome over them, invisible, just keeping out unwanted visitors in the night that might fly or prowl or skitter along. Extending under them thinly, the dome kept the sand out of their sleeping bags and pillows as well. Cradled by the sound of the waves, the women dropped off to sleep, another week ending on a perfect high note!

[Natasha Ebonlocke]

January the Twenty-Sixth

The workshop in the first sub-level of the House-On-The-Spire was even more active than usual this morning. The MUTT was in the center of the workshop/hangar, Celeste leaning deep into its innards in its torso, unbolting stuff and drawing it out. The area around here was littered with parts of different sorts, most of which Nat recognized, but, not being the master engineer Celeste was, she could only guess at the functions of a few of the other parts, which were of Celeste’s own design and made from parts salvaged from the Mechagon junkyard.

Nat herself had been busy, seated at the workbench with a cargo net laid out. The cargo net was one of those used by Celeste to put on Nosebleed so he could cart stuff around for her, and this one was going to need to be expanded for an upcoming mission. Nat was working on weaving in new ropes into a grid and securing them to the next, broadening the net and increasing its carrying capacity. It was slow work, as Nat was only just learning to thatch and make nets, but it was going steadily, at least!

For now, however, sitting on and in the net were Nat’s diary, uncapped ink of purple ink, and opened cherrywood quill case. Her ravenfeather quill was in her hand, and she was ready to take a break from thatching this morning and make her week’s diary entry!

Nat thought about her week, smiling fondly at Dordy as she did so. Dordy was up on the workbench, and he’d took the other side of the cargo net and twisted a small amount of it up into a comfortable-looking nest. Dordy was curled up into a ball in his little paw-made bed, snoozing soundly. Nat gave a soft giggle at the cute little molten corgi, then dipped her quill for some ink and began to write.

Dear diary,

It’s been a short sort of week! Not a lot has happened, but what has happened has been pretty intense!

Tuesday was Deathrolls, but I wasn’t able to make it due to a meet I had with an SI:7 operative regarding our mission Wednesday night into the ashes of Teldrasil. One of their gnomish members, the same one that picked us up as the horde were bearing down on us last week on Stonetalon Peak last week, incidentally, was going to meet us on the peak of Mount Hyjal on that zeppelin he stole that we rode in last week. Tuesday, the SI:7 guy and I were outfitting that for parachutes for our HALO (high-altitude, low-opening) jump, as well as other supplies, and Nah was preparing herself for a visit to the homeland she thought she’d never return to, so we decided to send two people to the Deathrolls game in our place: the Summersong sisters.

The Summersong sisters are Quel’dorei, and House Summersong had been a noble one before the fall of Quel’thalas, and the two had carried the title of Lady. The sisters’ names are Rivenori and Jaslyn.

Lady Rivenori Summersong still carries her title and practices the traditions of her people. A former ranger of Silvermoon, this blue-eyed brunette is an outstanding shot with a bow at any range. She’s also strict, stern, and can be a bit haughty. I really like Riven, even so. She’s exceptionally loyal to the Whitewind Company, to the Whitewinds that own it, and to my bestie Nah, especially, and she’d do anything to help any of us here in the company. She’s an awesome friend!

Her sister Jaslyn, known by her friends as Jazz, is the complete opposite! Jaslyn, a red-headed fireball of an elf, has always thought Quel’dorei tradition to be “stuffy and boring,” as she puts it, and would rather be brawling in a bar, hitting on men, or out “hacking trolls apart,” as she says. She lives in Quel’danil Lodge in the Hinterlands, the Quel’dorei hunting lodge there, and she has for nearly a century. With the Wildhammer dwarves for neighbors, she’s found people who like what she likes: nature (the Wildhammers and elves will always love nature, even elves like Jazz), drinking, brawling, and adventuring in general. Jazz is what my bestie Nah would refer to as a “bad girl.” Her quick wit and quick humor make her the life of any party, yet all that can turn to fire and fury at the slightest provocation, returning just as quickly to mirth when the moment passes. The worst of the “bad girl” stuff is her penchant for chasing men, which apparently came into play during the Deathrolls game. Oh gosh!

The game itself was played in Pinky’s Groggery in Upton Borough, Boralus, the open-air bar there, which makes me regret all the more missing the game! I haven’t played there in forever! Yet I’m almost glad I didn’t go, given where the game went. It is already being called the “Elfrolls” game, as Jazz, Riven, our friend Lora (the gun-loving Quel’dorei sniper that has been adventuring with us lately), and our new friend Ashlaine, the priestess-turned-monk that played with us last week, were all there. The fifth player was the only one that wasn’t an elf: my buddy Grimmie!

From what I hear, there were Dares that sent people off the balcony of Pinky’s and into the chilly January seawater. BRR! That resulted in people stripping down to what Jazz referred to as their “skivvies,” as they didn’t want to mess up their clothes. Knowing Grim, I already don’t wanna know too much of what happened with him and four High Elf women in their smallclothes did! There was also quite a bit of alcohol involved, and not all of it was Jazz’s or Grim’s suggestion, actually. The game involved everything from Grim climbing to the roof and shimmying up the pole to the crow’s nest built over Pinky’s, still in his own smallclothes, screaming at the top of his lungs all the things he loves about elf women, which, I hear, drew yells of other unseen people that were within shouting distance, replying with their own thoughts on the matter. Oh gosh! Ash and Lora spent time in Grim’s lap, Grim spent a rather inordinate amount of time in Jazz’s lap, seated in front of her with her limbs wrapped around his mostly-bare form. Jazz had Grim and Riven do a race, still in their skivvies, crawling on all fours while they pushed a bottle with their noses across the plank deck of the establishment. Riven had Lora be the flag girl, using Grim’s shirt as the flag she’d drop to start the race as the racers lined up on either side of her, and Jazz was using Grim’s PANTS to wave around as the flag girl at the finish line! Oh gosh! Riven won that one, as I hear. The rest of it were too-spicy-to-write Truths and Dares that would have sent me running for the hills, blushing hard. But I’m glad everyone had fun! I know Grim did… all the flirting the two did over the course of the game ended with Grim taking Jazz home with him for the night! OHMIGOSH!

Then last night was weekly Whitewind Company adventure! It was a really scary experience... almost TOO intense!

We met in the aforementioned stolen zeppelin on Mount Hyjal as planned. It was me, my bestie Nah (a real surprise, as she had sworn long ago never to return to Teldrasil, and had reiterated that point last week when it was discovered that the gauntlet had been taken there), Ash from Deathrolls games that’s a priestess-turned-monk, and our sniper friend Lora. We haven’t been able to free up Grim for adventuring in forever, though. I wish we could get him to come back! Anywho, we met on the zeppelin, I refreshed our briefing on the mission (our Kaldorei contact guy last week had said the gauntlet had been taken to the ashes of Teldrasil for some sort of awful blood ritual, and, if not stopped there, the gauntlet would be taken “out of reach,” so we needed to stop them here), and then away we went!

The zeppelin flew us across the water from the Kalimdor mainland, going up to great heights before coming in over Teldrasil, as our Kaldorei contact had warned that the orcs on Teldrasil preparing things for the blood ritual had been shooting down fliers, which was the whole reason for our HALO jump: fall through the skies at speed, just tiny falling objects blending in with the night sky in our night camouflage, then open our chutes at the last second and drift to the ground. Once we were in position, we headed to the railing of the zeppelin, our parachute packs strapped to our backs. Once everyone was ready, we JUMPED!

That was when the first of a number of things went wrong.

A windstorm we’d spied on the flight in had caught up with us much more quickly than we anticipated! The wind caught us in a high-altitude sort of cyclone that was powerful enough to catch us and throw us around! Even the zeppelin was having a hard time of it! Then, worse, everyone got swirled away in different directions! I ended up being flung toward the northeastern quadrant of Teldrasil, tumbling fast, and ended up having to activate my chute without anyone else in sight because I was getting close to the ground. When I landed, I fell, and I looked around. No one else was in sight!

We got on our gnomish communicators – thank the Light we have those! – and we started trying to get a sense of where we all were. It looked like everyone had been separated, and no one could see anyone else! Nah said she’d been flung eastward, like me, except she had been high up the southeastern rim of Teldrasil. Ash began to speak a little, but we lost contact with her and couldn’t get her on the comms anymore. I figured the windstorm must have knocked out her comms! Lora had ended up somewhere to the far west. I suggested to Nah that she sneak north, and that I head south, and we’d just meet in the middle, then we’d sneak west to find Lora, as Lora was telling us some landmarks around her for us to find, and then we’d go and find Ash. That would be the hardest part; we had no idea where Ash landed before we lost contact with her!

It didn’t take long for my bestie Nah to find me. She’s awesome at sneaking around and looking for things she wants, and I’m a klutz that anyone could spot from a mile away, so it wasn’t long before I was stifling a startled scream of surprise when I suddenly found myself being TICKLED by unseen hands! Gosh, Nah!

From there, we went north around a big hill and then west along the northern walls. It was really sad to walk through it all, especially with Nah there, being unusually silent and staring around at the burned-out forest she’d once called home. Kaldorei building frames sat mostly-burned and falling apart. Trees that had once towered high above everything were now just burned stumps. Everything was dark enough in the night without being smeared with soot and ash! Still, on we trudged, communicating with Lora to find landmarks we might both see from our respective vantage points.

What we came across next made our blood run cold.

Suddenly, out of the darkness, loomed a whole huge ORC encampment! Not just a few tents with a few orcs, but lots of orc burrows, an orc army battle tent, a stables, a workshop, and a huge watchtower! There were enough buildings here to hold at least a battalion of orc grunts! Worse still, that stable was full of orcish worgs for the orcs to ride! Oh, NO!

Nah and I bellied up on top of a low hill overlooking the camp, and we were able to use the orc camp and our hill to triangulate landmarks for Lora to finally find us and join us. When she did, she went prone on the hill with us and started peering at the camp through her rifle scope.

Strangely, the enormous camp was mostly empty. We had no idea why that would be, but hey, we’d take it! Lora reported seeing a single orc guard at every structure. She also said they were practicing “poor light discipline,” which I guess meant they were carrying torches that would ruin their night vision and limit visibility down to several feet, as well as making themselves extremely visible.

The strangest thing she reported was that these orcs were red instead of green! These were Mag’har orcs from Draenor, the ones that never turned green from drinking fel blood!

I came up with a plan quickly. Nah, stealthy as she is, could sneak into the camp and search for Ash, as we were now worried that Ash’s sudden radio silence might have meant she had been taken captive by the orcs. Lora would provide overwatch, covering Nah from our hill outside the camp with her rifle. Nah snickered in that cocky manner of hers, and quickly left the hill.

Lora kept me apprised of Nah’s movements, and Nah did over the comms as well. Nah was sneaking from building to building, unseen by the orc guards at each one, searching them all for some sort of evidence that might lead to Ash’s location. All locations were empty, but, when she got to the orcish battle commander’s tent, she located a list with several items written on it: one sacrificial altar, one bowl big enough to hold a heart and a gallon of blood, one ritual sacrificial knife, and one arcane rune of imbuement. Looks like we’d found their list of items for what they’d need for a blood ritual! What ever they had planned, it sounded downright grisly…

As Nah continued moving around the camp, no sounds were heard in the middle of the night, save a few screams of orcish rage coming from somewhere inside the tower. Someone was very angry in there!

Eventually, Nah made her way west to east, coming up on the worg stables. She was careful to give it a wide birth, as worgs can sniff out stealthy types, but that was fine; the interior of the stables was visible enough to check it for Ash anyway. Nope… not in there either!

That’s when we got the worst surprise of the whole night.

A light approached from the interior of the watchtower, coming out the front door. An orc appeared, a red Mag’har orc, and he looked odd, Lora reported as she gazed through her scope. This orc looked like he’d been electrocuted or something; his clothing was all singed, and all his hair was on end! He was carrying the front end of something that appeared to be quite heavy. Behind him, carrying the other end, was another Mag’har orc with a smashed-up, bloody nose. Both orcs looked quite angry, and I wondered aloud of these two orcs had been the ones we’d heard screaming with rage from within the tower the entire time.

Lora stiffened suddenly, her scope following the thing between the two orcs, and I knew it was bad…

There, right there, between the two orcs, was ASH! She was lying spread-eagle on the altar on her back, her face bloodied and swollen, her neck bearing the marks of being strangled some by large, orcish hands, her wrists and ankles tied to the leg of the altar they were closest to with rather strong-looking ropes. Another orc, this one very, very old, toddled out behind the two younger orcs, carrying a torch in his left hand and a long, wicked looking knife in his right. The altar was heading for a small, broad pit in the land, in the midst of which suddenly glowed a purple arcane rune. It didn’t take long for any of us to connect the dots…

The sacrifice they planned to use for their blood ritual, to get a heart and a gallon of blood, was ASH! Oh, NO!

Then, to make matters worse, an orcish warhorn sounded somewhere from the tower, and all the orcs left in the camp came and began to converge on the spot where the two younger orcs were setting down the altar with Ash on it in the middle of the rune in the pit!

The old orc announced to those already nearby that they, the Mag’har, pure of blood unlike those that had corrupted theirs with the fel blood of the pit lord Mannoroth, were the only orcs fit for a more pure imbuing of power: the right-hand gauntlet of Princess Ariel Sunstrider, the powers it gave to inspire anyone and everyone to be driven with the desire to do battle for a noble cause, would now imbue its power upon the blood of the Mag’har themselves, and all who partook in the ritual, drinking the blood of an equally pure Quel’dorei, also uncorrupted by fel or void, blood with the pure elf heart floating in it, would take on the power of the gauntlet for their own. Ohmigosh, imagine an entire army of Princess Ariel Sunstrider, if she were multiplied by thousands and put into orc bodies! This had to be STOPPED immediately!

Nah sprang into action quickly, intercepting solo orcs before they could reach the pit and make the site of the sacrifice too well-defended to attack. Quiet stabs from the shadows with her poisoned blades, saps from her blackjack or whatever her knockout club is called to stun orcs before dispatching those as well, darting around in the shadows to and fro, acting quickly. It was impressive to see the orcs suddenly falling without ever seeing Nah once! Even from the distant hill I occupied with Lora, it looked very professionally done!

The problem came when the orc guarding the stables decided to be lazy and mount up on a worg before coming to answer the summons from the orcish warhorn. That worg could sniff Nah out before Nah ever even got close!

Thinking fast, I got Lora to draw a bead on the wolf. Lora took careful aim, and fired. Too high! Lora checked the impact spot from her shot, lining up again. HIT! The bullet took the worg in the head, and the orc stumbled from his fallen mount. Nah was on him in a second, dispatching him with a rapid series of stabs before leaving him in the shadows to approach the pit… and Ash, still tied to the altar, her face still bloodied and swollen, the marks of the bruising around her neck more clear than ever now that torches were gathering.

Nah was approaching the pit now, and Lora said she was going to get closer, since the pit was at the far end of the camp from where we were. I went with her, and we set up on another low knoll pretty close to the pit.

From here, there were the two young orcs and the old orc in the pit, with two more strong orcs up on the edge of the pit looking down. The orcs in the pit were chanting and stamping rhythmically in the pit, their ritual underway, chanting their song. The old orc turned and put his knife – and his HANDS! – into a brazier with fire, and he HELD them there! But, though the knife began to glow hot, his hands were unharmed! Definitely some magic going on here! Then he turned back to Ash, raising his dagger high over her heart as his song reached a crescendo. Ash lay there, struggling, trying to break her bonds, but unable to escape. We had to act NOW!

Lora and I had an orc come up onto our knoll, not seeing us as he made his way to the pit. Lora took him out fast with her knife, dragging him into a ditch so she could set up aim on the orcs near the pit’s edge. Nah snuck in herself, getting into position. I had my wrathguard and imp summoned, Mek-barash and Wikpik standing their ready to spill blood.

It was now or never!

Nah sprang up on her orc on the edge of the pit, yanking him backwards into the shadows for another quiet kill, although, as close as he was to the other orcs, he was spotted falling backward! That was fine; Mek-barash and Wikpik beheaded and burned with felfire the other orc while Lora was on her feet now, firing shots rapidly into the group, a gnomish fully-automatic fire setting engaged, and all three orcs in the pit dropped! The two younger ones fell immediately, and the old orc, now roundly perforated, was on his knees, one hand on the altar, the other still gripping that long, wicked-looking knife. Coughing up blood, he used the altar to drag himself to his feet, a water elemental appearing next to him. The elemental had a stream of water flowing into the old orc, healing his wounds! Nah called out an alert that he old orc was a shaman, and began to move in closer.

As Nah slid down into the pit and approached the old shaman, another elemental appeared: an air elemental, this one moving right to the shaman, almost seeming to go THROUGH the shaman as it enveloped the shaman in its windy body. The air elemental began to rise, the old shaman’s robes billowing about, blood spraying everywhere, though the water elemental’s healing still seemed to be slowing the blood considerably. The air elemental was flying off with the shaman, our only lead on that gauntlet! If he escaped, the gauntlet would likely end up in the wrong hands for sure!

Nah was having none of that!

Leaping heroically after the shaman, her poison-coated dagger sank deep into the right thigh of the old orc and stuck there. Nah hung on tight, refusing to let go… and the air elemental ended up carrying her off as well, as a result!

We didn’t know what to do then. Lora had cut Ash’s bonds, freeing her, but how were we to get to Nah? Onyx always follows me wherever I go, but how would the others fly after Nah with me? Then the answer came to me – duh! Call that zeppelin on the comms and have him come back!

Our ride came and picked us up, and we followed southeast, where Nah had last been seen flying. We went after her with all speed, eventually hearing that she’d landed with the orc in Darkshore, at the nearest waterfall to Teldrasil. We landed there shortly thereafter, finding Nah looking grim over the old orc, who was now messily dead in the grass.

The orc, it seemed, had rasped out a few last words. Something about the “main ritual,” and how they would never have the power to stop it.

But what did this mean? We were clueless. We’d barbequed our only lead, and we didn’t know where to go next!

Then, after speaking on it a bit, we remembered what the Kaldorei guy had said on Stonetalon Peak last week: if the gauntlet isn’t intercepted at Teldrasil, then it will be moved “beyond our reach.” I reminded the group of this, and then pointed out that the orcs we’d encountered were Mag’har orcs, the orcs that never drank of Mannoroth’s blood. Where would a Mag’har orc go to take something beyond our reach?

Ash spoke the answer first: They’d go to their own alternate timeline, to Draenor.

We then discussed places they’d secure it. Blackrock Foundry and Hellfire Citadel were the strongest two places there, but the latter was generally shunned by the Mag’har, who hated all things fel. Blackrock Foundry was a Mag’har built fortress, immeasurably strong, and inhabited by hundreds, if not thousands, of orcs. Gosh, if they got it in there, how could we POSSIBLY get it out? And imagine that blood ritual being done in that fortress with that many Mag’har in it! The result would be cataclysmic!

The good thing is, SI:7 keeps tabs on Draenor still. I could return to SI:7 headquarters and give them the update, then have them look for the gauntlet and track its movements.

The final question remaining was… where the heck were all the orcs? That camp clearly held a huge number of orcs. Why had we not encountered them when we first found the camp?

The answer? ASH! Ash had been interrogated, and, after being beaten and strangled even worse than the beating she’d given her captors with a headbutt to break one’s nose and the crackling of a monk’s jade lightning to electrocute another (which explained the orcish screams of rage we’d heard when we first got to the camp, and the damaged state the two younger orcs carrying the altar had been in), had pretended to give up information the orcs sought: she’d been interrogated and tortured for whereabouts on her comrades, as clearly no one parachutes into enemy territory alone, and she’d pretended to cave in, stating that an immense army had infiltrated Teldrasil, and were planning on attacking the camp! The old orc immediately ordered most of the garrison out on search parties to check all of Teldrasil for this army, with orders to form up and attack once it located them. Ha! Good old Ash! She likely saved all our lives, getting all those orcs out of the camp! Well played!

That ended the night, with promises from me to keep the others regularly updated on the findings of SI:7. Nah and I made the usual assurances that the normal payments would be delivered for our outside contractors, Ash and Lora, with a hefty additional amount to Ash, whose first and only mission with us had immediately resulted in her capture and torture, and who had also likely saved our lives with the fake story she’d fed the Mag’har orcs.

Next week, we’ll be using whatever findings SI:7 comes up with to travel to Draenor and stop the Mag’har, and, if that means storming Blackrock Foundry itself and blasting our way through hundreds or even thousands of orcs, then that’s just what we’ll have to do!

In the meantime, I have some prep work to do. Nosebleed’s cargo nets need expanding for the amount of veggies and stuff we wanna take into the Jade Forest to appease the hozen Celeste and I are gonna search for. The harvesting of some particularly choice crops from our Halfhill farm is gonna have to be done. We’ll have to make sure that the trillium box holding that jade statue inhabited by that sha of misfortune isn’t trying to spring and unlucky leaks. And Celeste also wants to re-outfit the MUTT into the ARMUTT again, armoring it and arming it to the teeth like she has before, so that we can look imposing and have a way to respond if attacked, but mostly, look imposing enough to make the hozen resist wanting to attack us to begin with. With our work cut out for us today, I’d better go get started!

I can’t wait to see how everything goes! The mission next week into Draenor will be intense, and so will this mission into hozen territory! But hopefully we can get to the bottom of the sha of misfortune thing, turning not only our luck around for the better, but also helping the poor hozen that this thing must have impacted so hard! Then it’ll be good luck for all! YAY!

Nat tapped off the excess ink from her quill, her heart full of hope for the future. She replaced the quill in its case, closing it and capping off her inkwell. These went upstairs to their home in her office desk, her coffee mug and Celeste’s going up with her for a refill. With a light splash of liquid hazelnut creamer in her own mug, she went back downstairs to check on Celeste.

Celeste was in the cockpit, using the MUTT’s own arms to fit its thick armor plating onto itself, then using the retractable drill built into one of its hands to bolt the armor on tight. Nat had asked once why the MUTT wasn’t simply armored all the time, and Celeste explained how the extra weight produced drag during flying and walking or running that caused lots of extra fuel consumption. So, here she was, putting the heavy armor and guns back on for their mission – the extra fuel spent would be worth it to ensure their safety. Nat returned to her task with Nosebleed’s cargo nets, weaving extra loops of good, strong rope into the net and securing it, expanding the nets for the work ahead.

Eventually, both tasks were completed, and the pair decided a break and a relaxing time was needed to end the minication. They visited Other Nat in Anglers Wharf, who happily took them out on his rowboat for some old-fashioned fishing with little to no technology, a full cooler of brews, and some jerky to snack on. Fishing from a rowboat in Turtle Bay was quite refreshing, much as Nat loved the comforts and gadgets of the Wave Dancer. The catch was modest, but it was enough to feed three adult humans and one ravenous pup, so they built a fire on the edge of the waves on Turtle Bay and cooked up their catch for dinner while Dordy, full of energy from being cooped up on the rowboat all day, spent the evening chasing crabs and turtles all over the beach, sniffing at fascinating new scents, and generally frolicking and making an adorable scene.

That night, their bellies full, Dordy’s energy all run off, the little family returned home to the House-On-The-Spire. The minication had ended on a high note, mission preparation was well underway for the upcoming missions to the Jade Forest and to Draenor, and all was right with the world. Nat fell asleep with a smile on her face, already thinking ahead to the happy times she’d spend with her family and friends in the coming week. There were only three workdays she’d have to get through in between now and then, yet still, she couldn’t wait!

[Natasha Ebonlocke]

(( The following post contains some mild adult themes. Reader discretion is advised. Not for under-18s. Enjoy! ))

February the Second

Tinkering sounds once again filled the workshop in the first sub-level of the House-On-The-Spire. The ARMUTT stood in the middle of the workshop/hangar, its mechanical guts hanging out of it, as was Celeste. Its heavy armor pieces had already been taken off, Celeste using the ARMUTT’s own strength to unbolt and remove the plates and lean them against the rock wall Nat had painted a mural onto when the house was built. The plates leaned up against a colorful bit of coral with a sea turtle swimming through it. Now it had its torso doors thrown open wide, and Celeste was unwiring the massive guns and other armaments she’d ingeniously built in for her family’s protection when off on dangerous missions. The bulletproof glass dome was still over the cockpit. She’d have to get that after the weaponry came off.

Nat had helped unbolt the armor plates so Celeste could get them off with the ARMUTT’s arms, and now, since only one person can really get into the rebuilt goblin shredder’s insides at a time, Celeste was handling that, and Nat had her diary spread out on the workbench, ready to write this week’s entry.

Dordy was curled up at Nat’s feet due to another ingenious Celeste idea. Celeste knew that Dordy would be all for playing Keep-Away with everything he could lift that Celeste pulled off the ARMUTT, or with her tools, so, when a breakfast of biscuits with sausage gravy was made that morning, she’d made she he’d stuffed his fiery face with as much as he could handle. Now, with the deep sleep of a “food coma” setting in, Celeste and Nat could work in peace while their beloved pet snoozed all morning!

Nat peeked under the workbench smiled at Dordy, curled up under the workbench out of the way, sleeping peacefully. She sat up straight again and had another smile for Celeste, who’d just emerged from the ARMUTT with cables and wires dangling all over her head and shoulders. A random bystander might think she’d met with some mishap, but Nat knew Celeste well enough to know that there was a method to her chaos, and that those cables and wires were there for a reason, and she knew exactly what she was doing with each and every one of them.

Turning with a smile at the thought of how much she loved her little family, she returned to her current project. Her diary was open before her, and, to her right, her cherrywood quill case and inkwell of purple ink. She dipped her quill for ink and went to work.

Dear diary,

Holy smokes, what a jam-packed week it’s been this week! Every day has had something going on! Monday, Celeste and I went on that adventure to find out who the hozen was that had had so much bad luck, a sha of misfortune had manifested and been trapped by him in a jade monkey statue, locked into a box, and chucked in the river! Tuesday was Deathrolls, and Wednesday was a really intense mission with the Whitewind Company!

Monday was a really impressive display of ingenuity by Celeste, not only in her engineering skills, but also her ability to intimidate and overwhelm! Gosh, she sure learned a lot growing up… the orphanage, life with parents in a group run by a leader of ill repute, her time in the group herself, her dealings with her twin brother Tomlin… she is one tough cookie!

“Alright so here’s the plant I have so far…” Celeste said Sunday evening, unrolling a map of the Jade Forest on the dinner table. “There are a few tribes of hozen in the forest. Most are hostile or historically aligned with the Horde. There’s an armistice, but I’m not sure they got the memo. To help our chances we’ll need to project strength and come with gifts. Show ‘em we’re not pushovers, but also coming as, well… friends, sort of. I’m thinking we’ll put some of our farmed vegetables in Nosebleed’s cargo nets. Hozen don’t like water so most wouldn’t appreciate fish. One of us will ride Nosebleed while the other opens the way with the MUTT. I doubt the hozen who made the idol would have put it close to home so we’ll try the northern part of the forest first.”

"That's just a great idea, Celeste!" I exclaimed. "There's elements of both gifts and strength there, because what hozen wouldn't think twice when the MUTT comes shredding its way through the bamboo to find them, and then, stomping its way right behind that, is big ol' Nosebleed! The show of strength will keep them from attacking, especially if I have Mek-barash and a few imps trundling along with us. Is that overkill? Then Nosebleed's cargo nets full of food and maybe some random shiny stuff we don't want oughta go over a storm!"

''So you want to ride Nosebleed, or open the trail in front with Dordy in the MUTT?” Celeste asked. “For this expedition I've turned it back into the ARMUTT. I know the Horde armed the hozen years ago. I'm not taking chances on a stray shot hitting anyone.'' Celeste rolled up the map and finished her coffee. ''Also, I'm packing VINE suits, my rifle and spear as well. Let's leave the summoned critters or a surprise if things get dicey. They aren't familiar with imps and the likes of Mek-barash. Popping up those suddenly would give us a great edge if we're in trouble.''

"Oh gosh, you're the way better shot, and way better engineer!" I replied to her question. "You'd be better at running the ARMUTT than I would. I'll come trampling in behind on Nosebleed! And the VINEs and the summoned minions only coming in at need is a great idea... if they regain their composure after we bring in the heavies to show dominance, they'll lose it again once a whole army of stuffs comes along! Great thinking, Celeste! When do we go?"

“As soon as we’re ready. We’ll have to stop at the farm to pick up some veggies first. Nosebleed’ll get you there quick enough then it’s another good ride to the Jade Forest. I wonder if Penny got a chance to try Cloud Serpent racing. Maybe she made a friend and could help us spot Hozen tribes from the air…”

"Oh, yeah, aerial overwatch would be really nifty to have! And that much more of a presence if her new cloud serpent, if she has one yet, is big enough to ride! And veggies, let's see... those carrots and cabbages are getting huge, as are those watermelons. That's a fruit, but heck, I'm sure the hozen will want fruits as well. Too bad we don't have a whole grove of banana trees! I guess a little of everything we DO have will suffice. I almost wanna offer them some spare parts that they might like because they're shiny, but I don't want them littering in that beautiful jungle. I suppose fruits and veggies it is!"

The next morning, Monday morning, the MUTT was used to store the large vegetables in Nosebleed’s cargo nets. The giant direhorn was given vegetables of his own to munch on in the meantime, to give him some energy for the journey ahead. He seemed to not care either way, eating placidly even with Dordy barking and running around him.

“We’re just about loaded up!” Celeste said from the cockpit of the ARMUTT as she placed a large carrot in a cargo net. “This is quite the bounty. I’m wondering if we won’t attract attacks with this rather than preventing them.”

I made sure the cargo net was secure after depositing a giant cabbage of my own, then scooped up Dordy as he came around past me, still barking at Nosebleed. Giving him a big squeeze and handing him off to Celeste, I Blinked up onto Nosebleed's back and gave Celeste a thumbs-up.

"I sure hope a cargo this big and flashy doesn't attract that sort of attention, yeah," I said. "I'll keep a look out around us while you blaze the trail, just in case. If anything comes close, I'm sure Dordy and Nosebleed will protect us!"

I giggled at that, giving Nosebleed a pat on the neck. Nosebleed didn't respond, still lazily munching the last bit of his giant veggies as though nothing were going on.

“Alright looks like this expedition is s go then!” Celeste exclaimed lowering the armored dome of the ARMUTT. Since the battle against the devilsaur, Celeste had improved the design, adding a fan that took air from the outside, filtered it through activated charcoal then pushed it into the cockpit. Now the view ports didn’t fog up! More Celeste ingenuity!

Some time later, deep in the Jade Forest…

The ARMUTT clomped forward, using the saw in the non gun-arm to clear a path through the tall bamboo so Nosebleed could get through.

“Except for that abandoned hut in the trees earlier, there’s no sign of the hozen or their dwellings,” Celeste pointed out over the comms. “I expected to have encountered a few tribes by now, though.” The clicks and whirs of the MAD system, on non-lethal mode, was heard in the background.

“Either the tribes are gone for some reason, or we’re getting real close. Keep your eyes peeled!”

I did just that, keeping my eyes peeled, head on a swivel, peering around searchingly as I took in the dense bamboo jungle setting. It was indeed strange that there were no hozen villages yet.

I rolled up and down with Nosebleed's lazy, yet somehow still rapid lumbering. I considered summoning an Eye of Kilrogg to fly around and search faster, but I didn't want the presence of fel to give the wrong impression to those I wanted to bring gifts to and parlay with.

"I can't think where they might have gone," I said. "Do you think the misfortunes of the one hozen were actually the misfortunes of the whole tribe? Maybe they migrated far away."

“Hmm, I haven’t thought of that,” Celeste replied over the comms. “The sha was contained though; you’d think they’d have been able to live freely now, but maybe not. Look at us, we’ve had a lot of misfortune since we found it, before getting the charms.”

There then sounded a steady bleeping sound in the background of Celeste’s comms, and then I saw the ARMUTT’s flare launcher swivel forward, though it didn’t fire. “…Hold on, I have movement on the perimeter of the MAD’s detection range.” Celeste’s voice then sounded loudly out of a bullhorn fixed to the shoulder of the ARMUTT.

“We come in peace and we bring gifts to purchase safe passage. We would like-“

A rifle cracked somewhere up ahead and the bullet pinged off of the ARMUTT’s dome.

“I’m seeing about a dozen hozen up ahead, hiding in the bamboo,” Celeste reported over the comms. “I think that was a warning shot. The others are armed but haven’t fired.”

I gasped at the rifle shot, ducking down low and peering about in alarm.

”Oh gosh, and I have no armor around me besides Nosebleed's crest!" I radioed back. "We gotta figure out how to show them their gifts without taking a bullet!"

Celeste’s voice came over the loudspeaker again.

“We are NOT here to invade your territory. We come bearing gifts to trade for safe passage and information!”

Then, the ARMUTT’s dome opened and Celeste came out, hands clearly visible.

“I’m coming out. Let’s talk! No need for fighting!”

She Blinked out of the ARMUTT, which caused some consternation among the hozen. A few started hooting and growling, but Celeste calmly held her stance and moved forward, away from the safety of the ARMUTT and Nosebleed’s giant bulk. The direhorn chuffed, a rare sign of agitation. He must have sensed the tension in the air though he remained in place, waiting for my commands.

The fear that went through my heart as Celeste Blinked right out into the open area of the hozen ambush's kill zone was palpable enough to leave a foul feeling of nausea in my stomach. I couldn’t believe she’d just done that! Some distant part of my mind registered the facts, however, that A: if I could go on weekly missions to do dangerous things for the good of the world, then I should allow Celeste the same license, and B: whatever one thought of our previous group was, or, more to the point, their leader, there was still no denying that Celeste's life before and during that time left her well-prepared for such situations, and C: Celeste was not, after all, unarmed – loathe though she might be to use her fire magic, she still had it with her if she needed it!

I remained behind cover for now, ducking behind Nosebleed’s great crest, not wanting to do something to jeopardize Celeste's move to show peaceful intentions, opting to speak in a low voice to Nosebleed and pat his neck to soothe him for now, prepared to Blink at a moment's notice from his back right into the cockpit of the ARMUTT and open fire.

There was nothing to do now but wait...

A hozen finally stepped forward, a large specimen with a stained bandolier containing just a few bullets for the rusted rifle he carried.

“Why you come? You no belong here!” he demanded, stamping the ground with his feet. “You leave food and go!” he added, receiving hoots and howls from his buddies.

Celeste slowly walked back to the ARMUTT and opened the trillium box strapped to the machine’s torso. She pulled out the monkey figurine and held it high.

“I’ve come looking for the hozen that crested this!” she said loudly. The hozen around her hooted, screeched and howled louder. All around them the jungle was full of hozen sounds. It was then that I noticed Celeste subtly press the button of a remote control tied to her belt. The ARMUTT’s back popped open and the HEAP device was extended out and up on a mechanical hinge! It immediately started humming as it built up power! I understood that Celeste likely had planned all along to magnetize the guns the horde had given the hozen years ago to fight the Alliance. Well, here we go!

I watched with impressed surprise as the guns flew threw the air and smacked into the HEAP device, one of them backfiring and exploding the chamber. A few spears, arrows, and knives flew from the trees to the big magnet as well, and I was deeply grateful for the cockpit over the ARMUTT protecting Dordy, yip-yipping heroically at the hozen from his harness. I even had to stifle a giggle as the big boss hozen was pulled forward a few steps, eventually being pulled into a bent-double position as the few bullets in his stained bandolier joined the rest of the hozens’ metallic weapons on the ARMUTT HEAP.

A few screamed threats of ooking the dookers, jibbing the wickets in the jabbers, and horking the dook-orkers later, I found myself secretly glad I could hide behind Nosebleed's impressive crest... I was able to hide my silent laughter!

Celeste, having ducked as soon as the HEAP had fired up, stood up straight again, then slowly walked to the hozen and unhooked the clasp of the bandolier, freeing the hozen boss.

“Nat, bring Nosebleed forward,” Celeste directed over the comms. “It should complete our show of strength, and we’ll see if we can still buy some goodwill with a few tasty veggies.”

"Right," my reply came over the comms. "Making my approach."

In addition to the shock and awe of the ARMUTT's disarming of the hozen, a whole dang DIREHORN strode into the hozens’ midst! However, it at least APPEARED docile... and it was laden with FOOD!

I came up beside Celeste, bringing Nosebleed along at a slow, unthreatening speed, coming to a stop and turning Nosebleed to where all the veggies would be visible to the hozen at once.

The hozen, already surprised by their sudden disarming, grew silent at the arrival of the giant direhorn. Nosebleed, in a rare show of strength trumpeted loudly and smashed the ground with his tail.

“Oookay…” Celeste said, grinning at Nosebleed and I, then putting on her game face, turned to the hozen boss. “We came in peace and you fired on us. We’re still hoping to just talk. So how about it? Free food, a simple chat, and we’re gone. Good dooking deal, no?” She added the last while imitating the hozen’s speech and tone in a silly way.

The hozen boss looked up at the cargo nets full of food, then peered at Celeste’s wide-brimmed fishing hat. “Fo Fook” he said simply, gesturing to the idol Celeste had brought.

“Waitaminute!” Celeste said after gasping in surprise. “You mean the same Fo Fook, the hozen Angler?”

My face went from surprise at Nosebleed's display to triumphant grin to surprised again at the mention of that name.

"Fo Fook?" I asked, my purple eyes wide. "Wow, really? Fo Fook was responsible for the sha of misfortune? Gosh, what do we do now?"

“Now we honor our deal,” Celeste answered. “I’ll deactivate the HEAP while you get back up on Nosebleed and unload the cargo nets. There’s a handle next to the saddle that’ll lower them. Everything should just tumble right out!”

Celeste unhooked the remote control from her belt and hit a different button on it, disengaging the power to the HEAP. The hozens’ weapons fell to the ground around the ARMUTT and the HEAP device returned to its socket in the back of the ARMUTT.

“Right,” Celeste said, turning back to the hozen, “thanks for the information. You can have the produce as well as your weapons. We’ll check the information you gave us. We’ll be back if it was a lie, and there won’t be any vegetables next time…”

Celeste glared at the hozen to push her intentions home. The hozen boss cowered a bit, then slinked off to get his rifle.

I moved Nosebleed forward, then found the handle to lower the cargo nets. Just as Celeste said, everything just tumbled right out! I let the hozen pick off what few items were still sitting on the cargo nets, then used the handle to raise the nets back into place. Nosebleed, sensing an ease in the tension in the air, went back to his usual docile state and didn't even seem to notice the hozen all around. Such was Celeste's effect when she really wanted to put her foot down!

Still wanting to be careful, I backed Nosebleed up rather than turn him around and turn my back on the hozen. Once I was back near the ARMUTT, I stopped, waiting for Celeste, seeing if she had anything else left that she wanted to do, or if she was good to go. I beamed with pride and admiration at Celeste in the meantime. I was really impressed!

Celeste wasted no time in returning to the ARMUTT and giving Dordy some reassuring pats.

“If it’s true that our idol-making stranger is actually an Angler, then there might be a way to break this misfortune curse once and for all. A sha is a manifestation of strong emotions like doubt, fear and hatred. Fo Fook probably thought his luck as a fisherman was really bad or something. If we can convince him of the contrary, the sha would lose its source of power. At least, that’s my theory, if I listened to Suyin correctly.”

Celeste spoke to me from the cockpit of the ARMUTT (the dome was raised) as she brought the machine closer.

“So now we go back to the wharf and talk to our hozen friend.”

I smiled, impressed again.

"Yeah!" I replied. "We could convince him of that! Remember when you first taught me to fish, and we were out in Turtle Bay on your iceberg, and I was doing like you said, and I caught LOTS?! I bet, if you coached him up too, he'd have the same results, and the sha would vanish from his newfound confidence! That's a great idea, Celeste!"

So that’s the plan for the coming week, Celeste and I going to Fo Fook in Anglers Wharf and talking to him about that jade monkey statue thing. If he really did make it, then that would explain why he’s so far south, away from his northern Jade Forest jungle tribe, and also why he’s on the furthest sandbar away from the rest of Anglers Wharf… he feels too unfortunate to be around others! We shall soon see!

Then Tuesday was DEATHROLLS! I had a real treat planned for everyone after having missed last week’s game… we went to Anvilmar in Dun Morogh to play this time, and I made everyone CHILI! It was me, my bestie Nah, my old buddy Grimmie, and our good friends Maya (who has yet another new pet, a tiny white kitten named Snowball), Lora, and Anna!

I got there early, working hard to make the very best chili I had ever made. The smell of a heavy, hearty chili pervaded the tavern as my friends began trickling in. It could be seen bubbling softly on the stove, giving off a smell of spices, beef, and chili veggies. Parmesan cheese and crackers rested on the counter in front of each chair.

After everyone got in, I asked who wanted some CHILI to stave off the cold of being in Coldridge Valley in Dun Morogh in January. Everyone cheerfully said yes, so I got bowls down for everyone. I took the lid off the pot of chili, stirring it a few times. The smell of a hearty chili wafted out in a huge rush, a mouth-watering blend of pungent spices, heavy amounts of ground beef, and a mouthwatering blend of chili veggies like onions, tomatoes, peppers, and big red kidney beans. I dished up a heavy bowl for everyone, myself included. Once filled, I set down the ladle and turned around toward my friends, getting everyone’s drink orders, which ranged from water to hard dwarven liquors. Then I had but one last thing to bring out: "Alright, I have thick-sliced, fresh-baked, buttered garlic bread as well! Who wanted some?" Another enthusiastic response from the group later, and I had a thick slice down for everyone!

After that, it was GAME ON! People were munching away at their chili (Grim was devouring his at a rather obscene speed) and garlic bread and drinking to their heart’s content, and now Deathrolls was a go!

Right off the bat, off the initiative rolls to see who rolls first, I rolled a sixty-nine. Oh gosh! That, according to our rules, means that you have to point at someone you’d do that with… oh my goodness! Good thing joke answers are acceptable, because Celeste wasn’t present! I hadn’t pointed out Nah in a while, so I said, “I haven’t given any of the funny attention to my bestie in a while,” and pointed to her, just for laughs! Nah snickered at that, saying that she’d give me all the “funny attention” I could handle. Ohmigosh! NAH! She just loves to make me blush!

The game kicked off with Maya getting to Truth me. I’d chosen Truth because I was still tending the chili and getting things for people, so I was busy. Maya asked me which I’d rather do, go outside in my birthday suit, or take a bath in a tub full of chili. I agreed with what Lora said; something about being covered head to toe in chili sounds viscerally displeasing, yet going outside with nothing on was an absolute no! So, chili bath it was for me, much to everyone’s amusement! That started Maya wondering if Xam would object to their being chili rings around their bathtub at home if she saw someone had taken a chili bath there, and Nah snickered and suggested that the void-loving void elf might actually like it, if they dyed it purple and said it was void! Maya was like, “Ooooh, I’m asking her that!” and got her dialed up on the comms! Gosh, the confusion on the other end I heard! Xam just had Maya randomly call her up and ask if it was okay to take a bath in chili if it were dyed purple and they said it was void! HA! Then Lora got me the next round, wanting me to dance on the counter in front of my bestie and sing about pouring chili on me! Everyone always likes to make me dance in Dares because I fall over! Gosh! So I tried to get up on the counter, and I couldn’t climb up there, so then I took a running leap and JUMPED… only to bellyflop hard onto the counter! Nah only JUST got her dishes out of the way in time! Blushing hard, I got to my feet, trying to dance but mostly trying not to fall over, which had people making jokes about how I must have gotten all Maya’s pet bugs into the cold weather gear I was wearing that night. Then I made up my song as I went along: “Pour some chili on me… pour some chili on me… everyone in here… pour some chili on me! Pour it on my head… pour it on my shoes… and when you’ve poured it in my pants… you’ll know you’ve paid your dues!” Everyone was laughing SO HARD at me! Meanwhile, as I was dancing, I had already punched myself in the right knee and in the left ear. The latter sent me off balance, and I staggered all the way down the length of the counter, falling off the end and right into Anna’s lap! Her chili went all over both of us, and the floor! Oh, NO! I quickly got some small towels and a bowl of warm water and cleaned her and the floor up, and then myself, blushing all the while. We were damp, Anna and I, but at least we were clean! Then I got to Dare Maya, so I got her to put a ghost pepper in her chili and eat it with a big spoonful of chili. Maya immediately hacked and coughed and rubbed her watering eyes and was like, “WHY?! WHY DO PEOPLE LIKE THIS?! IT IS ONLY PAIN! WHERE DID YOU GET THIS FROM, RAGNAROS’ *SS?!” Oh my goodness, oops! I got her lots of milk, refilling it until the burning tongue thing went away. Oh gosh! Then I got Nah with a Dare, so I Dared my bestie to ask Grim, who had gone to the restroom, to ask what Jazz meant when she told me she’d let Grim “grope for trout in a peculiar river” with her last week after the Deathrolls game. The answer, when it came… oh my gosh… I should have known better! GAH! Then Maya got a revenge Dare on me… and I ended up having to drink one of Nah’s pink potions, the one that makes you… antsy in a specific way for the next several hours… oh my GOODNESS the squirming I was doing the rest of the night… gosh! Then Maya got Anna to drink her wine without touching her glass. I topped off her wine (though not literally topped off; the proper amount to fill a wine glass if you wanna be fancy is to fill it just below half-full), and she put her hands down and grabbed the glass with her mouth. She tilted her head back and CHUGGED! Oh gosh, chugging wine, who does that?! Anna does, if Dared! And she was surprisingly good at it, too! Got every last drop without ever dropping the glass, and got it lowered safely back to the table again! So cool! Then Grim had to go to the restroom one more time, and I got to Dare Nah and Maya both, so I Dare them to, when Grim returns, to throw themselves at him and ask him to take them home with him… except the twist was, they couldn’t be direct! They had to use the funniest euphemisms for adult activities they could think of! So, when Grim got back, he was suddenly confused, as he found himself randomly accosted by Nah and Maya, who were asking him to do things like, make a hole in their welcome mat, whitewash the picket fence, do a bit of the foxtrot uniform charlie tango, churn the butter, fill the cream donut, pass the gravy, put the sour cream in the burrito, do two-person push-ups, explore the hidden valley, hoist the mast, hit the wet seas, and wick the candle. Oh. My. GOSH! Grim looked back and forth between the two of them, clearly amused, and then laughed and said that they were both drunk already. HA! Then Maya got Anna to impersonate her favorite animal, so Anna drew her feet up into her chair to sit in a rather feline manner and started meowing, then started pawing at (thankfully empty) dishes on the counter and sent them crashing to the floor. HA! She was impersonating a CAT! Then I rolled a sixty-nine again, so I decided to point at Nah again, who started cackling at having gotten picked twice in one night, but then I decided I’d better mix it up, so I pointed next to her at Maya, and Nah was like, “Wow, one’s your bestie, and one’s your bestie’s lover!” and Maya was like, “HA! Get ready for THAT one!” Oh my gosh! Then Lora got Maya to just TOUCH a ghost chili pepper, and Maya did, and her hand was all acidified. She seemed really uncomfortable! Then Maya got to Dare Lora, and got her revenge! She got Lora to pick a flower on one of her druidic charm bracelets, and the one she picked was full of itching powder of some kind! Then Lora, scratching like a madwoman, got to Dare Nah, who had to eat a ghost chili pepper, then turn and give Maya a kiss! Meanwhile Lora, who had gotten some anti-itching powder from Maya to be put into water as a remedy was behind the counter mixing that while scratching like crazy, then dumping the solution on herself. The scene was pure CHAOS! I was still squirming and squeaking from Nah’s potion from earlier, Lora was behind the counter with me scratching all over and dumping stuff on herself, Nah and Maya both seemed like they were on fire and making a lot of noise, Anna was slumped over on the counter, having consumed entirely too much wine, and Grim was off to one end of the counter near the wall, stuffing his face full of his third bowl of chili and fourth slice of garlic bread and chugging dwarven liquors! What a chaotic scene! HA! There were more Dares after that, though things started to wind down that late at night. I Dared Grim to eat a couple more bowls of chili, but with ghost peppers in them now. He was like, “This will not hurt my tongue or my stomach, but it will hurt my O-ring when I blow it out.” Ohmigosh EW Grimmie! Nah Dared Grim while I was in the restroom to go scoop me up in a big hug and whisper things into my ear. He instead started bear-hugging me and singing my name in silly rhymes and then started spinning me around and around, singing that I spin HIM right ‘round like a wheel, right ‘round, and then said I was the sweetest warlock that ever lived, so cute, so cute. Goodness gracious! Then they all started snickering at me, and that’s when I learned it was all a Bestie Dare! HA! Then he ended it all with one of his lesser-known moves… the WET WILLIE! EWWW! Then the game ended with the Million-Die Roll that we traditionally do as the final round, rolling out of one million instead of one hundred. Lora ended up getting to Dare Nah, and she Dared Nah to give one unsuspecting victim a Wet Willy each day for the next week, then tell us all about it when next we reconvene. Nah snickered, gladly accepting her Dare, and then we headed to bed. Gosh, what a hilarious night! I LOVE Deathrolls!

Then last night was the Whitewind Company’s weekly adventure! We’d been getting memos throughout the week from SI:7, who had agents on Draenor searching for the orcs that had taken the gauntlet there. One had found them in Frostfire Ridge, a whole detachment of red-skinned Mag’har orcs taking the gauntlet east. The memos ended up culminating in the emergence of the gauntlet from Frostfire Ridge eastward into Gorgrond, then losing sight of it as they turned north and went into the dense Gorgrond jungle there.

Meanwhile, another agent had sent us a memo saying that last week, during our mission in burned-out Teldrasil, we’d apparently had a thin man in a red Defias mask riding the top of the dang balloon, spying on us! Oh gosh! They followed the man after to see where he’d go, and he ended up in the Stormwind House of Nobles! That confirms my bestie Nah’s suspicions that the thug we met last year, that spied on us when we first researched this whole thing in the Stormwind Royal Library, was hired by a Stormwind noble wanting to beat us to the punch and get the armor for themselves! Looks like we really have a corrupt Stormwind noble on our hands that we’ll have to sort out eventually! SI:7 is continuing to monitor the situation, following the guy around and seeing if they can spot him actually reporting to a specific noble in particular. They’ll let us know when they do!

Then, last night, we got another memo saying that the detachment of orcs with the gauntlet had emerged from the jungle and were crossing the barren part of Gorgrond now, moving with all speed to Blackrock Foundry! If they got in there, we’d NEVER get that gauntlet back, and the effects the blood ritual would have to put that heart-stirring battle drive the gauntlet has into the entire Mag’har army, oh gosh! We’d have a far worse Iron Horde than we did during the Draenor campaign! Oh, NO! We had to stop them quickly!

I got the group together quickly. It was me, my bestie Nah, Grimmie, Maya, Lora, and, coming in a bit later in the evening, Anna! We caught up to the orcs just as they were nearing a train that goes into Blackrock Foundry. The memo said that the agent from SI:7 had overheard chatter in orcish about boarding the train to get to the Foundry faster! So, when we landed our flying mounts on the roof of a tower overlooking the entrance to the Grimrail Depot, we spotted the orcs all going in there in droves! We were too late; they’d reached the depot and were going in to the train! Oh, NO!

Two guards were left behind, posted at the gates, which shut behind them. It was just them and us! I quickly formulated a plan: Lora would snipe one out from atop our tower roof, and our sneaky types, Nah and Maya, would be in position when Lora fires to take out the other one, as it would likely yell an alarm as soon as his comrade fell. It worked! Lora’s shot was a bit low, blasting through the orc’s throat, leaving it gurgling and thrashing around on the ground. Oh gosh, how gross! Nah and Maya were all over the other orc the instant the first one dropped, and the next thing I knew, the orc was a bloody mess on the ground.

The rest of us swooped down. Grim ended up getting called away over the comms by other stuff, so he remained at the door to guard it while we went inside. But how to get the gates opened?

I spotted a Goblin Mechashredder 5000 nearby, so, familiar with shredders already after having worked with the MUTT for so long, I climbed aboard! I found flamethrowers and sawblade launchers inside. That made short work of the gates! We’d had to go loud, but we were IN!

We charged inside, finding an orc talking to a goblin not far in. They were next to a loading platform, and the train was still there, but the doors were all closed! It looked like they were gonna leave soon! Uh oh!

The goblin and orc never stood a chance. Maya charged into them in her bear form, I had Mek-barash the wrathguard and Kil’rek the imp attacking, Lora had taken cover behind a crate and was firing her rifle, and Nah was there with her blades, but nothing was left for her to do!

We rushed onto the platform next. No way onto the train! We rushed back down, continuing along the depot, finding another loading platform there. But, the doors were closed on these train cars, too! And, to make matters worse, we could hear the train’s engine, far ahead, rumbling to life!

I was peering about searchingly, quickly as I could, trying to find some way up onto the train. Lora pointed out a catwalk directly over head of the train, and then Maya pointed to a door with a ramp inside. We made for the door and started spiraling up the ramp. But then we met more orcs! There was an orc warrior with warhammers in his hands, stalking down the ramp at us, and a peon up at the very top of the spiraling ramp was throwing crates and toolboxes down at us to stop us! Everyone got hit by those crates and got hurt, Maya most of all. She was down on the ramp, not looking too good! Thanks to a Greater Soul Link spell, however, Mek-barash took my damage for me. That’s fine; he’s only a Legion minion! I sent him charging at the orc approaching us with those hammers, and he attacked, Kil’rek as well! Meanwhile, Lora was pointing her rifle directly upward, and she got the peon throwing stuff down at us in one single shot! Mek-barash and Kil’rek finished off the orc, and things quieted down again. But, everyone else was hurt, and Maya still looked bad!

I got on the comms then, getting in touch with one of the best healers I know: Annabelle Baker, of the Quicksilver Company! I used a Ritual of Summoning spell when she agreed to join us, and summoned her right onto the ramp! She quickly healed up Maya well enough to lift her back to her feet… or at least, back to her bear paws! We didn’t have time to heal everyone up; the train was getting ready to leave! We ran to the top of the ramp, emerging on the catwalk going over the train. Now we had a new dangerous thing to do… jump down like three stories and through a tiny square hatch on top of the plane! Gosh, that was REALLY SCARY!

We crashed through the hatch, finding ourselves in a cargo car. With no orcs to immediately jump up and fight, we found ourselves taking our time to get back to our feet. Anna helped with a few more heals, and then we started moving forward again.

The next train car ahead had ORCS in it! FOUR orcs! By this time, the train was rumbling along. It had left the station! We were about to fight in a MOVING TRAIN!

Lora, meanwhile, had found a munitions pile. Bombs, grenades, explosives in general, she was loading up! She had intended to toss a grenade into the squad of orcs, but Maya just… RAN IN! All alone ! None of us were expecting THAT! The orcs immediately ganged up on her, pummeling her with fists, boots, and weapons. She’d landed on one, mauling him, but the big bear was being beaten up, and Lora couldn’t toss a grenade in there with Maya there! So, she started firing her rifle instead when she could get a clear shot. Mek-barash, Kil’rek, and Nah went to work as well, and Nah’s shurikens joined the storm of heavy, double-bladed battleaxe and felfire bolts. Between all of us, the orcs fell, and Maya was freed, though hurt badly once again, though one orc had escaped the main scrum and was making a mad dash for it. He shoulder-rammed Lora, bowling her right over! Anna, now in attack mode, glared as the escaping orc try to hit her next. Angered, her lifelong hatred of orcs flared up, and she just straight SKEWERED him on her sword! The orc fell dead, and Anna turned to Lora. Anna healed her a little more, and off we went!

The next car was empty, and we moved right through it, but outside its far door, we saw why it was now empty… a pair of goblins were working hard to pull the pin connecting the cars! They were gonna disconnect our car and leave us behind!

Maya scared them stupid with a bear form roar, causing the goblins to cower and fear. Nah Shadowstepped behind them, slashing out with her sword. The goblins were knocked off either side of the little connecting bridge in between cars, their screams rapidly fading off into the distance.

But then we had a new problem… the pin, pulled partway out, was rattling around, coming more and more loose! I shouted out an alarm and pointed the pin out to the group, and we dashed across quickly! Good thing, too… the pin came loose in the next instant, just as the last of us got across, and the cart quickly lost momentum and fell further and further behind, until it was out of sight. Gosh! That was close!

We moved ahead, finding ourselves in an empty car again. Past that, we got into another car, this one with the way forward completely blocked by crates. But, just then, the danged WALLS FELL DOWN! On either side of the car, the walls just fell down and laid flat, a route for us to bypass the wall of crates. But, when we tried, we found ourselves in the slipstream of the rushing train, and had to duck back in again. Maya had the answer to this problem; a Stampeding Roar, a roar druids use to get everyone running hard and fast! That got us past the crate wall! Then we found out why the walls had come down… there were turrets here, three per side, facing outward! And, near the train…

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK!

ANOTHER train was there, on a track curving in toward us and then traveling parallel to us for a time! We could see all around us, this track was coming with us through a long Gorgrond canyon! The view distance closed from miles to meters as the twin trains entered the tunnels!

The bad thing was, there were orcs at the front of the other train watching the front of our train closely, as though they were being communicated with. They waved a pair of white flags in different ways as though it was a way to communicate back, then, getting another response, their eyes moved to our car. WE WERE SPOTTED!

No wonder our walls had come down! We were exposed! But, they didn’t count on us USING THEIR OWN TURRETS AGAINST THEM!

Lora, Nah, and Maya manned the turrets. I took cover, as did Anna, who was going to heal as the gunners fired. Lora opened up first, hitting the turret directly across from her with the flak cannon, showering it in molten lead that shredded and melted the turret as much as it did the opposing orc. Nah and Maya both missed with their first shots! Nah and Maya had their turrets hit with the returning salvo from the orcs, but were unhurt. Lora and Nah ganged up on Nah’s target, and Maya got a direct hit with her own turret that melted the orc and his turret, and blasted those standing beyond it as well! Lora and Nah’s target dropped as well, and the threat of turrets on our flank was stopped! Lora was blasting at the train itself next, which had the orcs driving it slow up and fall behind to get out of her line of fire. They’d done it! We were safe once more!

After that, we made our way forward, finding ourselves on an open, flatbed car with the gate to the engine room just beyond it. We were almost there! And yet…

Guarding the way past to the engine room were four orcs! One huge, ugly, enormous berserker orc stood with two normal warrior orcs flanking him. Behind them, back by the engine room gate, stood an orc with totems all around it. We were in for one heck of a fight now!

The orc berserker started stamping his feet and roaring in orcish. Maya had had enough of orcs posturing by now, and just charged right in! She slammed right into the berserker orc, who had planted his feet when she charged, which resulted in Maya driving him back and his feet breaking twin ruts into the plank floor as Maya kept pushing! He looked hurt after that big hit! Mek-barash and Kil’rek opened up on the orc warrior to our left, the berserker’s right, and Anna was there swinging her sword at him as well, and Nah had the one on the right. Lora was firing at the orc shaman in the back, but missed, not having a clear shot to shoot through our group without hitting him. The orcs fought back hard, and the battle got intense! Then the shaman in the back let loose with a CHAIN LIGHTNING SPELL! The spell was directed at Maya, and intended to jump to Nah, Anna, and Mek-barash from there, but it fizzled out when it struck Maya’s stony bear hide. The shaman cast it again, this time at Lora, and gosh, that one knocked Lora and I both over! At least the shock itself hurt Mek-barash and not me! Lora got back to her feet, finally getting an opportunity to throw a grenade. She arced it over our friends’ heads, and it bounced down the train, landing in between the shaman’s feet. The shaman panicked and ran, but the grenade blew, and BLASTED that shaman right off the flatbed car! That was the last we saw of HIM!

Without support from the shaman, the remaining three orcs eventually got overwhelmed. Tooth and claw, Light-blessed sword, rogue sword and dagger, Lora’s flintlock pistol blasting a hole in an orc’s head as Nah threw three shurikens at it that embedded themselves in a perfect triangle around the bullet hole in the orc’s head, a heavy battleaxe, and felfire bolts were just too much for the overmatched orcs. They’d gotten a few hits in, but nothing like what they took! The orcs fell over after a pitched battle, and the way to the engine room was CLEAR!

And just in time, too… Blackrock Foundry now loomed in the far distance! We had to stop this train, and quickly, before we ended up riding it right into an entire ARMY of the enemy!

Lora brought up a few more of her munitions, blasting the gate open! Nah and I got in and worked some levers, us being the engineers of the group. BESTIE POWER! Between the two of us, well, we didn’t figure out how to safely stop the train, but by golly, that was one heck of a TRAIN WRECK we caused!

It wasn’t long before the train begin to wiggle, then to wobble, then the whole thing came RIGHT OFF THE DANG TRACKS! Cars went flying, we went flying, crates went flying, everything was bouncing around like crazy! I’m just glad we had that thick steel engine car shell around us! We went bouncing like crazy, blasting through wreck debris on the tracks, until we finally came to a stop. What a RUSH!

We crawled out of the engine room car after that, probably looking worse than we felt, which wasn’t bad at all! We got up and looked around. The wreckage was EVERYwhere! Train cars were linked from the canyon floor all the way up to the top of the north ledge, threatening to fall down the cliff. We knew that, between the danger of train cars falling and the Mag’har orcs spilling out of Blackrock Foundry to come and investigate the crash, we’d better search for what we came here for and get out quickly!

We remained near the front, where that berserker orc and shaman had been, assuming them to be the leaders, which would mean they’d keep the gauntlet close to them. Turns out we were right! Mostly we were opening crates and barrels full of random supplies, but, suddenly, Lora started passionately screaming out Quel’dorei battle cries and using her rifle to bash one particular crate to pieces!

”Aaaah… yup!” smirked Nah, snickering at Lora. “Looks like we’ve found our enchanted gauntlet.”

Sure enough, once the crate was bashed to pieces by the screaming elf, we felt it too… the sudden urge to want to do battle, the heart-stirring drive to flock to a beloved banner and fight for a noble cause, to obliterate all in our path as we fight for truth, justice, and the Azerothian way!

Being used to it by now from previous adventures, Nah, Maya, and I were able to remain calm, outside of a few battle shouts, using sheer willpower to retain our senses. Lora, meanwhile, was feeling it for the first time, and had to shake her head a whole bunch and scream out that she would not be ruled by magic. Nah got the gauntlet out of the wrecked debris of the crate and put it in her bag of tricks, then came to me, as I had found an empty box to seal it up in. Nah used a fast sleight-of-hand to whip it from her bag into my box as soon as I had it open, and I had the lid shut like SO fast, before I even saw the beautiful gauntlet again, slamming it shut the moment I heard it hit the inside of the box. Sealed away, the effects wore off, and we breathed easy again.

From there, we found ourselves explaining to Lora more of the history of the thing. Princess Ariel Sunstrider, one of the most beautiful, heart-stirring elves to ever have lived, had had this armor gifted to her by her father. A soft, deep blue mithril plate suit of armor with intricate truesilver trimmings, she was truly a sight to see above the crowd of an army, sitting astride her warhorse with her head held high. It was, by all accounts, every bit as stirring an image as the enchantments placed millennia later to replicate the effect. Lora had apparently actually SEEN Princess Ariel in her mind’s eye as she laid waste to the crate. WOW! What a powerful enchantment! What amazing armor! I’m sure glad we stopped it from getting its powers transferred by blood ritual into an entire Mag’har orc army!

After that, it was mission accomplished! The train still hadn’t fallen in on us and no Mag’har had poured out on us from the Foundry, but both could change in an instant, so Nah and I promised Lora and Maya their share of the contract would be delivered as per usual, and we all headed home from there. That was one exhausting adventure! But at least we were down to our final lead on the armor… an unknown piece of the armor, in Hearthglen! That’ll be our next adventure, starting next week! So far, it’s just us going to make a trade for the unknown armor piece, whichever piece of the suit it is, but, as we learned in Feralas, any mere trade can result in something… more. Still, I can’t wait to see what it is, and what adventure we’ll find ourselves in next!

Between the adventure with Celeste to find the root cause of the sha of misfortune to get rid of it, to Chili Deathrolls in a warm tavern in cold weather, to the borderline panic of racing right through orcs to the front of a train to wreck it before the orcs can get entirely too powerful, I’ve had one heck of an exhausting week! Holy smokes! Still, I got to do all these things with my beloved family and friends, and we’re all alive to tell our stories, so that’s great! I can’t wait to see what we all get into next week! It’s sure to be a memorable time! YAY!

Nat squirmed with happiness in her seat as she tapped off the excess ink from her quill and replaced it in its case. She capped off her inkwell as well, and she took these and two coffee mugs upstairs. The inkwell and the quill case went into her office desk drawer, and the coffee mugs went to the kitchen for a refill. One black, one with just a dash of liquid hazelnut creamer. Nat took the mugs back downstairs.

Handing one off to Celeste, who was now seated on her workbench stool underneath an outstretched ARMUTT arm removing the giant gun, she got a smile and a quick kiss in return. They sipped at their coffee for a moment, Celeste pointing out a few things along the gun she was thinking of improving upon for greater accuracy. Nat had a few questions answered, and then she went back to her diary. The ink on the pages now dry, she took it upstairs to her office bookshelf. Hurrying back down, she went back to helping Celeste and learning more about engineering in general, and about the MUTT/ARMUTT in specific.

Once the ARMUTT was fully disarmed and returned to MUTT state, the two went out to do a bit of traveling. Wanting to fish elsewhere for once, they went through a portal to Boralus, wandering over to the Hops, Line, and Sinker Brewing tavern and sitting in the outdoor, open-air part of the bar, getting lots of tips on fishing and hearing lots of epic fish stories. Celeste gave out as many tips as both of them got, and traded real whoppers of fish stories with the best of them, over a lunch of fish sticks with lots of different dips, salad, and local brews made right there at the tavern. The Kul Tiran anglers oohed and aahed at Celeste’s every tip and story, writing down the tips they heard and gasping wide-eyed at Celeste’s stories. Shark fishing last summer, using the Flying Nosebleed as a seaplane to do it, fishing for shrimp a couple weeks ago with sharks all around, leaping over the boat, freshwater fishing while fighting off jaguars in the Krasarang Wilds, dodging weird robots on Mechagon Isle while fishing for mechanical fish amid the explosions of rockets, all Celeste’s (and Nat’s) favorite stories old and new were shared, to the general applause of the Kul Tirans listening. Dordy was there as well, of course, and, as the proprietor of the tavern agreed he wasn’t a normal dog that would shed hair all over the establishment, and, being a molten corgi, wouldn’t be carrying any sort of sickness or unsanitary thing with him, allowed him in the bar. Dordy gobbled up so many fish sticks, one would think he hadn’t ever had that huge breakfast that morning!

Once lunch and hanging out with Kul Tiran anglers was finally over late in the afternoon, the pair returned home. Bellies full twice over that day, and with their work on the MUTT complete, the two spent the rest of the day lounging around the living room, curled up together to read, with one break to play with Dordy outside, running off all that energy as he played with Celeste’s oldest wrench, his favorite toy, in a game of Keep-Away. The rest was reading and lounging, eventually a scented bath with bath bombs and soaps from Redridge Soap Company, and an early bedtime so Nat could be up in the morning from work.

It had been one heck of a week, and Nat was pretty worn out, but at least her job working out of an office was physically easy. Three days of that, and she’d be back to the adventuring and Deathrolling, and she couldn’t wait to see how it all would go!

[Natasha Ebonlocke]

February the Ninth

Nat awakened early, unable to get back to sleep, even though it was still dark. Figuring she’d just get up and prepare breakfast later when Celeste awakened, she headed down to her office in her sleepwear, Dordy on her heels, figuring on making a start on her diary. She let Dordy outside, then got some coffee going. While the coffee brewed, she entered her office, the room with the window overlooking Turtle Bay and Turtle Beach, with the sliding glass door to the right that would allow a view of the sunrise, half over Krasarang Wilds, and the other half over the sea, with the beach running right down the middle, heading toward the Jade Forest.

For now, that sky was dark, countless brilliantly shimmering stars visible in the sky. Everything was still, everything was quiet. The beach and the jungle were visible in the dark to someone that had grown up in a dark forest and had the night vision to see it. The darkness under the tree canopy differentiated from the star-reflecting waves gently lapping up on Turtle Beach, and the tiny glints of moving light on the sand denoted where the night’s crabs and turtles were moving around. The smell of the warm night air mixed with the usual earthy smells of the jungle, the mildly fishy smell of Anglers Wharf, and, just now, the smell of coffee drifting into the office.

Nat turned and answered the call of coffee, grabbing a mug with a picture of a red-haired man with a brilliant, fancy red moustache flashing a thumbs-up on the side. Giggling at the face of an old friend, she poured herself a full mug and splashed a little liquid hazelnut creamer in, then went to the window to check on Dordy.

The yard was dark as well, though it gave away Dordy’s position even when he himself was not visible, the orange glow given off by the molten corgi lighting up the yard for several feet around him. Nat giggled to see the orange glow zigzagging all over the yard as he went on his morning’s adventure, doing his business and chasing the night’s smells all over. Eventually, the Dordy call came as Dordy’s orange glow came to the door nearest her. Bat-bat-bat-bat-bat-bat-bat on the back door! Nat went to let him in, closing the door behind her and heading to her office and sitting down after taking her diary down from the bookshelf and laying it on her desk, opening it to the next blank page.

Settling in to her office chair, Nat reached for the desk drawer next to her right knee, opening it and bringing up her inkwell of purple ink and her cherrywood quill case. Opening both, she withdrew her ravenfeather quill, dipped it for ink, took another sip of coffee, and began to write as Dordy wiggled under her desk and curled up to snooze at her feet.

Dear diary,

Well, it’s been a much less action-packed week this week than it was last week! Nah had some life stuff she had to handle last night, and we needed her to go to Hearthglen for our final lead we have on the whereabouts of Princess Ariel’s armor since she is supposed to represent the Whitewind Company and I had one short game of Deathrolls, and Celeste and I went to go and see Fo Fook about that jade monkey statue that he apparently trapped a sha of misfortune in. That’s about it!

Tuesday came quickly this week, and that meant DEATHROLLS! It was me, Maya, Lora, and Anna, (Nah has really been inundated with life stuff this week) and we got to play in a really comfortable room Anna procured for us in the Lakeshire inn! There was a fireplace in the room, a table with chairs in the center, and a really awesome, MASSIVE bearskin rug! It was neat! We had the Redridge Mountains visible out one window, and the rest of Lakeshire, including a lot of Lake Everstill, visible out the front! It was a beautiful, scenic little spot to play Deathrolls!

The game started off silly right off the bat: first, everyone decided to dress up in fancy dresses for the Love Is In The Air festival, so we were all looking our best, and then, right off the first round, Maya got to Dare Lora and I both! She got some of the decorations down off the wall, the big heart decorations with the streamers coming down off the back of them, and gave one each to Lora and I and told us we had to wear them on our chests for the rest of the evening. It clashed with my dress, but whatever; it was super fun to wear it! Then I rolled another One in the very next round, so I went Truth this time, and Maya asked me what my favorite gift I’ve ever gotten was. I actually had it on hand to show! I reached up into my hair and pulled out my first-ever gift from Celeste, a truly heartwarming little piece: a one-inch by three-inch black hairpin wrought in the form of different-sized butterflies. The wings are inset with tiny amethysts to give them a really pretty purple color! Engraved on the back are the words, “Thanks for the butterflies… – Celeste.” Awww! It still melts me to think about the first annual Winter Veil Deathrolls game, where so much happened in my relationship with Celeste to advance it, and her giving me this as her gift! I showed it to the others. They liked it! Then Maya got Lora rhyming for two rounds on the next Dare, which Lora did with her usual flowery prose. It was good! Then Anna got Maya with a Dare, so she had Maya let me do her hair, which was dyed a honey lavender that matched her dress. I ended up going for a crown braid that ended with the braids forming a heart on the back of her head. Maya liked it so much, she immediately got on the comms to tell Nah and Xam about it! Then Maya got me with a Truth, asking me a hypothetical question like, if my best friend and my worst enemy wanted to take Celeste and I out on dates, which one would I choose to take which one of us out? I said I’d have my best friend take Celeste out, and my worst enemy take me out. I’d much rather have Celeste be safe! Besides which, my bestie Nah would do anything to protect someone that dear to me, even if she doesn’t really know her that well herself, and would certainly never actually try to make a move on someone I’m in a relationship with. But yeah, mainly, Celeste would be kept safe, and I am progressed enough in my own magics that my worst enemy wouldn’t really stand a chance anyway! Even if I were overcome, it’s me that falls, and Celeste lives! Then I got Lora and Anna both in a Dare, so I had them act out a skit for us while I was still doing Maya’s hair. Anna was the proprietor of a cheese shop, and Lora was a goblin trying to swindle Anna into prices that would practically be Anna giving away the cheese for nothing. The pair of them descended into so many cheese puns that we couldn’t stop laughing! Stuff like, hey, that’s a gouda deal, though! And like, Lora talking like a goblin and being like, hey, I’m no munster here! And Anna being like, today must brie a good day for business! And so very many more! Eventually, Anna shrewdly got a decent trade for her cheese, which left the goblin unhappy with her deal. HA! That one was good! I finished up Maya’s crown/heart braid by this point, and got a couple of mirrors to hold front and back of her head so she could see it, and that’s when she got all happy and called Xam and Nah to tell them about it. I’m glad she liked it and that it made her happy! Then I got Lora with a Whisper Dare, to be enacted in three rounds, when everyone least expects it, without warning, and without context. Lora winced at the proposed Dare, but agreed. Then, after a trio of rounds of Truths around the table, Lora got up and went over to Anna, kneeling at her feet and looking up at her. Anna looked surprised and confused, and even more so when Lora started SINGING to her! She sang Anna a love song… about her NOSE! HA! She was singing about how she wishes she could be the perfect odor for Anna’s beautiful nose to inhale and stuff! It was so funny! Anna and Maya were so confused! Anna covered her nose with her hand and was like, “Go back to your seat, little cheese goblin!” But then they remembered that I’d Whisper Dared Lora earlier. HA! Anna got her revenge a few rounds later, after a few rather personal Truths were done that I probably better not repeat here. Anna Dared Maya to tell me everything she thinks is pretty about me. She said it was my turn to blush and be self-conscious! Oh, NO! And blush I did, sinking lower and lower the more Maya went on, shamelessly telling me about my hair, my eyes, my skin, going lower and lower until she started shamelessly going on about things I had to cross my arms to cover up. Oh my GOSH, Maya! Then she started going on about what’s beautiful on the inside, about me being a great friend and stuff, leaving me sunken down so low in my seat and blushing so hard that I ended up shaped like a shrimp, curled up in the fetal position and sunk down lower than where I’d drawn my knees up into my chest to hide. Goodness gracious, I was SO red in the face! Then, to make matters worse, I rolled to start off the next round and ended up rolling a One out of one hundred, immediately starting off the rolls! Rolling a one to start a round means you have to do a Truth or Dare that round, AND you have to join in on the next round’s Truth or Dare! I was SO doomed! Anna ended up rolling a One that round too, and Lora got to Dare us, so Lora got her revenge too, for me having her sing a love song to Anna’s nose. Oh gosh! We had to stand up and sing to each other the things we hate about each other, then the things we love about each other! Neither of us wanted to be mean, so we both ended up with the same idea: give a compliment, but pose it in the form of jealousy, thus meeting the negative criteria, and then doing just compliments after, and the whole song was complimenting the other on being so pretty, having such great lives, being so impressive at one thing or another. It was actually pretty nice! Then there was the next round, where my penalty for rolling a one out of one hundred had me still due to join in the next Truth or Dare. Lora rolled the next One, and I won the Truth or Dares rolls, so I had to Dare Lora… and whatever it was, I had to join in! So I figured I’d let myself off easy – we were to go to the bookshelf, pick a book without reading the title on the spine, open it up to a random spot in the book, and read a passage aloud. What’s the worst that could happen? …Apparently, the worst that could happen is that BOTH books were STEAMY ROMANCE NOVELS! Lora shamelessly read aloud from Of Elven Bondage, and I had to read aloud from Stormy Seas. Oh my GOSH, the SMUT in those books! I was blushing so hard, barely able to read because I was stuttering so much and my hands were shaking so hard I could barely read the book! Goodness GRACIOUS! Of course they all had a great big laugh at my expense! Then Anna was joking about Lora’s book being about Nah, because of Nah’s tendencies to be so lewd in her jokes and pranks. She was like, “Why do we have a book about Nah in Redridge? She’s stolen my panties and I’ve seen her upper half, and I don’t even know her surname!” HA! Goodness gracious, that was so much more blushing for me, yet she has Nah’s personality down to a T! The game ended on that note, with people getting sleepy and heading out. We had fun though! I LOVE Deathrolls!

Then yesterday morning Celeste and I went to go and visit Fo Fook on his sandbar near Anglers Wharf. We needed to learn what we could from him about the sha of misfortune he’d bound to that jade monkey statue, so we got in the Wave Dancer and went out his way.

Fo Fook told his story at Celeste’s prodding. She can be very… persuasive, when she wants to be! However, by the time Fo Fook finished talking, Celeste was clearly NOT amused!

“So let me get this straight, Fo Fook.” Celeste said, hands on her hips and looking down at the hozen Angler from underneath the brim of her fishing hat.

“You wanted to become an Angler, but couldn’t figure out how fishing works. You broke several rods (crudely made), and finally, when you managed to get a handle on things, you lost your lucky lure to…” She lowered her voice and imitated the hozen “A dooking dook-orker…” She continued in her normal voice: “…somewhere in Turtle Bay. After that, you were convinced that it was all because you were cursed with bad luck. You were so convinced that a sha of misfortune manifested. A sha which you bound to an idol you made then promptly locked away and forgot about in the river. That about right?”

Fo Fook nodded eagerly, clearly proud of his problem solving abilities.

“Except WE’RE stuck with that sha now!” Celeste replied, exasperated and gesturing to herself, Dordy, and I. The hozen angler merely shrugged, smiled wide and gestured to his latest catch strung up on a pole next to him.

Celeste gestured for me to follow her back to the Dancer, picking up Dordy on the way. “We’ve got to convince him that he’s a good Angler, but he’s already buying into the idea that with the sha gone, his luck changed…”

"Oh gosh," I said. "That's a toughie... Erm..."

I stepped back into the Wave Dancer, taking my seat with and thinking hard as Dordy immediately began darting around the boat's floor, looking through the glass for something to bark at (which didn't take long at all!).

"I suppose he HAS started from scratch and immediately gotten good at it, hasn't he? What if we point that out to him, how he went from nothing to being one of the Anglers, without any formal training or teaching? Then he'd see that it's his own skill and resourcefulness that got him this far, and that there was no bad or good luck involved, and his problems were him simply learning on his own!"

That’s one idea that has merit, but we’re still trying to figure out what we feel like will be a sure-fire approach before we talk to Fo Fook again. Hopefully we can come up with one that will have Fo Fook’s own self-confidence dispel the sha of misfortune once and for all!

In the meantime, Celeste and I have a shopping day planned today in Booty Bay! We’re hoping that, with the winter due to wane soon, we can find some great beach stuff from all the vendors there! Dordy’s gonna come too; he loves Booty Bay, and the citizens there all love him! I can’t wait to go!

Heck, I can hear Celeste stirring now, and the sun is already coming up this fine misty morning. I’m gonna go and start on breakfast now, and then we’ll get ourselves to Booty Bay! YAY!

Nat wiggled with excitement in her seat at that thought, tapping off the ink from her quill into her inkwell and replacing it in her quill case, closing that and capping off her inkwell before returning the items to her desk drawer. She sat back with her coffee for a moment, listening to Celeste’s happy humming upstairs as she got herself ready to go. Returning eventually to her diary, she closed it, the ink on the pages now dry. The diary went back to its home on the bookshelf, and Nat got up to go prepare breakfast. She blew out the lamp on her desk, and Dordy awakened and followed Nat to the kitchen excitedly, knowing food would be done soon. Nat knew he’d be underfoot the entire time if she tried to cook with him here, so she let him outside once more. Dordy immediately went back to his adventures outside, the yard coming alive with friends and adventures for the brave little molten corgi.

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Sniffsniffsniff… the misty morning is so alive with smells! THERE! BOUNCY CHIRPY THING! CHASE IT! YIP-YIP-YIP! HA! FOUND YOU! Wanna play– OH! Smells?! SMEEEELLLLLS! CHASE! CHASE IT!

Dordy gave chase to the cricket, a hunt derailed by the distraction of the slimy trail of a slug. Quickly finding the slug, Dordy bounced around it in circles excitedly, quickly losing interest when the slug just lay there like a… well, like a slug. Immediately distracted by a bird swooping in to pick off another bug, Dordy took off after it next.

GREAT BIG FLAPPY THING! TERRITORIAL INVASION! DORDY IS KING HERE! BEGONE! It left… HA! MY territory! Dordy is– OH! SMELLS! FOOOOOOOD! Get to door! GET TO DOOR! BEAT IT DOWN! BATBATBATBATBATBATBAT– she opened the door! SHE OPENED THE DOOOOOOR! Is it bacon?! IIIIIIIIIIIIT’S BACOOOOOONNNNNNNN!

Omnomnomnomnomscarfsnarfarfarfsnarfnomnom! Lick the bowl! LICK THE BOWL! YYYYYES! SAUSAGE GRAVY! SCORE! Is there more?! SHE has more! Light-haired packmate! LOVE light-haired packmate! Loooove her breakfast… YYYYES! TIDBITS! SCORE! Dark-haired packmate?! LOVE dark-haired packmate! Tidbits?! YYYYYES! SNIBBLIES! SO TASTY!

Dordy enjoyed his breakfast with his pack, delighted to find himself with a second bowl of bacon, eggs, and biscuits with sausage gravy. Only when his sprinting in circles gave way to slow waddles did he ease up the pace of his feasting.

So… full… belly… snooze? Yeah, snooze…

Dordy woke up sometime later. The food had been put away and the dishes washed. His water bowl was full of fresh water, and he drank his fill, noisily lapping up water before following the sounds of things being put into other things downstairs, spotting Celeste holding his aviator goggles she always put on him when it was time to fly. He was very excited now!

OH! They’re putting the things in the stuff! Does this mean adventure? It does if eyeball covers go on Dordy! Will it go on Dordy?! WILL IT?! YYYYYYES! Light-haired packmate has eyeball covers! ADVENTURE TIIIIIIIIME!

Up, UP, UUUP! Into the flying noisemaker thing! Strap in, STRAP IN! YYYYES! Door opening! Into the air, like great flapping feathery thing! I CAN SEE MY HOUSE FROM HEEEEEEEEERE!

Where will we go?! Beach? Nope! Passing beach! Wait, this is more beach! Oh! Glowing magic thing! Always fun adventure on the other side of glowing magic thing! Let’s go through it! YYYYES!

…New smells?! SMEEEEELLLLLLLLLS! Ew, smells like stuff drank by two-legged thing to become dizzy… also smells like… FOOD! Tiny short worm-tailed things… short big green two-legged things… jungle, but different than home jungle… BIG WHITE FLAPPY THINGS! THOSE STEAL FOOD! DORDY’S FOOD! BEGONE! YIP-YIP-YIP-YIP-YIP-YIP-YIP!

Dordy tore off after the seagulls and scattered them off the boardwalk, the molten corgi alarming visitors to Booty Bay that had never seen such a thing, yet amusing those that lived locally and had seen Dordy at least a few times by now. He amused himself by chasing rats and seagulls alike, in between getting morsels of food of all kinds from those who knew him by sight, getting pets and pats from those who knew him well enough to know that such touch would not burn them.

Dordy, feaster of untended noms, beloved pet, heartwarming bundle of bouncy joy, and general all-around good boy caroused around Booty Bay, instantly winning the hearts of those traveling the boardwalks.

Nat, hand-in-hand with Celeste as they kept a sharp eye on Dordy while doing a bit of shopping, wondered at the nature of dogs. How is it they can fill our hearts so full of joy? What is this animal that, in a way no other creature of this world can possibly come close to, can seemingly do no wrong, hold our hearts in thrall, enrapture us with their love, follow our every little move with such adoration, and bring such joy into our lives? Nat watched Dordy instantly melt the cold, gold-plated heart of a goblin simply by accepting a treat and then wagging his tail as he licked at the goblin’s face. How are these creatures capable of this unimaginable, unfailing level of affection? How do we deserve this level of affection and adoration?

Celeste and Nat, distracted slightly from their perusal of sunglasses at a boardwalk stand, found themselves watching and giggling as Dordy ran around in circles, doing more jumping and bouncing than running. Realizing he was chasing some airborne insect, they watched him for a moment longer. Indeed, the pup had most of Booty Bay watching and laughing or grinning, the pup’s antics providing entertainment for all without Dordy even realizing it. Eventually wearing out, Dordy gave up the chase, sitting down and panting with his tongue lolling out, a big, goofy dog grin on his face as he looked down the boardwalk at his nearby owners. Nat loved that big, goofy dog grin, and it had always made her happy to see Dordy happy enough to be grinning it, which was frequent.

Nat continued to wonder at Dordy. How is it dogs bring us such indescribable levels of joy? Nothing in this world is quite like this phenomenon. Even merely being in a dog’s presence, laying on the couch, reading a book, the dog lying with you at your feet snoozing, is a source of joy. How is it dogs reduce stress as much as they do? Tension is broken merely by having their adoring faces looking up at you, or at the petting of their fur, and the excitement and joy they express at your touch. How is it possible such beings can exist?

Thinking back to before Dordy, Nat could even recall the differences in sleep. Sleeping with Dordy at the foot of the bed made a clear difference between now and before Dordy slept there. Amazing!

And the loyalty, Nat thought as Dordy, resisting the temptations of more treats, ran instead to Celeste when she called him, who wished merely to scoop him up to hold him. Nothing is as loyal as a dog, Nat knew. A famous (although cynical and snide at times) author once wrote, “If you take in a starving dog and make him prosper, he will not bite you. This is the principle difference between a dog and a man.” Cynical and snide though the second half of the comment may be, Nat knew the first half was as true as could be. Dordy would stick with them, be their packmate, no matter what happened, in a way no other creature was capable of. The love and adoration on his face every time he looked at them spoke such plainly.

Nat’s heart melted like the goblin’s had earlier when she watched Dordy settle into Celeste and lay his head on her shoulder. This adoring, adorable creature was capable of unfailing, unconditional love, no matter what. What other creature that goes on two legs, or four, or swims, or flies, can replicate that unconditional, unfailing love as well as a dog?

And dogs understand, Nat knew. When times are down, dogs are capable of reading human cues… facial expressions, body language, perhaps something smelled or heard or seen that is even more subtle. They know, they understand, and they are there for us more than any other creature could be capable of being there for us. We are their whole world, and they show it in good times and bad. They are good boys, good girls, there to play with the times are good, and sticking with us even when times are bad, with a lick and a cuddle and a shoulder to cry on.

Nat giggled as Dordy came alive again, wiggling and squirming. Nat knew why – a vendor was coming around with a cart of deep-sea fish steaks! It being time for lunch now, Celeste and Nat helped themselves… and so did Dordy!

Oh, light-haired packmate, how I love thee… cuddles and hugs for you! I could lay here forever… or at least until I smell something interesting! Food?! FOOOOOOOOOD! GET THE FOOD! GET THE FOOD! GET IT! SQUIRMWIGGLEGETFREE! YYYES! HERE COMES THE FOOD! CHASE IT DOWN! YIP-YIP-YIP-YIP-YIP-YIP-YIP!

FISH! LIKE WHEN FLOATY THING WITH SWIMMY THINGS VISIBLE THROUGH BOTTOM GOES TO DEEP WATER PLACE! This is the BIG fish kind! Get a bite! GET A BITE! WE GOT A BITE! WOO! YYYYYES! FIIIIIIIIISH! OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMSCARFNOMSNARFARFARFBELCHSNARFSCARFARFNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM!

Ooooh… belly… full… waddle along now, waddle along… yes, hi, hey two-legged thing, thanks for pets and pats. Food? Well, alright. Just a nibble. Belch. Ooooh, my belly… Dordy not chase even a– A TINY FURRY WORMTAIL THING! GET IT! GET IT! PLAAAAAAAAAAAY, THING! Oof, belly too full… Tiny furry wormtail thing too fast for full belly… White flappy feathery thing? Well, alright, hi, flappy thing. Sniff? Yeah, sniff– …oh, bye then.

Scooped up?! OH! Eyeball cover things! Time to go up really high! Through round magic travel thing… and home! Dordy’s bed! DORDY’S BED! WITH PACKMATES?! PACKMATES NAP TOO?! YYYYES! SNOOZIN’ TIME! Get comfy… yeah…

Love… packmates… love… them… full belly, must… snooooooze… zzzzzzzzz…

After a full day of adventure with her little family, Nat’s observance of Dordy really drove home one point in her mind:

With their undying devotion, unwavering loyalty, endless entertainment value, steadfast, unconditional love, and so, so many more precious, priceless traits, a dog can never be replicated or outdone by anything else, nor is anything quite so precious in quite the same way, nor is anything quite as valuable in the same manner, therefore…

Nothing is as perfect as a dog.

(( In loving memory of beloved Sally, a good girl. 2/24/15 to 2/5/23. May she frolic with boundless joy in Heaven forever. ))

[Natasha Ebonlocke]

February the Sixteenth

The workshop in the first sub-level of the House-On-The-Spire bustled with activity. Warm clothes, general cold-weather gear, and the tent (the latter a contingency, no one really expecting to have to use it) were gathered and packed. The workshop floor was now littered with fishing rod pieces, spools of fishing line, bait, bobbers, and other fishing paraphernalia spread out on the floor, with Celeste seated in the middle of it all, cleaning each piece carefully, performing careful maintenance on everything. Dordy was curled up into a ball jammed into Celeste’s right hip, snoozing happily; he knew messes like this usually meant adventure in the near future!

Nat, meanwhile, had gathered foodstuffs, packing trail food and drink into backpacks for her and Celeste. First aid kits (and potions brewed by Celeste using Celeste’s mother’s old notebooks), survival knives, flint and tinder (as if they’d be needed, with Celeste’s fire magic handy), and other day-hiking gear were packed as well. All contingencies planned for, Nat was now seated as well, just to Celeste’s right, also in the floor, which meant Dordy was wedged in between the two, wanting to snooze next to them both, always the loving little fiery furball. Her diary was in her lap, her inkwell of purple ink and her cherrywood quill case open before her. Nat watched Celeste clean the little box of dragonbone fishhooks she’d gotten for Celeste as one of her Winter Veil gifts, smiling as she watched how much tender loving care Celeste gave them.

Eventually, Nat was ready to turn to her own task at hand. Smiling happily at her happy little family, she dipped her ravenfeather quill tip for some ink, tapped off the excess, and began to write.

Dear diary,

Well, it’s been another seriously quiet week. We had Deathrolls this week, and a huge announcement from Maya, but last night’s adventure fell through when all but my bestie Nah gathered outside Hearthglen for the pursuit of the final piece of the armor that we have a lead on. We were going to wait on her, but it didn’t look like she was going to come, and we were starting to hear gnolls surrounding our landing site in massive numbers, so we called it and flew off before the gnolls could attack.

First up came Maya’s announcement. It seems that she, Xamaran, and my bestie Nah are in serious talks about getting MARRIED! It’s remarkable to me that THREE people can do that, but I am not worried about that… this is HUGE NEWS! Plus, all the years I’ve known my bestie, she’s always thought of herself as ugly and undesirable, inside and out, and I’ve tried countless times to show her how lovely she really is, inside and out. Well, now there is concrete PROOF! Not just one, but TWO people want to marry her! HA! But yeah, what matters most is that my bestie, my dear friend Maya, and Xam (another cool friend, though I’ve only met her before at a handful of Deathrolls games) are all HAPPY! WOO!

Anyway, the announcement came by way of Maya asking to meet with me and taking me out to a picnic site at the butterfly reserve in Thaldraszus. She seemed REALLY nervous, fidgeting and seeming awkward, which was most unusual for Maya, who’s usually all sunshine, smiles, and confidence. Well, as it turns out, it was because the whole marriage thing with Nah came to a point where Nah was talking about wanting to be traditional, which also included getting the approval and blessings of a family member. With Nah’s biological parents deceased and no other living family, Maya considered ME her closest family, so she wanted ME to give blessing and approval on it! AWWW! Well, I think it’s all incredibly fast; I mean, they’ve only been dating like a couple of months, but then again, Maya is a dear friend that I trust, and she’s known Nah a couple of years herself, so there is still enough of a foundation there. Plus, Nah’s been so happy since the relationship started, so who am I to stand in the way of that? I gave my blessings and approval on it, and that made Maya so happy! We had to go after that, but gosh, I am curious to see how this whole thing plays out. I hope they all bring each other endless amounts of happiness, like Celeste does for me!

Then Tuesday was DEATHROLLS! It was me, my bestie Nah, my good buddy Grimmie, Maya and Lora of the Voyagers, and Anna of the Quicksilver Company! We got to play in Bizmo’s Brawlpub underneath the Deeprun Tram, and this time, we played at one of the VIP booths instead of one of the huge, spacious tables we usually play at! The game started off with my bestie Nah getting to Dare me right off the bat. Oh gosh! It wasn’t as bad as I thought, however; she just had the idea in mind that, in the spirit of the Love Is In The Air festival, she’d bring along a number of perfumes she made herself. I had to pick one at random and spray myself with it! I was instantly suspicious, given how her potions usually have some sort of bad effect when drank at Deathrolls games, but I was Dared, so… I did it! The one I was given was an orange bottle that looked like an orange, and smelled like citrus fruits as well, and was really warm to the touch. It was not an unpleasant smell, really. I liked it! Not such a bad Dare after all! Though I did think it was a bit warm in that Brawlpub at the time. Then Maya got Grim and I both in a Dare, so she Dared Grim and I to do a skit for them. We had to pretend like Grim wanted me to attend the Love Festival with him, but I’d already been asked out by “everyone from here to Redridge.” It was getting noticeably warmer in the Brawlpub by this point, but I thought it was this Dare! So, Grim came over and started being all smooth, and I hit him with some of the turn-down lines I’d heard over the years. At first I was just like, “What?! No! I have been asked out by everyone from here to Redridge! That means I can take my pick, and I’m holding out for the KING!” Grim offered me unlimited access to his gold bank if I went out with him, and I told him if I held out for the king and became queen, I’d have unlimited access to the ROYAL bank! HA! It kept on going from there, with Grim really turning on the charm, waggling his eyebrows, and just generally schmoozing me up, and me saying stuff like, “Oh, fine, then. Let me give you my comms number. It’s one-eight-hundred-NO-NO-NO-NO-NO-NO-NO,” and, “My life is too complicated right now, so I can’t have you spending the night with me, or you’ll hear all the phone calls from all the other guys I’m seeing,” and then a bit with me pretending not to speak Common, then, “I’m writing my Women’s Studies thesis on the patriarchal system behind courtship rituals, so dating isn’t something I ethically support right now,” and finally, after all the eyebrow waggling, offers of gold bank access, sweets like cookies and cake, and him hamming it up, I finally said, “You know what, Grimmie? I find your desperation oddly endearing. Alright, I’ll go with you.” Well, then the whole entire table erupted in cheers for Grimmie! HA! Then Anna got my bestie Nah and I both, and Dared us to switch outfits for the night! We went to the changing rooms, and I was wearing my black and lavender robe that I’m wearing in one painting of me at my Tarot card reading booth at the Stormwind Harbor, and Nah was wearing her usual flashy suit. The problem was, my full-length dress was like a baggy jumpsuit with a skirt for Nah, while Nah’s pants only barely stretched around my big thunder thighs and rear end, and would not button up in the front, and her jacket was so tight, I couldn’t close the front, so I had to wear a shirt under it, and my arms couldn’t reach forward easily, because the jacket was so tight. Also, the arms and legs of Nah’s suit hung off the ends of my hands and feet by like a good foot and a half! Oh gosh, I looked ridiculous! Yet somehow Nah, who is always looks just SMASHING in anything, made my dress look good! Such is the way of the world! The Brawlpub was getting even warmer by this point. I felt my forehead moistening up a bit, which was gross, especially wearing someone else’s clothes and doing that in them! Then Maya got to Dare Grim and Nah, and she Dared them to pick a person and emulate them for three rounds. Grim picked me, Nah picked Maya, so Grim was nonstop pretending to blush and saying “gosh” a lot, generally just acting as awkward as possible. It made be blush and say “gosh” a lot, and generally act as awkward as possible! My bestie Nah was smiling endlessly and talking about how happy insects made her. Gross! HA! Grim, blushing and goshing, next got to Dare Maya, who he had giving Anna her best pick-up line. Maya was like, “I’m sure glad I have my library card, Anna, because I am totally checking you out!” HA! Gosh! Anna smiled and said that that was a cute one! Then Lora got to Dare Maya, and she had Maya singing a “raunchy shanty” to Grim. Oh gosh, it was about a erm… scarlet woman, so to speak… who visited a man nine times a night, because he was known for being able to do that that many times… I was sinking down into my seat and blushing a lot, while Grimmie, still on his Dare to emulate me, was goshing and ohmigoshing and pretending to blush like crazy. Goodness gracious, that song was so raunchy! Then I got Lora with a Dare, so I had her go to across the Brawlpub to the bar and find out why the cookies and cake we’d called for earlier weren’t here yet, Lora style, and, if we heard her demanding to know why from clear over at our booth, then so much the better. Oh GOSH, I shouldn’t have Dared her to do that! She really, actually went over there and did that! The profanity, the insults, the awful things she said! I felt so BAD! But heck, we got free cookies, cake, and milk at the end of it, so there’s that I guess… I went over and tipped heavily after the game, letting them know it was a prank that went wrong and to please allow us to come back, and that I’d tip heavily from then on, every visit. Oh gosh! The Brawlpub was getting a good bit warmer by the time the cookies, milk, and cake were dished out. Then Maya made the warmth even worse by Daring Lora to be my scarf for a couple of rounds. That was awkward, especially when Lora started commenting on the wet around my roots! Then Anna Dared Grim to toss cookies at the next brawl to take place in the Brawlpub. He and I both, at the same time, asked whether she meant toss cookies as in throw up, or literally toss cookies at the brawlers. HA! Great minds think alike! That was the second time that night we’d said the same thing at the same time, though I don’t remember the other time, but it was earlier that night! Gosh, now I wanna rack my brain and figure out what it was… anyway… Grim got a few cookies and went over to the Brawlpub, where this ogre named Mudwap was roaring in fury, about to begin his fight. Grimmie beaned him right in the noggin with his cookies! Oh my goodness! Then the Brawlpub announcer started yelling at him to stop. HA! Then I got to Dare Nah, so I got her to get herself with one of her perfumes, just like she’d done for me on the opening Dare! She got this blue one that was shaped like a blueberry that she said felt cold to the touch. She sprayed it onto herself, and the blueberry was actually a really pleasant fragrance! It worked great for her! She seemed to fight off a shiver, which was odd, because it was getting REALLY warm in that pub by this point in time! Then came a series of lap-sitting Dares by different people, at the end of which Grimmie ended up dozing off on Nah’s lap, his head rested on her shoulder. I got to Dare Nah and Lora at once, so I Dared them to baby-talk Grimmie when he woke up while feeding him cookies, force-feeding them if they had to. Grim was sure surprised when he came back! Waking up from his short doze, he found his cheeks pinched, cookies being stuffed into his face, and Nah and Lora all crowded around him cooing at him and baby-talking him. Oh my GOSH, was he confused! He tried to speak, but ended up just getting more cookies stuffed into his mouth when he opened it! HA! Finally, he got a word in, and he was like, “Grimmiekins (as they were calling him) could get used to this. However, Grimmiekins is not wearing no diapy.” HA! He thought they were gonna put a diaper on him! Grimmie then got to Truth me, so he asked me how I felt in that moment. Gosh, I felt… HAPPY! I got to see so many of my friends that day! So many funny things happened! I had cookies and cake and milk! I got a massage in one of the earlier Dares, gave a massage, got my hair braided by my bestie, and got to play DEATHROLLS! So yeah, I felt very happy! WOO! Then the night ended with Grimmie Daring Bestie to sing us all a lullaby while standing on the table. It was sweet! Then Nah lamented not being able to Dare me the chief Dare she had in mind for the Love Festival, as the dice simply never fell that way, so I said go ahead and Dare me now, and it’ll be a BONUS DARE! So she Dared me to trade my Bestie clothes for a toga, sash, wings, halo, and tiny bow and arrow, and cosplay Peddlefeet, the winged little goblin angel of lore that shoots people with his love bow and arrow to cause them to fall in love! HA! I had everyone paired off while pretending to shoot them, even though it was down to just Grim, Nah, and I, with Lora heading off just as Nah was describing the Dare to me, and Anna and Maya having already gone to bed at this point in time, and now, we all were going to bed as well. So, since the only one to see Nah’s Dare she most wanted me to do tonight was Grim, I told Nah I’d bring this outfit and bow and arrow to the next game, cosplaying it during the game while everyone was there! This oughta be fun and funny! HA! I LOVE Deathrolls! WOO!

It was too bad we couldn’t get to the Whitewind Company adventure last night, and I’m thinking about just starting it with whomever is there anyway next week, since we have gotten excited about upcoming adventures twice now, only to have it fall through due to lack of people, so we might just go regardless next week. As it is, it’ll already be three weeks straight without adventuring by the time the next Wednesday night rolls around for us, so yeah, definitely don’t want to make it four weeks! We’ll see how it goes!

For now, though, it’s time for some quality family time! Celeste and I have decided to take Dordy out on a hike through the Grizzly Hills in Northrend, and we’ll do just a bit of fishing for lunch while were there and stop to build a fire, then we’ll come home after a day of frolicking in the chilly, beautiful northern mountain forests with that crisp, clean, borderline frosty air to enjoy. It should be a lot of fun!

I hope the workend goes by as fast this week as it did last week, because I really want to get the Hearthglen adventure started, and to play some more Deathrolls, and to see what else the week has in store for us! We’re about due for a fun, eventful week again, so I can’t wait to see what happens! WOO!

Nat tapped off the excess ink from her quill into her inkwell, smiling at the happy thoughts of anticipation, the day’s hike and the next week’s adventures filling her head and her heart with excitement. She replaced her quill in its case and capped her inkwell, taking these upstairs to replace in her office desk drawer. Returning to the workshop downstairs, she found Celeste squatting down to Dordy on the floor, who was reared up with his paws on each of Celeste’s shoulders, yip-yipping and barking excitedly as she got him all wound up, speaking to him excitedly herself, talking about hiking and fishing and exploring and adventuring. Nat laughed happily to see the pair winding each other up, then went to her diary, closing it now that the ink on the pages was dry. She took her diary upstairs to put back on its shelf next to her office desk, returning downstairs once again, this time with a couple of thermoses of coffee (black for Celeste, hazelnut liquid creamer and no sugar in her own).

From there, the packing for the hike was completed. Fishing rods, tackle boxes, food, and water went into the Flying Nosebleed, and Dordy yip-yipped and ran around in circles once his aviator goggles went on, always a sure indication to him that he was about to get to fly off somewhere and go adventuring. Opening up the hangar door, Celeste scooped up Dordy and Blinked with him into the cockpit of the Flying Nosebleed, going through her pre-flight checklist while Nat waved Onyx in, who was fly idly outside. Onyx landed gracefully in the workshop/hangar, and Nat mounted up. She flew out with Celeste, holding position off her right wink as Celeste worked up a portal to Dalaran in Northrend. A chilly flight to the east later, they landed at Amberpine Lodge.

The Flying Nosebleed was left under guard with a few Alliance soldiers, and Onyx took to the skies to ride the thermals, keeping a watchful eye over Nat as he’d done all his life, and now over Celeste and Dordy as well. The hike was fun, scenic, and quiet (outside of Dordy’s occasional excitement as he found critters to chase and play with), and the day was spent in peace and relaxation. A sizable pair of trouts were caught around lunchtime, grilled and seasoned to perfection with plenty for the family of three to eat. The day ended with a hike reaching a cliff from which the Aurora Borealis was visible as the stars began to come out in the very early evening, casting its eerie, wonderful glow across the skies like nighttime’s own rainbow. The wavy lights even seemed to hold Dordy in thrall, who sat and looked up at them quietly. A quick dinner was had, this time with no fire, as no one wanted the fire to throw up too much ambient light and block out the Northern Lights from view, and then, as the lights (and Nat) began to fade, Nat waved Onyx down, helping Celeste up with Dordy.

The pair flew back to Amberpine Lodge, where Celeste Blinked off Onyx’s back with Dordy right into the cockpit of the FB. Another pre-flight checklist (and a generous tip to the guards) later, and the pair were flying back through the portal to the Shrine of the Seven Stars in Pandaria, winging their way home for Nat’s early worknight bedtime. Cradled by the sound of the distant waves crashing against the Spire, Nat smiled her way into happy sleep, cozy in her bed with her family. Her last waking thought was that, Hearthglen adventure or not, she’d had a happy week, and an especially happy day with her family. Next week was sure to bring more of the same, and she was excited to see how it all turned out!

[Natasha Ebonlocke]

February the Twenty-Third

All was mostly quiet.

The trickling of rippling water could be heard through the window, seawater splashing gently against the rocky foundation of the upscale part of town built upon the land rising from the water. The fire crackled in the hearth, crackling, snapping, and popping, the sound as comforting as the cozy warmth and soft glow it cast around the room. Low murmurs could be heard outside as city guards or early-bird fisherman walked about with their comrades, going to their posts or their patrols or their boats. No gull cries were heard early this morning; the birds usually found perches for the night and slept with their heads under their wings. By and large, it was a quiet morning.

Upton Borough sure looks beautiful at night, Nat thought to herself as she looked out of the window. The beautifully crafted Kul Tiran architecture, the surrounding seawater, the boats everywhere, and the soft, warm glows of streetlamps and the windows of other early risers were a wonder to behold. Night would soon give way to day, which would bring a beauty all its own, but for now, the still, soft quiet of the pre-dawn morning was a time of peace, calm, and happiness.

Nat turned and looked back toward the bed, where slept Celeste and Dordy. The gorgeously crafted four-poster bed was broad and spacious, much larger than their bed at home. Indeed the entire room was far more spacious than their bed at home, and commanded a substantial price in the inn they were staying at, though Celeste and Nat agreed that the inn was easily worth it. Celeste and Dordy themselves were only barely visible in the mostly-dark room, blocked off from the light of the fire as they were by the curtains being pulled to at the foot of the bed, leaving the sides open for some air flow. Nat could see the strawberry-blonde of the top of Celeste’s head only just poking out from handsome Kul Tiran blankets pulled high over most of her body, the heavy blankets warming her in the chilly February night air of the notoriously cool island nation. Dordy wasn’t visible at all, save for an orange glow visible through the thick blankets around Celeste’s midsection, where he’d curled himself up into a ball and cuddled into her under the blankets.

Nat smiled at the beauty inside and outside the room, turning now to the desk she’d seated herself at. The desk held an early mug of hot coffee with just a light splash of liquid hazelnut creamer and no sugar, her diary, opened to the next empty page, her opened cherrywood quill case, and her uncapped inkwell of purple ink. Nat picked up her ravenfeather quill out of the quill case, dipped it for some ink, and began to write.

Dear diary,

Back to having a loaded week! YAY!

Celeste and I came to Boralus last night after the Whitewind Company adventure, and we’re staying in the most BEAUTIFUL room! We’re here for a huge open fishing party in the Bay of Boralus, an organized fishing party where anglers go out on their boats, fish all morning, then return to share their catches with all the other anglers, cooking their fish up their own way and sharing with the rest. We brought the Wave Dancer! I wouldn’t be surprised to find that it’s the most technologically advanced craft on the water today. It’s going to be a lot of fun! For now, the sun isn’t even up yet, and likely won’t for another hour or two, so Celeste and Dordy are sleeping. I can’t wait to get started!

We also had DEATHROLLS on Tuesday! It was me, my bestie Nah, my buddy Grimmie, and our good friends Maya, Lora, and Anna! We got to play at Bruuk’s Corner in Ironforge! Last time we played upstairs, on the balcony, so this time we played downstairs, right next to the bar! Gosh, there are so many memories at that table… Anyway, it was a super fun game, even if it didn’t go on quite as long as usual! We started off with several rounds of Truths for once, which involved questions on everything from deep questions like points in people’s lives they’d redo if given the chance, to silly questions about stuff like passing gas. Then the first Dare came from Maya, to me! She had me pick a hand, each of which held a flower. I ended up with the left hand, which held a really pretty flower with yellow-orange leaves with green at the base of the petals. I went to smell it, when, POOF! ACK! It poofed some kinda powder at me, and it smelled SO SO SO bad! Maya said it was called a “stinkbloom!” It was terrible! The whole table could smell it and was trying not to cough and gag, but I got the worst of it, right in the face! GOSH! And then it happened… Nah reminded me of last week’s Dare that we were gonna do this week since she didn’t get to Dare me in time last week at the Brawlpub… Peddlefeet cosplay! I brought the Peddlefeet angel outfit with me, including some fake green dragon wings to put on my back to denote the goblin that Peddlefeet is, and the little halo and the toy bow and arrow. Peddlefeet the love angel! I went out and changed into it, and, when I came back in, Nah, who’d been playing from her druidic cat form the whole time, went Kaldorei form… revealing an exact copy of the Peddlefeet costume! Oh gosh! Bestie Peddlefeet cosplay time! HA! I ended up rolling dice to see who Peddlefeet would pair off with whom, and I ended up getting Lora paired off with my Bestie, pretending to shoot them with Peddlefeet’s bow and arrow that makes people fall in love, then I rolled again, and the dice said Grim and Maya! HA! More bow and arrows for them! That just left Anna and I! Peddlefeet’s work here is DONE! Then I had to wear my Peddlefeet costume for the rest of the game, as did Nah, but that was fine, because we had fun! Then Nah got me with another Dare, and had me drink this bitter, powerfully strong dwarven liquor that she’d added ghost pepper sauce and moonberry juice to. GAH! So strong! Then, the fire came! Oh gosh, that hot sauce! But then, a soothing aftertaste. Nah’s favorite drink, moonberry juice! Then Maya Dared Lora to eat some chocolate she’d brought. Lora seemed to be really enjoying it, but then, suddenly, her face puckered up and her Quel’dorei ears curled so much the tips were touching the side of her head! Maya snickered and was like, “Oh boy, she got to the FUN part!” Turned out the chocolate had a super-sour inside! Poor Lora! Then I got to Dare Lora and Nah, so I gave them Whisper Dares to do, in three rounds, when everyone least expects it, without warning, and without context. The others were looking nervous; these usually end up being some really off-the-wall stuff! Meanwhile, Nah had rolled a one out of one hundred to open the next round, which meant she had to do a Truth or Dare then, AND join in on the next one! That’s how I got to Whisper Dare her! Then, something even crazier happened… Nah WON the next Truth or Dare roll, which meant that, since she’d rolled that one out of one hundred the previous round, she’d have to join in on her own heckin’ Truth or Dare! Even crazier, Maya rolled the One during that round, and Lora and I BOTH rolled a one during the Truth or Dare rolls, which meant WE had to join in TOO! So, Nah got us all to rotate seats clockwise. Whoever’s seat that put you in, you had to act like that person for three rounds! Since Maya and Nah were sharing a seat, Nah said Lora had to act like her and Maya both! Maya and Nah were both me, and I was Lora! Gosh, it’s hard to try to behave like a haughty elf while the two most mischievous ones at the table are goshing all over the place and pretending to be you, and a haughty elf is acting up as much as Nah and Maya do! That was followed by Anna’s Dare she had to do, eating candy given to her by Lora, who was Nah/Maya… Nahya, as I was calling her, hehe… The candy was a red-hot cinnamon one, though, so Anna was steaming at the ears after that! Then Lora hopped up onto the table, sitting down right in front of Anna as Anna fanned herself and panted and was being cinnamoned. Lora grabbed a napkin to be her clipboard, miming that she was writing something each time she leaned in to inspect Anna. "Let's see..." she said, tearing the napkin in half, reading her “sheet” with nothing on it. "Your symptoms are consistent with Boogie Fever. Expect, in about twelve hours, to experience uncontrollable bouts of dancing and... oh! Your tongue might grow hair." Then my bestie got up on the table and sat down next to Lora, and she was like, “Oooh, yeeeessssh, maaassshter. Booogie Fever. Moooosht uncurable...! Well... unless we gave her Bestie Booger Beansh...! ...You wisssh for Bestie Booger Beansh...?” Then Lora, pretending to be Nah, who was pretending to be me, asked Nah, “What are you doing, Bestie?!” Maya was SO confused, she was just like, “W...Oh gosh, I think I've officially had too much to drink.” And then I, still pretending to be Lora, was like, “I... think I have as well.” Nah never once broke character. She was like, “It'sh me~! Eeeeee-gooooooore~! Igor issssh your asshishtant! Yeeeeeesh.” HA! Then Maya was like, “Do you shee a dance doctor and a hobgoblin assistant? …hic!” And I was like, “I do. Whatever are they doing?” Meanwhile, Lora, AKA Doctor Nahya, was like, “The cure is more cowbell,” and Nah was like, “Yeeeeessssh... cowbell and Cowpie Pot Pie~! Yeeeeesh...” Then Lora concluded her medical diagnosis, handing the blank napkin to her 'assistant.' "She's all yours!" she said. Standing again, she walked back to her seat, snickering. I tried to smirk like a cool elf. It looked like I had to sneeze, I bet. "Ah, well done, Doctor Lora. Youv'e saved the day." Then Nah took out a pen and wrote something on the napkin before setting it down before Anna. "That'll be 99 gold coins, 99 silver coins, and 99 copper coins, payable over up to 9 installments of 11 gold, 11 silver, 11 copper per month.” Anna looked at Nah, took the napkin, and blew her runny spice-nose on it. HA! I tried to snicker at my bestie, but it just sounded like I had a head cold. "Well done, Igor," I said, trying and failing to be Lora. “Whisper Dare complete!” HA! Then Anna got me with a Dare to read from her Tome of the Light book, and I had to do a blessing for the group and then do a sermon from the passages I’d find in the book. I did that for a little while, but I kept getting it wrong, with Anna correcting me, which got more laughs from the group. Gosh, how embarrassing! Then Maya had a Truth for Nah on what costume she would wear if she were going to surprise Xam, and Nah went with Wrathion. If I came home, and Celeste were dressed up like the Black Prince of the Black Dragonflight, I’d be surprised to! Ha! Then Lora Dared Anna to do a sermon, which eventually got talked into Anna doing a blessing on the group, blessing each of us by name. Anna did a blessing prayer for me, beseeching the Light that I might find clothes (Nah’s costume for Peddlefeet had me rather scantily clad…), Grim that he might lose some chest hair to get down to a normal level (Grim being shirtless a couple of weeks ago in Boralus had everyone commenting on how hairy he is), Lora so that she might have a bathroom with walls (a reference to an earlier Truth from when Lora was in the Theramore Marines and the latrines had no walls), Nah so that she might find clothing as well (since she was wearing a Peddlefeet costume just like mine), and Maya, so that her seedlings might prosper without stench (she still remembered Maya’s Stinkbloom Dare for me from earlier). HA! Then I got Maya with a Dare to sing something positive about each of us while dancing on the table, so she got up and started dancing, and she was like, “Nat has a kindness like I have never seen. Not to mention, your hair has an amazing sheen!” Awww, gosh! “As strong as a mountain, as sly as a fox. Grim has a number of excellent building blocks!” Heh, true! “Quick with a shot and a wit that will sting, Lora has two of my favorite things!” Heh, also true! “As supportive as can be and prettier than a dream, Sunlight’s always cooking up a scheme!” Heh, too true about my bestie! Sunlight is Maya’s nickname for her too! Then, “Shield of steel and a libram of faith. Anna has the conviction to make sure all our heads stay on straight!” HA! Yep, that’s Anna, alright! Then it was time for the final round, as people were getting sleepy early. And finally, on the final round, Grim got in on the action! He got Dared by Lora to go on an apology tour, apologizing to everyone in the group for something he’d done, just make it all up as he goes along. Oh gosh! So Grim was like, “Lora, I did something bad. I put a laxative in your drink a few weeks back. I hope you didn’t have any bad accidents.” Ew! Then, “Lady Nah, I did you wrong. I swapped out your bedsheets on the ship. I replaced them with the sheets of an unwashed tauren goat herder.” EW! Nah had herself a good snicker at that one and was like, “Hmm, I thought I was itchier than normal.” Ha! Then, “Maya, I apologize, I did you a bit wrong. I swapped out your shampoo and conditioner with that of a goblin’s. I do not think the goblin had a nose to smell it with.” EW! Then, “I think I did you the most wrong, Anna. I had about a hundred copies of Noah Scribeson’s Steamy Romance Novels ordered and delivered to your place of worship.” Oh gosh, Grimmie! That’s awful! Then he turned to me, and he was like, “Nat, I did you very wrong. I broke into your and Celeste’s home and stole all your undergarments, replacing them with Forsaken lady things.” Gross-NESS! Yuck! HA! Then after that, the game was over. We said our goodnights with some yawning, and we all went home. Gosh, what a hilarious game night, especially when Nah had a one out of a hundred, and then had to Dare her own self plus THREE others to do stuff! Good luck ever replicating THAT again! HA! I LOVE Deathrolls! WOO!

Then last night was the Whitewind Company adventure! It was SUPPOSED to be easy… Just head up to Hearthglen, where we were going to follow lead that lead from early last year when we were in the Stormwind Royal Library, back when we were first researching all this, in that book I found written by a Hearthglen blacksmith who details the differences between men as women as it relates to crafting plate armor for them. The crass writing is not at all sugar-coated and certainly made me blush deeply, but I skimmed it anyway, eventually delighting to find a mention of a Quel'dorei human blacksmith who had crafted an ornate suit of armor for an unnamed High Elven princess. It was of blue mithril, wrought with delicate, intricate truesilver trimmings. The blacksmith went on to shamelessly detail the differences between crafting armor for a slender woman, especially in the bust, and crafting armor for heavily-muscled men. With the writer describing the armor of a High Elven princess being from Hearthglen, we were going to go up there and simply come up with a trade offer for the piece. Easy-peasy!

Yeah, if only.

It was me, my bestie Nah, Maya, and Lora. We landed in Redpine Dell, where we landed last week before the gnolls were about to attack us and we had to leave. We didn’t wanna simply zoom straight over the walls and into the city, as long a history as that place has with undead invaders, so we wanted to just ride up all normal-like and head through the gates of the town. So, we rode north, traveling through the most beautiful pass in the hills, with forested hill scenery all around us, winding through the hills and the forest until we reached the gate of Hearthglen.

What we were NOT expecting was two fully-armored and armed guards standing in front of a closed gate, barring the way.

Things got tense then, and only got tenser. My bestie Nah was talking to them about who we are, and that we were expected and stuff, but the guards were looking very grim, as though something horrible had happened! Eventually, Nah got them to let us in, adopting a very professional, yet authoritative tone she sometimes uses in situations like this. We got in, and the path went between the two walls lining either side of the narrow hill pass we were still traveling through. We ended up coming to a fork, with the group opting to go left. That was fortunate, because, as it turned out, the town hall we needed to get to was on that side! The secretary was similarly grim and worried, and wouldn’t tell us what was up, and wanted us to close the door so she wouldn’t have to hear what was going on outside. Oh gosh! Just how bad WAS… whatever it was? She directed us through the town hall to find the mayor, and we went that way. The mayor, spotting us and realizing who we must be, came over to meet us. He, too, looked grim. Just like everyone else…

The Mayor, one Bart Sanford, asked us if we were the Whitewind Company and associated contractors, and we said we were, and then he asked if we were there for the breastplate, and we confirmed it. Then, he asked us something that totally threw us off. He asked if we were the same Whitewind Company that investigated the Brinebreaker Gang in Boralus a couple of years prior. Brinebreakers?! What did THEY have to do with anything in Hearthglen?! Meanwhile, the group had spent the time between meeting the guards at the gate to meeting the mayor in the town hall speculating on what horrible thing was going on, seeming to all agree that the gnolls must be posing a problem somehow. Then the mayor told us what we had already kinda gathered… something horrible had happened! Then he finally revealed what it was, after all the suspense we’d been put through up to this point… the blacksmith, one Marvin “Hammerhand” Jones, the one who owned the breastplate… was dead. Mayor Sanford went on to state that their own constable, Alan Davis, was a small-town man whose law enforcement duties chiefly involved breaking up bar brawls and resolving disputes. Murder, however, was far beyond his skill or experience, and the mayor wanted us because he’d heard a traveler talk once about how the Whitewind Company had busted that gang in Boralus. Well, that explains why he asked about that! Maya was like, “Let me guess, the breastplate is gone.” Mayor Sanford was like, “I have secured the breastplate.” Then Maya was like, “Ooooh, that’s better news than I thought! So, you want us to find out who killed him?” The mayor nodded, and went on to agree to a new trade deal with us: Find the killer, bring them to justice, and take the breastplate far, far, far away from Hearthglen, and it would be ours.

It was then he told us that we’d find the murder scene, and Constable Allen, in the town’s smithy. We took our leave then, thanking him and his secretary (closing the door behind us for her once more on our way out), and looked for the smithy, finding it quickly. When we got there, the scene was… grisly, to say the least.

The huge, barrel-chested, towering blacksmith was dead in a corner, covered in blood, and lying in a puddle of it. A short old man, bald but for a bit of white on the sides and back of his head, wearing thick spectacles, was there already, taking notes. This was the Constable, Alan Davis. He said what he mayor had said: that he’d been to school to learn criminal justice, but he was in way over his head on this one, being just a small-town constable. However, he knows much about the investigative process from a textbook point of view, and said he’d be there to help us every step of the way. If we get stuck, we can just turn to him for guidance! That may very well come in handy more than once before this is all over!

After that, Nah went to look the body over, directing the rest of us to search the blacksmith for clues. I was looking at the doors. No sign of forced entry here! Maya found a scrap of black cloth near the body, with one end folded over and sewn to the rest of it, as though it were the hem of a robe, or pants leg, or cuff of a sleeve. Lora was looking at a knocked-over toolbox, finding drops of blood in it, as well as a leather sheath for what looked like a skinning and leatherworking knife… and the knife was gone! The blade appeared to be about eight inches. Had we just found the first clue as to what the murder weapon must be?

Nah stood up after that, reporting that she counted no fewer than eighteen stab wounds on the body, none of which seemed to be aimed at anything fatal. She described the killing as very sloppily and messily done, as though the man had been attacked by someone with no training in combat whatsoever. Oddly, however, the man’s knuckles were undamaged, and no skin was found under his fingernails, nor any other sort of signs of him defending himself! After that, we started speculating on the clues. The tipped-over toolbox and the scrap of cloth seemed to indicate some sort of struggle, and yet the doors showing no sign of forced entry and the lack of defensive wounds or signs of the blacksmith fighting back seemed to indicate that the assailant was not only someone the blacksmith knew, but also someone he did not want to hurt. Very odd!

The constable lauded our efforts as impressive, and agreed with Lora’s suggestion that we search the grounds next. So, we went outside, trying to see if Lora was right about the assailant fleeing and throwing the murder weapon away in a bush or something. We peered around, searching everything from bushes to tufts of grass to corners of the outside of the blacksmith to even mining carts from the nearby mine, but we found no knife anywhere!

What we did find, however, were tracks! It had clearly rained earlier that day, as the ground was wet. Maya noted tracks that were faced pretty far apart from each other, as though the person were running quickly. However, the splash pattern of the tracks in the mud made it impossible to determine a shoe size. The weirdest thing was, this person was sprinting from the blacksmith to the mine!

We followed the tracks to the nearby iron mine, passing a team of miners as we went deep into the man-made cave. The mine was dark, but we were able to see well enough with the lanterns the mining crew used. We looked and we looked, but, as before, we could still find no knife!

Then Nah had the presence of mind to declare that, as we’d basically been deputized to investigate the murder by the mayor himself, that we should all search the toolboxes of the miners. The miners protested, but heck, orders are orders… I went through the nearest toolbox, though I still found no knife. But then Maya found it… a skinning knife with a seven-inch blade, coated thickly in dried blood!

Nah demanded of the miners to know who the toolbox belonged to. The culprit turned out to be a man named Tim, whom Nah questioned so sternly that she really made the poor guy squirm. Oh gosh!

Tim, as it turned out, had never seen the knife before. We all agreed after that he didn’t seem to be lying on that one. What we did find out was that, early that morning, the mining team had been approaching the mine for the day’s work, when they came across a figure all hunched over, making it impossible to determine a height, hooded and cloaked, or else wearing a very baggy black robe, if not both. Tim said that the figure seemed to realize they were spotted, and changed direction and bolted off. Nah asked him which way the person went, and Tim said they’d gone to the right. Nah asked if he’d gone east, but it turns out Tim didn’t know which way east was! Confused, he simply repeated that they’d been approaching the mine, and seen the person go off to the right. Nah, knowing from our earlier approach to the mine ourselves that the approach is from the south, determined that that was east after all, then let the poor guy go. We left Tim to his trembling (I hope his foreman gave him the day off after that!) and went back out of the mine.

Heading off east, we soon found more tracks, and, sure enough, they were the spaced-apart tracks of a running person heading east! The outskirts of the town are marked by low cliffs of the surrounding foothills, so our first guess was that the person had left town into the hills, but then the tracks made it to a watchtower with cobblestone all around the base of it, which is where it ended, cobblestone being too hard to make tracks in. The earlier rain appeared to have washed away all mud tracks on the stone as well. Nah, following a hunch, decided to continue on our path around the tower, believing we’d come across more tracks. We did, when the cobble ran into the front ramp to the tower’s entrance and came to a stop, but the tracks simply led from there to the nearby cobblestone road, from which point the tracks’ owner could have gone anywhere in town! It was a dead end!

It wasn’t a total bust. We’d found the murder weapon (or at least we’re pretty sure it is, what with the same length as the empty sheath of the blacksmith, and all the blood), determined that the suspect was likely still in the town, that they’d come back around the tower right by the lumber mill there, and, according to one other thing Constable Alan had told us, there was even a young, gossipy woman named Norma who, if anyone knew relationships and possible enemies of Marvin “Hammerhand” Jones, it would be her, as she knows everything that goes on in that town, gossip that she is! Norma Sanford, her name is, wife of the youngest son of Mayor Sanford. Marvin, an orphan rescued from Andorhol during the Scourge, had no living family left after the undead ravaged his town, and was raised by the previous blacksmith of Hearthglen. Without close family to talk to, Norma and her seemingly endless information would be the next best thing!

With that tidbit in mind, we realized we’d exhausted the information we could glean from this trail, and decided to go to the inn to find Norma Sanford, as the constable had said she liked to spend her evenings there trading gossip. We found the inn easily enough. We went in to find it crowded; the whole town seemed to be in to get news of the murder. It wasn’t filled with laughter and raucous shouting and song like most inns tend to be. These people were every bit as tense and hushed as the guards, mayor, secretary, and constable had been. They were leaning over tables, conversing in low tones with each other, looking very grim indeed!

We decided to split up, going around asking which of the many young women in there was Norma. Maya ended up finding her in the back of the inn, speaking with another young woman her own age. When we walked up, she already knew who we were! Gosh, she IS good at gossip and keeping tabs on stuff! We were asking her if she knew like, relationships the guy had, or enemies, and she knew LOTS! And, despite attempting to keep up appearances with strangers and not seem like a gossip, was obviously about to burst apart at the seems in her eagerness to spill the beans, so it wasn’t difficult to coax her into talking!

The first on her list of suspects was Alric Sunrise, a haughty Quel’dorei that lived in the town that had always been, according to Norma, exceptionally adamant about the breastplate of Princess Ariel Sunstrider being returned to his people. His anger on the subject was well known, and to have the artifact held tightly in the hands of humans made him fume. Just last week, in fact, the blacksmith had had to call the guards to physically escort Alric Sunrise from his smithy! Indeed, it seems to be the only thing keeping him in a town full of humans, his desire to see the armor returned to Quel’dorei hands! Norma said she wouldn’t be surprised at all to find that Alric was the killer!

We were all set on going to find Alric Sunrise immediately, but then Norma, positively vibrating with the excitement of the gossip, said that there was ANOTHER person she thinks could have done it! Jon Gerard, her dear father-in-law’s biggest political rival, a man always working to destabilize Mayor Sanford’s office and discredit him at every turn, even setting him up one time to make him look guilty of adultery! The man is evidently so maniacal about overthrowing Mayor Sanford, he might even resort to stealing the breastplate and murdering the one that owns it!

By this time, Nah was getting REALLY into the big. The more excited Norma got, the more excited Nah seemed to get, but… I know my bestie. That mischievous gleam in her eye, the overdone, scandalized gasping, the dramatic, wide-eyed declarations of, “You don’t say!” while listening with rapt attention, the eager pleas for more information… the questioning had become a game for her, one she was gleefully pleased to play, and she was enjoying getting all this information out of Norma! If it weren’t for the sad nature of the story, I might have laughed!

Now we had multiple suspects. Which one to even investigate first? Both men had motive for the killing, and the means to do so!

But Norma wasn’t done yet…

ANOTHER possible killer was proposed, only this time, Norma dropped her voice from gleefully gossipy to a hushed, serious tone, even going so far as to glance around the heavily-occupied common room of the inn to make sure no one was listening before discussing her next suspect: one Lisa Stanley. Born and raised in Hearthglen, she and her family survived the Scourge, only to end up abducted and taken to the Scarlet Monastery by the Scarlet Crusade, who put them to the question. Her family did not survive the torture, and she herself only just managed to escape the horrors of the Scarlet Inquisitors, being a very small girl and able to slip quietly past their guards. She made it all the way back to Hearthglen from the monastery in Tirisfal Glades, slipping past Scarlets and Scourge alike, though she was never the same afterward, and, according to Lisa, has, to this day, the most “scandalous” scars all over her midsection. Having witnessed the torture and murder of her family in addition to being tortured as a young child herself, she ended up deeply prone to violent behavior. For no apparent reason, she’d pick fights with the biggest boys and girls in class, relishing the violence, oft times giggling happily as she beat them to a bloody pulp. At fifteen, she quit school to join the Alliance military, where it didn’t take long for her comrades to fear her. It was said that she took her time killing her foes, making it slow and painful as possible, showing no emotion throughout, or else giggling like a mad fiend. Then she’d boast to her comrades back at camp how she’d skin tauren and rip their calves out. Apparently, she was referring to the calf muscles in their lower legs, but, if anyone assumed she meant tauren babies, she grinned and didn’t bother to correct them. GOSH! It was also said that several of her comrades, rivals really, disappeared under mysterious circumstances while she was in their unit. Soon enough, she found herself dishonorably discharged from the military for being a psychopath, with no other alternative but to return to her hometown of Hearthglen.

Nah, remembering the sloppy, messy, inaccurate stabbing of “Hammerhand” Jones, was ready to dismiss Lisa Stanley as a subject, not believing that a trained soldier would have that hard and messy a time trying to stab someone to death. I wasn’t so sure, myself; if Lisa wanted to have fun with it, draw it out, then the stab wounds would be more accurate than we thought, intentionally avoiding vital organs and arteries.

Then Norma sat up straight, giggling like a schoolgirl, stating that there was one more she thought might have done it, one far more scandalous than the rest. The old widow, Jess Burton, who owns a museum in the town that’s been in her family for generations. According to Norma, Ms. Burton is an older woman, around Marvin’s age, who has been trying to get him to notice her, to like her, to DATE her, for ages! She also thinks that Ms. Burton is after the breastplate for her museum, but mostly, she just knows that the widow was always trying to get Marvin’s attention in a more romantic sense, and, having been spurned and jilted one too many times, may well have flown into a rage and KILLED poor old Marvin!

That was it for her suspects, so we were prepared to leave and have our on conversation on what was happening so far. We thanked Norma, who grinned and asked us to come to her if we get any good gossip, stating that she was the youngest son of the mayor, and the older sons got all the prestige and left him with nothing, and she’d do ANYthing to boost him to prominence, including keeping tabs on everything and everyone in town! Well, she was certainly accomplishing that, though I don’t know how her self-importance was going to help her young husband any. Still, she’d been a great help, so we thanked her and turned to leave.

Then something happened we did not anticipate…

As we turned to leave, well… apparently word had gotten around the inn, because one particularly good-looking young blonde woman had slipped through the crowd and approached us, profanely accusing Normal of talking badly about others. Her small hands were balled into fists, clenched tightly enough to make several more scars on them stand out bright white. She was very pretty, yet, as one looked closer, one could see faint scars around her eyes. The eyes themselves seemed to be devoid of any emotion, even though the rest of her was displaying anger. The eyes themselves, blue as ice, just seemed… empty. Cold. Emotionless.

Norma immediately looked terrified, confirming our suspicions when she called the girl Lisa as she apologized all over herself to her. Nah immediately intervened, stepping between Lisa and Norma and asking Lisa to leave her alone. Lisa immediately jacked Nah up by the front of her suit jacket, or tried to, anyway, being a foot and a half shorter than the seven-foot-tall Kaldorei woman. She called Nah “knife ears” and told her to back off, as this didn’t concern her, which had me shouting at her to leave my bestie alone. All three of the rest of us, Lora, Maya, and I, converged on the woman, and Nah suddenly had one of her daggers in her hand and held tight to the back of Lisa’s neck. Oh gosh! Lisa smirked and said she’d let Nah go (she did so)… but she WOULD take a piece of HER (pointing at Lora!)! No provocation from Lora, just… she randomly wanted to FIGHT her! Geez!

Without another word, she walked right up to Lora, going for a roundhouse kick. Lora caught Lisa’s foot in her hand, attempting to yank her off her feet, but Lisa pulled her foot back without falling. Lisa then tried to punch Lora in the throat, but she missed, due to my bestie Shadowstepping (a rogue move in which you poof and then reappear behind your target) behind Lisa and punching her right in the back of the head! Lisa fell to her knees, dazed, and that’s when the Hearthglen guards arrived! Lisa smirked at them, calling them Mac and Bobby, and made a snide remark about them not being able to stay away from a girl as hot as her. I suppose that means they’ve already arrested her several times! One, who was evidently Mac, clamped a hand on her shoulders, while the other one, Bobby, apparently the ranking member of the guard among the two, said that Lisa knew the drill, and off with her. Lisa slapped Mac’s hand off her shoulder really hard. It was super loud! She said to him to get his meat hook off her, that she knows the way. I guess she knew she was heading to a cell, and was just gonna go along with it, knowing she was outnumbered by the guard! But, before she got out the door, she turned and smirked at us and said, “Welcome to Hearthglen, ladies. I’ll be seeing you again soon. Believe that.” Oh gosh!

Nah said she didn’t like the sound of that, and started talking to Bobby, who confirmed that Lisa was a constant thorn in the guards’ side basically. Nah said she did punch Lisa in the back of the head, but Bobby didn’t seem upset by it and didn’t bother to arrest Nah or anything! He just said he’d have the town’s priest see to Lisa and make sure she’s okay. Then he sighed and said that “Richard” still hasn’t recovered from the LAST time he had to heal her. Oh my goodness! Then, off in the distance, we could hear Lisa screaming out, “WHO YOU CALLING A MISCREANT?!” Gosh, she’s so scary!

After that, we were out of time, and people had to head home, but we promised we’d be back to finish what we started. We’re in this for the long haul!

As we said our goodnights, however, we could hear the guards shouting for help, and Lisa shouting in rage over them. Apparently she was putting up a good fight over being jailed again!

Maya headed out first, and Nah, Lora, and I stayed to review everything we’d learned for a while, sometimes having to raise our voices over the distant shouts of Lisa and the guards, and then we eventually went to sleep as well. Nah apparently knows, from her time centuries ago as a priestess of Elune for a few decades, how to inter the dead, including how to do full autopsies. EW! She said she was going to stay behind, doing a bit of forensic hemomancy to see if she could match the blood on the knife Maya found to the blood of “Hammerhand” Jones, and to see what else she might learn. I left her to it, heading home myself.

Goodness gracious, what a crazy night it had been! What was supposed to be a simple trade offer turned into… ALL THAT!

Well, one thing’s for sure: I can’t say it was a boring week! It sure was loaded with stuff to do! Even if some of it was sad and kinda gross…

But heck, that’s what today is for! Rest and relaxation in the beautiful city of Boralus, with my beautiful little family, making new Kul Tiran angler friends! She should be waking up soon, so I better wrap this up – I’m bringing her breakfast in bed from the common room as a surprise! Dordy too!

Gosh, I hope next week goes safely and well… yet still, I can’t wait to see what happens next! YAY!

Nat bounced a bit with excitement in her seat, tapping off the excess ink from her quill into her inkwell. She replaced it in her quill case, closing it and the inkwell and returning to her pack. She got up, heading quietly out the door, not wanting to wake Dordy, as he’d definitely wake Celeste. Slipping quietly downstairs, she found the common room already buzzing with a few early patrons. Ordering breakfast for three, which included bacon, eggs, sausage, and, in Kul Tiran fashion, a few fish sticks and various shellfish on the side. A refill of her own coffee and a fresh mug of black coffee for Celeste was also on the tab. The innkeeper was kind enough to help her carry everything up, slipping quietly with her into the room to place everything on the spacious table on one side of the room before quietly bowing out with a kind smile.

Nat woke Celeste by giving Dordy a few pokes, giggling to see him instantly spring to life and trample Celeste on his way out to the food he already smelled. Having already been out to do his business when Nat awoke earlier, he was now all about those noms! Nat quickly placated him with his own plate, one that matched Celeste’s and Nat’s, and the spoiled rotten pup eagerly dove in, lapping occasionally from a dish of water placed beside the plate on the floor. With Dordy distracted, Nat took her plate and Celeste’s over to the bed, earning a groggy smile and kiss. The coffee came next, which was the first thing Celeste went for.

Breakfast was a happy affair, a meal eaten less than an hour before sunrise. Bellies full and minds fully awake, the pair quickly got their fishing gear ready and exited the room, paying the innkeeper for the food and the room on their way out.

Making a bee-line for the Wave Dancer (Dordy underfoot the whole way), the pair loaded up the boat, soon motoring slowly out of their pier, not wanting to upset other boats with their wake. Politeness was a thing on the water too! Nat felt wildly out of place using a gnomish internal combustion engine to move her boat when the rest of the Kul Tirans were powerful rowers, or else moving the largest ships with the help of a Tidesage. But no matter – it was time for fishing fun!

Nat soon found her family in the midst of several other small crafts, each one within fifty yards or so, fishing as they were for the fishing party. Occasionally, one or two anglers would come by closer to ask about the strange watercraft with all its contraptions and its see-through floor, not to mention a dog made out of magma, and Celeste was all too happy to answer, usually with tales embellished with details involving dodging core hounds the size of houses in the Molten Core to find Dordy, or else snagging low-flying mechanical drones as they swooped low over Mechagon Isle, pulling herself aboard, re-engineering them to answer her commands, and piloting them against other drones to obtain parts for her own little engineered boat. Nat giggled at Celeste’s stories as she listened quietly from her purple, cushioned chair near the bow, keeping an eye on her fishing rod and Celeste’s while Celeste told stories, always loving Celeste’s endearing habit of spicing up old events in the retelling.

Soon enough, the cooler was full of fish on just about every boat on the water, and lunchtime had already rolled around. Celeste stowed the fishing rods and secured the Wave Dancer, turning the boat back toward Boralus’ Tradewinds Market, where the food would be grilled or fried up right there on the docks, waterside, and everyone would share their freshly-cooked dishes with everyone else. Celeste, Nat, and even Dordy were so full by the end of it, they could barely do more than sit around in their camping chairs on the docks and tell, or listen to, more stories. Yet they didn’t mind; such a relaxing, happy day was needed, they agreed, and the party lasted straight through the day until the first stars began to come out. The anglers, needing an early start the next morning, began drifting off here and there pretty quickly, and Celeste knew Nat had to get to bed as well, so they packed their boat up, climbed in, and took a portal back to Anglers Wharf, and home.

Snug in their own bed in the House-On-The-Spire, Nat drifted off to sleep, entangled with the Catch of Her Life, Dordy wedged in between them. Her last conscious thoughts were of the happy day, her happy family, and what the next week might bring. She knew one thing: she couldn’t wait for the workend to be over, and the next week’s adventures to come!

[Natasha Ebonlocke]

March the Second

The waves of Turtle Bay rolled gently against the little stilt village of Anglers Wharf, sloshing and tinkling peacefully against the posts and occasionally washing up and over the lowest boardwalks that sat almost flat on the water’s surface. Joining the sound of the waves was the wash of the wind, the cries of gulls hoping to pick off a quick meal from the anglers, and the voices and footsteps of those quietly going about another relaxing day in Pandaria. The morning was warm, the skies were blue, and the anglers were on the piers getting ready for another day on the water.

Next to one of these piers bobbed the Wave Dancer. Celeste and Nat were joined by their friend Penelope Boltbucket, the mechagnome busy with Celeste installing some equipment next to the gnomish sonar system. There was a small harpoon gun lying aft of the pilot’s station that was lying in pieces and awaiting modification, an assortment of electronics around the pilot’s console, and one of the legendary notebooks of Eowithiel McCullough opened on the console itself. Penny stood on the back of the console, facing aft, looking down at the console itself as she worked, being too small to see it from the floor. Celeste sat opposite her in the pilot’s chair, looking thoughtful as she and Penny conversed at length about what to install where and how and why, their chatter so full of engineering terms that the anglers on the wharf quipped that they may as well be speaking a foreign language.

Dordy the molten corgi, having quickly gotten bored of sniffing around the Wave Dancer, was darting around the docks, sniffing at everything, often getting treats from the locals that had long since grown to love him. Dordy, having been trained long ago to leave bait alone and not be a pest, was the perfect gentleman when he’d find a treat, sitting down and wagging his tail as he looked up at the bait’s owner… though the infamous Feaster of Untended Noms had no qualms about sneaking off with the odd morsel when no one was looking!

Forward of the pilot’s seat they were working at sprawled Nat, flat on the see-through bottom of the boat, completely unbothered by the almost unnoticeable, gentle bobbing of the water in regards to the writing she was about to do: in front of her lay her diary, open to the next blank page. Around the diary were her cherrywood quill case, inkwell of purple ink, and a thermos of iced (chilled with her own novice frost magic) coffee with just a splash of liquid hazelnut creamer. Nat took a sip of her coffee as she opened her quill case and took out her ravenfeather quill, then uncapped her inkwell, dipped for some ink, and began to write.

Dear diary,

Gosh, it’s been the most uneventful week in a long time! Deathrolls and the weekly adventure fell through this week, so I have only two things to write about… the post I put up on the Whitewind’s Grace detailing the clues we’ve found for the murder case in Hearthglen so far, and the sha of misfortune! Celeste has a plan to shut that thing down for good!

My post on the Whitewind’s Grace looks like this:

------------

Hearthglen Murder Mystery

Clues:

- Eighteen stab wounds on the body of Marvin "Hammerhand" Jones, deemed to be the work of an inexperienced amateur to Lady Nah, due to the messy nature of the attack and the repeated miss of any vital body parts or arteries. Death was caused instead by bleeding out from the sheer number of wounds.

- One scrap of black cloth, one end folded over and stitched, as though it were from the hem of a robe.

- One tipped-over toolbox with a few blood splatters on it, containing an empty sheath for a skinning/leatherworking knife. The sheath is made to hold a seven-inch blade.

- One skinning/leatherworking knife with a seven-inch blade, coated in blood, found stashed down a nearby mine in an unsuspecting miner's toolbox.

Suspects:

Thanks to one Norma Sanford, wife of the youngest son of the mayor and prolific gossip, we have three individuals who are suspects due to motive, and one individual who is a suspect due to violently sociopathic tendencies:

- Alric Sunrise, a Quel'dorei who has long believed, loudly and adamantly, that the breastplate of Princess Ariel Sunstrider (owned at the time by the deceased), belongs back with his people, and that he will do anything to see it so restored.

- Jon Gerard, political rival of the mayor, purportedly infamous for trying to do anything and everything he can to destabilize and defame the mayor, including a failed attempt last month to implicate him in adultery.

- The widow Jess Burton, owner of a small, local history museum fallen on hard times since the Scourge, who is believed by Norma Sanford to want to anything she can to get the breastplate into her museum to save it. A secondary motive, according to Norma, is an intense infatuation with the deceased, one that may have driven her to kill due to the number of times he's jilted her and spurned her advances.

- Lisa Stanley, a sociopath feared locally for her violent tendencies and her complete lack of care about the physical and emotional pain she inflicts upon others. Tortured as a young girl by the Scarlet Crusade, having watched the rest of her family die from the same, she escaped the Scarlet Monastery and returned to her hometown of Hearthglen, where she grew up traumatized enough to brutally attack her classmates in school for no apparent reason. Enlisted in the Alliance army at fifteen after quitting school, where she was dishonorably discharged for slowly and brutally killing her foes, as well as being suspect in the mysterious disappearances of her rivals within the ranks. Now a constant headache for the Hearthglen guards, Lisa introduced herself to the Whitewind Company and associated contractors by way of violent words and actions after hearing Norma Sanford tell our group about her.

Important note: Lady Nah believes that, due to the messy, amateur nature of the murder, someone trained in combat like Lisa Stanley is likely not the killer. So, unless the eighteen stab wounds were Lisa using her training to know where not to stab to prolong a gruesome murder, I believe we can reasonably assume the murderer is not this young woman.

It is my plan that, upon return to Hearthglen, we visit Constable Alan Davis to discuss our next steps in the investigation. Bring your thinking caps! Good luck!

------------

That’s it! I hope we are able to get back to the case next week, before the killer can escape town and/or kill again! We’ve got to stop them!

As far as Celeste’s plan for the sha of misfortune, it all comes down to Fo Fook, the hozen I’ve written about recently that manifested the sha of misfortune to begin with when he encountered a string of bad luck. He trapped it in that jade monkey statue idol thingy, locked it in a chest, and chucked it into a river in the Jade Forest, and finding that thing gave Celeste and I more than our own fair share of bad luck! Now Celeste plans to reverse the process that manifested it in the first place: convince Fo Fook he’s lucky after all!

A warm, gentle breeze blew across the balcony of the House-On-The-Spire this morning, bringing the scent of the ocean and jungle flowers with it. I had made coffee and was taking it out to Celeste, who was leaning against the railing looked down at Turtle Bay and the Angler’s Wharf nearby. She slowly sipped her coffee and seemed focused on her thoughts, not noticing me when I arrived with Dordy and a fresh refill for her mug.

I slipped in behind Celeste, placing my coffee and my Sun's on the patio table and slipping my arms around Celeste's waist from behind. Silently, I looked out at the wonderful view of our home's surroundings with Celeste with my chin resting on Celeste's left shoulder. Dordy wiggled in between both ourr feet, sitting down and staring through the railing as well. Together, we enjoyed that warm, gentle, tropical breeze in peace. It was so nice!

“You know,” Celeste spoke up eventually, leaning her head against mine. “I’m trying to imagine a different life. Maybe we settled down in Ironforge or Feralas or Darkshire. Those are all great places that I love, but this place really hits the heart, y’know?”

"Oh, yes," I said quietly, giving a happy sigh and leaning my head against Celeste's in return. "There's something about Pandaria that makes it like... it's kinda like the outside world goes on pause and you just... relax, and recover, while you're here."

“Yeah,” Celeste replied, “though speaking of relaxing, I think we need to get this sha of misfortune thing settled once and for all. I’m thinking we get the Anglers to set up a fishing contest. We put the idol in the Dancer with us and Fo Fook. I can remove most mechanical things that can break, but all we need to do is convince our hozen friend that he isn’t unfortunate and the sha should dissipate. So, we could hide a charm of good fortune in a fishing hat we give to him, hide the idol from view, and maybe even find his lucky lure. With the help of the others, if he should win and we show him the sha was there all along, he won’t believe its influence is so powerful anymore. It’s a bit of a deception on our part, but it’s for a good cause. Whaddaya think?” Celeste explained her plan, gesturing towards the wharf all the while and getting more and more animated. Dordy, feeling her energy, barked and hopped in place after wiggling out from between our feet.

I shifted my weight from one foot to the next, back and forth, fidgeting awkwardly. Eventually, she began to speak, slowly and thoughtfully.

"I... think that's a really intelligent idea..." I said slowly. "I feel bad not entirely being honest with him, but, in the grand scheme of things, it's going to get the sha of misfortune to dissipate, which will help Fo Fook, help us, and help anyone who would otherwise come across it in the future if we simply hid it away like he did. So... yeah, I suppose we should do it! I think the only hard parts will be talking him into going with us, and especially finding his lucky lure. How do we manage those things?"

“If you’d prefer we be up front about the sha right away, we could try that. I don’t mean to be deceitful, but Fo Fook made the Sha manifest because he believed he was very unlucky. He might not accept having its influence unless it’s after the fact. Still, I understand your point. Let’s just be up front about it. It won’t be hard, I think, to get him on the Dancer. It’s the biggest, most stable boat here. We can make the contest about fishing something that isn’t easy to catch from shore. Like mantis shrimp, or a gourami.”

“I got him talking more about his lucky lure. He lost it to a giant paddlefish in the Krasarang river, near the pond with the waterfall. If the fish is still there, it’ll likely have migrated to the pond where the water is deeper and prey is plentiful. I think we can try just looking underwater for a fish with a lure in its mouth. It’ll be old by now, but we might get lucky. I could ask Penny to help me rig up a metal detector on the Dancer too.”

"Hmmm..." I mused. "I... think it will be way, way easier to just trick him. Yet... there's something to be said about what will happen in the long run. Losing the trust of a fellow angler, if he were to find out one day that he was tricked, would be sad. And yeah, good idea on the set-up for the contest!"

"That lucky lure sounds much more promising now! How will we catch it? Like, what if we fish for paddlefish and just keep getting other paddlefish instead? How do we get that one specifically, if the metal detector even helps us find it?"

“Oh!” Celeste said animatedly. “I was planning on telling him the idol was hidden next to him all along right after the contest. It’s integral to my plan, that he realizes he managed even with the sha next to him. It’s the only way he’ll believe it doesn’t have a hold on him.”

Celeste then stared at the distant waterfall in the Krasarang jungle, seeming thinking about the fish problem, as she brought that up next.

“You’re right. Just finding the fish doesn’t mean that’s the one that’ll bite. I don’t want to empty the whole pond of fish either. We need a way to subdue it. It’s been living with that lure for years; I think it earned some respect. I’ll see if I can make something to net it or tranquilize it. Just enough to get that lure and maybe heal it if we have to hurt it to get it out.”

Still holding Celeste from behind and leaning my head on Celeste's, I turned to smile at my Catch and plant a kiss on her cheek, admiring my love's ingenuity once again.

"Maybe a dive in the lake,” I mused, “someone operating the metal detector, and a tranquilizing dart from your rifle? We'd have to figure out how to make it shoot underwater. We'd likely have to forego the Dordy bubble, of course, much to the little guy's disappointment, or he'll scare our target fish away. Then, with this lure, and your hidden monkey statue idea, I think this will really work on Fo Fook!"

“I’ll use the harpoon gun on the Dancer,” Celeste decided. “I’ll just modify the bore for a smaller caliber and reduced pressure. I’ll check Mother’s notebooks for something to slow down that fish and maybe heal the lure wound. Both of those would have to be hydrophobic, or they’ll just get diluted in the water. We might have to bring the fish to the surface though, to be able to work on it. That means a stretcher and winch off the side of the dancer…”

Celeste turned and faced me with a smile.

“Looks like I have my work cut out for me. I have a lot on my plate. I promise you a relaxing trip, just the three of us, once this sha is gone.”

”Alright,” I said, perking up with the idea of a relaxing trip with Celeste and Dordy. “I'll let you and Penny work on the advanced stuff while I just hit my diary. You've got some really great ideas though! Most of that is going to be over my head with my novice engineering. I think she should be over in a while!"

After that I just spent the first part of the morning with some quality time with Celeste, then, when Penny came over, Celeste and I put on some work clothes and flew the MUTT down with my diary stuff, some drinks, snacks, tools, and hardware for the morning’s projects, and got to work. I helped install the winch and stretcher on the side, but beyond that, the engineering work was a good bit beyond my ken, so I left Celeste and Penny to it while I just make this quick entry. They should have things figure out soon and be getting started, at which point I’ll be a helper and try to learn more engineering stuffs. That’ll be fun! I can’t wait to see how it goes! And I’m antsy to get this mystery solved! I also can’t wait to get back to playing Deathrolls again! We’ll see how the week goes next week! YAY!

Nat hurried to finish off her writing, eager to get back to the engineering work now that it seemed Penny and Celeste were done with making their plans and were ready to get things put together. She tapped off the excess ink from her quill and replaced it in her quill case, closing that and her inkwell. Returning these to her pack, she went for the large thermos of coffee and refilled her and Celeste’s mugs, as well as Penny’s tiny one, then got a refill of fresh water in Dordy’s bowl at the back of the boat. Returning to her diary and finding the ink on the pages dry, she closed it and returned that to her pack as well. Returning to the pilot’s console, she volunteered her services. Novice engineer reporting for duty, Captain!

The work went smoothly, but there was still a lot to be done. Thus it was that the harpoon gun was retooled for a lower velocity, reduced pressure, and lower caliber. It would later be coated with a tranquilizer of Eowithiel’s own design, made from herbs that were, fortunately, already picked and growing in the second sub-level of the House-On-The-Spire. Then it was time for lunch, ordering take-out from the Anglers Wharf inn, a treat of grilled salmon sandwiches and clam chowder with fresh-baked buttered bread and Stormstout Brewery brews, eaten on the comfortable Wave Dancer. Bellies full and energy levels high, the trio (and a stuffed, waddling Dordy) returned to work.

The most complicated task was now ahead. Rigging up a metal detector from spare parts, wiring it up, and having the graph paper display rigged up right next to the sonar display at the pilot’s station, then testing it to calibrate it until it worked, was a project they could only begin today, and might well take some or all of the weekend, with more visits from Penny throughout. Still, the three of them worked through the afternoon and early evening, Nat learning about wiring up circuitry as she follow instructions from Celeste and Penny. A significant start was made by the time they called it a day, with the half-finished mechanism lying strewn about the length of the Wave Dancer. Completion, installation, and testing of the system would have to wait for tomorrow.

For now, Celeste and Nat said their goodbyes to Penny, thanking her for great work and even better company before all returned to their respective homes. That evening, while getting ready for bed, Celeste used her mother’s notebooks to brew the tranquilizer potion she’d put on the tip of the harpoon for the big fish with Fo Fook’s lucky lure lodged in its mouth. With any luck, all the additions to the boat and Celeste’s new potion would all work as planned, and they’d be ready to fish with Fo Fook quite soon! The week may have been devoid of much action, but the coming week was shaping up to be quite interesting!

[Natasha Ebonlocke]

March the Ninth

The thick jungle canopy of the Krasarang Wilds was generally impenetrable by the sun, save for the odd pond or small lake. In those cases, the tropical sun illuminated the sparkling water with slanted beams of light that sparkled brilliantly off of the rippling surface, the beads of water spraying from the impact of the waterfalls, and the occasional butterfly or other insect whose exoskeletons and wings refracted light in every direction. These warm pools were perfect for sustaining the rich life of the Wilds, an ecosystem contained within an ecosystem, full of plants, fish, insects, birds, and the odd visiting land creature visiting for water.

They also made for the most perfect swimming holes!

Celeste, with a water-breathing spell from Nat and wearing a blue bikini with fish, shellfish, and fishhooks on it, was swimming with Dordy underwater, who was in his Dordy Bubble. Nat, wearing her favorite purple Shal’dorei silk bikini, the one given to her by her best friend in all the world, the Lady Nahlia “Nah” Lifebloom. Worn out from a game of chase she and Celeste had been playing with Dordy in his bubble along the bottom of the brilliantly-illuminated pond, she was currently lying on the sandy shore on her picnic blanket. Sprawled out around her were her diary, open to the next blank page, her uncapped inkwell of purple ink, her opened cherrywood quill case, and thermoses of cold lemonade for her and Celeste, as well as a bowl of purified water for Dordy. All was brought in on the Flying Nosebleed, landed skillfully on its seaplane pontoons on the far side of the little lake from the waterfall by Celeste.

Turning her ravenfeather quill idly in her fingers, Nat smiled through the surface of the water while Dordy swam circles around Celeste, inaudibly barking at her through the water, getting close, letting Celeste nearly catch him, then working the pedals he was trained to use to quickly dart away from her again. The game of Chase was still on, and Celeste, far more athletic than Nat, was still feeling energetic enough to grin and continue chasing their beloved pet through the depths of the pool. Giggling as Dordy darted away once more, only this time to bounce off an outcropping of sandy pond floor and right into Celeste’s arms, Nat dipped her quill for some ink, tapped off the excess, and began to write.

Dear diary,

Gosh, what a week! I’ve gotten a lot done this time! We still have yet to return to Hearthglen, and I worry that we’ll never get the case solved in time for it not to go cold, but I still had other adventures, and Deathrolls was back on again this week!

Yesterday morning, Celeste and I set out into the Krasarang Wilds to find that “lucky fishing lure” of that hozen Fo Fook, the one he lost when he first began to think he was unlucky, before the sha of misfortune manifested itself from him.

It was early morning, and our good friend Penelope Boltbucket, the mechagnome, was with us! The Wave Dancer was bobbing in the waves created by the waterfall as it splashed noisily into the pond. Everything aboard was coated in a fine mist; even Dordy slowly steamed as he watched what was going on underneath the boat.

“Alright Penny!” Celeste shouted over the roar of the waterfall. “Keep the Dancer close to that signal. It’s moving so we very likely found our fish!”

Celeste, wearing a pink bikini decorated with yellow bananas, checked the harpoon gun and carefully loaded a dart with a drop of sleeping agent (crafted carefully using the notes from her mother’s notebooks) in the tip. The dart was designed so that, once the dart hit its target, the velocity of the shot should force a piston inside the dart to push forwards, injecting the dose in the fish. That was the theory, at least. Celeste had found the design in the book on fishing related engineering that I gave her this past Winter Veil! I’m really glad she’s getting so much use out of it!

The gun ready and the tank of compressed air filled and secured to the side of the gun, Celeste moved to the edge of the boat. She handed her soggy, wide-brimmed hat to me and gave me a kiss.

“I’m ready for the water breathing spell,” she said. “I’ll just come back up if I need another. With the weighted net we spread across the river’s mouth leading out of the pond, the fish can’t escape anyways, so there’s no rush. I’ll signal for you to drop the stretcher for the fish once I know I have the right one. Hopefully my aim underwater is good. At least I have extra darts. Wish me luck!”

"Good luck!" said Penny and I in unison, as I bestowed a water-breathing spell upon Celeste. I beamed at Celeste as she gave me a confident grin before disappearing beneath the water.

"Okay, I see Celeste," Penny said, pointing at the display on the metal detector. "This metal here is her gun. This dot over here is the fish we believe to have Fo Fook's lucky lure. Celeste should get her bearings shortly – I bet it's disorienting for a moment to go underwater and immediately try to regain your sense of direction. We'll see how she does under there!"

I listened to Penny, who immediately began a play-by-play analysis of what she was seeing on the monitor, making the dots on the screen far more real for me. Penny's unfortunately cheap, under-upgraded, exposed, robotic skeleton limbs clicked and whirred as they moved with short, jerky, rapid, precise movements as she pointed and gestured. Her dirty-blonde ponytail bounced along as animatedly as Penny did herself, and together, the two of us watched Celeste Versus Fish in the water.

Celeste told us later that the noise of the waterfall and the sounds of the jungle dulled considerably once Celeste was underwater.

With the goggles she wore, she had a clear view of the pond and the many fish that swam around it. She loves being underwater, loves the silent life that went on around her, the colors of the fish and the way the morning sun’s rays made the water shimmer.

She had a mission, though, and looked around for the telltale flash of sunlight in metal, hoping to see the fish with the lure.

Above her, the Dancer moved closer to the waterfall, following the fish she was looking for. Dordy barked at her as she swam underneath and she paused to swim just underneath the glass to smile up at him.

She turned back to face the front of the ship and suddenly saw a flash if light! There! A large paddlefish, easily as long as she was, lazily swam in a circle beneath the waterfall. The old fish was undoubtedly wise enough to simply wait for food to fall over it then chase after it in the pond.

Celeste switch the safety off on her harpoon gun. Unexpectedly, a large stream of bubble hissed out of the rifle’s bore. The fish, startled, swished its tail and swam away from her.

Celeste swam up to the surface and used the ladder on the side of the Dancer to climb high enough to bring her gun over the side. She stayed half submerged with her arms folded on the side of the boat.

“There’s a leak in the air line. Could you guys take a look? It’s probably just a loose seal,” she said, and raised her goggles. Dordy promptly went to lick her face, making her giggle.

I was startled to see Celeste suddenly break for the surface and climb aboard, then, upon hearing what the issue was, immediately went to the rifle to look, smiling over at Dordy's reunion with Celeste.

"Oh, you're right, Celeste," I said. "There IS a leak! Gosh, I hope this isn't the sha of misfortune's fault... I think Penny can fix it with that welding torch in her finger. Just a light touch of flame to fix it back. Think that'll work?"

“Yeah that should do it,” Celeste confirmed. “The fish swam away. We’ll need to find it again, though it’s quite large, so that will make it easier. I checked the seals myself; I wouldn’t be surprised if it was the sha, but if that’s all it’s causing so far, then I’d say we’re off to a good start.”

"Should we get our elder charms of good fortune before you go down again, then?” I asked. “And is that jade monkey still locked away in that trillium box?"

“The idol is in the box,” Celeste nodded. “It’s currently tied to a buoy about half a mile off shore, where it’s influence will be far away. Here, hand me one of the charms. I’ll thread the strap of my goggles through it so it’ll stay with me in the water.”

"Okies!" I said, grabbing TWO charms for good measure and bringing them to Celeste. "Good luck down there! I hope you're able to get that fish this time!"

Celeste waited until Penny fixed the gun, then dropped into the water with it once more. She stayed at the surface, tested the gun, then gave Penny and I a thumbs-up before diving back down. As before, she waited until the Dancer started moving in a specific direction before turning to follow it. She spotted the large fish easily: it was swimming in place underneath a patch of large water lilies. It was probably a reflex to hide in their shadows after being startled.

Celeste swam slowly, as close as she dared, then, once again, unlocked the safety and aimed down the barrel of the gun. She pulled the trigger. There came a hiss and the dart streamed out of the gun, leaving a thin trail of bubbles behind. When the bubbles finally drifted to the surface, Celeste saw her target had drifted to the bottom of the pond. Its gills still worked reflexively, but the dark spot in its side attested to Celeste’s good aim. She quickly swam back to the surface and gestured for Penny to pilot the boat closer.

“I got it!” she exulted. “It’s just underneath those lilies. Bring the Dancer closer so we can lower the stretcher and get that lure out safely!”

"I'm on it!" squeaked Penny in her little voice, her tiny metal skeleton limbs deftly maneuvering the controls of the Wave Dancer as I cheered at my Sun for her great shot. Penny got the boat turned toward the lilies and turning alongside the lilies with the starboard side, where the winch was. She skillfully got the boat to a stop exactly at the lilies, then her tiny metallic hands swapped quickly to the winch controls. Crankcrankcrankcrankcrankcrankcrank went the winch!

I moved to the boat's bottom, peering down on all fours through the see-through surface, easily visible to Celeste in my purple Shal'dorei silk bikini next to the brilliantly orange Dordy. Flashing Celeste a thumbs-up of my own, I watched to see Celeste bring the fish onto the winch's stretcher.

Celeste swam to the boat to leave the gun there, then wasted no time in getting the fish in the stretcher. This was made from large textile bands and easily slung underneath the shovel-mouth fish. She waved hi to Dordy and I through the bottom of the boat, then gestured for the stretcher to be pulled up.

I watched Celeste closely from the boat's bottom, peering again through the see-through surface to keep an eye on Celeste. When Celeste gave the wave, I looked up to Penny at the controls.

"She's ready!" I announced. "Stretcher up!"

"Right away!" Penny nodded, quickly reversing the winch to draw the stretcher back up. When it broke the surface, she secured it in place, and I asked Celeste, "How do we get the fish from there to the Wave Dancer?"

“We’re not bringing it onboard,” Celeste explained. “I don’t want to suffocate the fish. We’ll leave it just near the surface and I can work on it easily there. Move the Dancer closer to shore so I can stand on the bottom of the pond, Penny. Then I’ll need your help, Nat, for some careful surgery!”

Celeste shoved off the boat to let Penny move the Dancer. Once the side with the stretcher was closer to shore, Celeste moved closer to the fish. It was now half-submerged in waist-high water, allowing Celeste to work without having to swim at the same time.

“Okay, let’s see what we have…” Celeste said thoughtfully as she examined the fish. “Nat, could you hand me the bag with my tools and the healing potions please?” she asked next, smiling at me and reaching over the fish to pat Dordy on the head. The curious pup had his front paws on the side of the boat and was stretching his neck to sniff the fish.

I smiled back at Celeste after I was done blushing at my empty-headed notion of bringing the fish out of the water to help it get the lure free. I moved to get the tools and healing potions as requested. As an added measure, I brought Eowithiel's notebooks as well, in case reference was wanted. The notebooks went onto my purple chair, and the tools and potions were handed overboard to my Sun.

I kept an extra eye on Dordy to make sure he wasn't too rough with the fish, then watched carefully, ready to lend a hand to Celeste if requested.

Penny, meanwhile, manned the controls, holding the boat as perfectly still in the water as she could against the current and the ripples made by the waterfall.

Celeste was careful to keep the fish’s gills under water as she inspected it. Finding no lure immediately visible, she gently opened the fish’s wide mouth and peered inside.

“Found it,” she announced soon after. “The fish almost swallowed it. It’s near the gills, and it made a mess over time, but the wounds the hooks made are well healed. Unfortunately, there’s tissue growth around it, so I’ll have to cut it out. Thankfully, we have the healing potions. Let’s see… a good sharp knife… some thread and a needle…”

Celeste asked my help in keeping the fish’s mouth open as she reached in with a small but razor sharp stiletto.

“Cutting it out now… sorry sorry sorry! Just a bit more… there!”

Celeste retracted her hand. It was covered in blood, but in it she held a jade fishing lure. It was in the shape of a suncrawler, one of the colorful bugs from the jungle like the ones that light up on our veranda! There seemed to be wings attached to it at some point but only tiny stubs remained. She handed it across the railing to me.

“Careful,” she warned me as she passed the lure across, “those hooks aren’t as sharp as they once were, but still dangerous. Pass me a healing potion when you’re ready.”

I did my best to hold the fish's mouth open, squeaking and squealing and goshing all the while. When Celeste finally got the lure out, I cheered, then boggled at the beautiful lure with wide eyes

"Gosh!" I goshed. "That's one seriously pretty lure! I wonder who crafted this? Maybe we can get him to spill the beans and get a few ourselves!"

I placed the lure safely in Penny's metal hands, who wrapped it in a small cloth and stowed it in Celeste's pack for her. Meanwhile, I was grabbing a healing potion and passing it over to Celeste.

"Here you go!" I said as I handed the small red bottle over the side to my Catch. "I hope the big guy is okay when he wakes up!"

Celeste reached over and took the healing potion, uncorked it, and reached into the fish’s mouth with the vial. After a moment, she frowned a bit and retracted her hand.

“Nat, you’ll have to do it,” Celeste declared. “It’ll be easier on your end if you pour the potion through the gill aperture. Here, I’ll try turning the fish a bit. There’s damage near the gills I’m hoping to fix this way.”

Celeste reached around the fish and slowly tilted it until it was on its side. Once I dripped the potion on the fish’s gills, Celeste brought it back upright and slowly moved it back and forth to bring oxygenated water to its gills and coax it back awake. It took a while, but finally, the fish gave a sudden jerk of its tail and swam off!

“I think it’ll be just fine,” Celeste said as she climbed back onboard. “Good job girls! It’s a perfect day to enjoy the pond and the river if you guys want to go for a swim. Later on I’ll bring that lure to the workshop and maybe see if we can repair it.”

I was so happy to have gotten to help heal the fish, cheering when it woke up and swam off to return to its happy home! I availed myself of the pond at Celeste's suggestion, as I was already in my bikini. Penny showed off another useful facet of Mechagnome upgrades... hands that spin around like propellers for fast swimming! Dordy, finally able to use his bubble, enjoyed the swim as well. It was a great way to celebrate finding the lure!

Now we’re back for another swim! We’ve spotted the big paddlefish again: it’s back to hanging out beneath that waterfall, waiting for food to come. He’s happy, healthy, and whole again, and probably feels a lot better without that lure embedded in its cheek! Yay for him!

Then Tuesday was DEATHROLLS! I was too tired that evening to play, but I still wanted to at least attend, so I went to go tend the bar while Jaslyn “Jazz” Summersong, the red-headed Quel’dorei that played for me a month or more back that ended up leaving the game with Grim that time, played in my place again this time. We got to play at that really cool bar on the island beach off the west coast of Stormsong Valley for the first time in a long time! It was me tending the bar, Jazz playing in my place, my good buddy Grimmie, Maya, Lora, and a new friend, someone that Maya and Lora work with named Winnie, a human lady who’s a veterinary doctor, that I just got to meet for the first time ever! My bestie Nah couldn’t make it that night, as she was feeling a bit under the weather.

Jazz was running a smidgen late, so I brought everyone inside and got them to a good table by the fireplace, and we were about to get started, when we heard an elven woman’s voice with a Wildhammer dwarf accent from outside yelling from somewhere high in the sky and constantly getting closer, “It ain’t nae Deathrolls game without meeeeeee! INCOMIIIIIINNNNNNNN’!” and we heard the screech of a dragonhawk, one of those little draconic sky serpents with the broad, long, flat wings and sharp beak, and then the plunk of steel on boardwalk as someone dismounted and began thunking their way inside.

There, in the doorway, stood what looked to be a tiny troll berserker!

I burst out laughing while the others gasped in alarm. A plate helmet looking like a skull with a too-large jagged grin, shoulderguards with skulls on spikes sticking out of them, and generally troll-like tiki armor covered in skulls stood in the doorway, with twin axes that looked like they were made from the skulls of some large animal. If I didn’t know it was Jazz, I would have been horrified too!

Jazz gave a mischievous laugh from inside her helm, leaped up onto a neighboring table, and took off the skull from her head. Shaking out her long, shiny, silky red hair, she grinned mischievously at the table, who were now eyeing the sheer amount of blood that was splattered over her armor and caked to the blades of her axes.

”Wot?” Jazz asked. “Don’t ye like me trophies?”

Jazz had, in fact, looted the armor she wore from trolls to wear as trophies, having had a gnome use some sort of weird gadget to shrink it down to her size. It was actually pretty impressive, once you got over the shock of it all!

Jazz announced that she was late because she was having fun in the forests of Quel’dorei “hackin’ trolls apart,” one of her favorite pastimes. The Amani trolls had given the Quel’dorei trouble for settling in their lands for thousands of years, and Jazz loves to visit swift retribution upon them with little or no warning as a result.

She hopped off the table next, rolling the initiative rolls with the rest to see who goes first, then headed around the corner to change. When the group announced it was her roll, she came back, half-undressed, completely defeating the purpose of going around the corner to change to begin with! I blushed and averted my eyes, grateful that she still, at least, had pants and her… upper smallclothes on, at least. Our newcomer Winnie was totally taken aback at Jazz’s brashness, not quite able to find words. Oh gosh! Then she went back to continue changing, returning shortly thereafter in normal clothes, her hair perfect as usual, not looking or smelling at all like she’d just been in another huge fight with trolls.

Right off the bat, right off the very first round of rolls, our newcomer Winnie rolled a sixty-nine. Oh gosh! According to our rules, that means she has to point out someone she’d do that with… goodness gracious… and she said if she had to choose, she’d choose our troll slayer! My gosh, how Jazz smirked! Then Winnie rolled a one, and Jazz a twenty out of twenty on the Truth or Dare rolls, which means she gets to choose Truth or Dare FOR Winnie! So of course she chose DARE! She stalked around Winnie, who was grinning and leaning back in her seat, awaiting her fate. She thought aloud, considering removing Winnie’s clothing (GOSH!), or making her sing, but she said both had been done too much. She then decided to make Winnie get up on the table and act like a MONKEY for the next three rounds! HA! Then, the very next round, Winnie rolled ANOTHER roll of one, AND Maya rolled a one on the Truth or Dare rolls, and then Jazz rolled ANOTHER twenty out of twenty, so she got to choose Truth or Dare for them BOTH! Goodness gracious! Lora immediately inspected Jazz’s dice, surprised to see that they were not loaded! Meanwhile, Jazz’s Dare for Winnie and Maya was for Maya to spend the remaining two rounds of Winnie’s monkey Dare (of which she was doing a great job, carousing on the table, making monkey noises, scratching her rear, sticking her hand in her armpit and then shoving it under Maya’s nose… gosh!) as a giraffe, and she and Winnie had to be giraffe and monkey, annoying the heck outta each other! Maya kept imitating a giraffe eating Maya’s hair, and Winnie pretended to climb up Maya the Giraffe like the monkey she was! HA! It was good for a couple of rounds! Meanwhile I was bringing Jazz a pint of dwarven stout and Lora a spiked lemonade, per their requests. And then Jazz got ANOTHER TWENTY on the Truth or Dare rolls, this time with Grim rolling the roll of one! She went over to him and began to whisper… Oh gosh, Whisper Dare! She then smirked, strutting back to her seat while looking over her shoulder with a seductively mischievous grin on her face at Grim. Grim’s eyes followed the strutting elf all the way back to her seat, and the rolls began anew. Once again, Jazz found herself with a victim, and once again, it was Grim. Grim opted for a Truth this time, and Jazz had him fessing up to the most public place he’d ever… erm… spent quality time with a girl. I was not expecting Grim to name more than one! Shamelessly, Grim mentioned the pool in the old Park district before it became Lion’s Rest, as well as several other locations in Stormwind. Goodness gracious, Grimmie! Finally, for the first time the whole game so far, someone besides Jazz won the Truth or Dare rolls. He got Maya as a victim, so he had her go and give Lora a nice neck rub. Maya, of course, didn’t mind at all, but Lora wasn’t looking too pleased about it! Then Lora Dared Grim to sit behind Jazz and give her a nice ear (?!) massage, but, at some point before the round ended, he had to give her a WET WILLY! EWWWW! Jazz snickered, hopping up to let Grim sit and then draping herself luxuriously into Grim’s lap, really seeming to enjoy that ear massage, and then, at the wet willy, she was like, “GAH! Ya big galoot!” and said that between the wet willy and what was poking her in the rear, it was back to his seat with him! Goodness gracious! But, on his way back to his seat, Grim stopped by Maya’s seat at the table, picked up his foot and stomped his big foot on the table, untying his boot and reaching one lace up to Maya’s hair. He tied his boot to Maya’s head by her hair! Then he started MOOING at her! “MOOOOOOO! Moo moo moo moo moo moo moo MOOOOO! MOOMOOMOO! Mooooooo!” He was mooing at Maya like a hyperactive COW with his boot tied to her head! Everyone was SO confused! It was SO FUNNY! Maya, however, didn’t miss a beat! She simply started talking back to Grim by making dolphin noises! It was a full-blown conversation! Jazz was laughing so hard, she was slumped over on the table, pounding it with her tiny fist! This went on at length, with Grim’s and Maya’s voice tones sounding like making statements, asking and answering questions, and so on. It was so weird! Finally, Maya swapped back to Common, saying, “Right, so I can get you the money, and you can just get it to me next week.” Jazz then recovered herself enough to say, “Aye, Whisper Dare complete,” and then everyone was like, “Ooooooh, okay!” I love the confusion that random, delayed Whisper Dares create! It’s so funny and fun! Grim went back to his seat after that… which is to say that he sat back down in Jazz’s chair with Jazz in his lap again! Geez! Then Lora lost the next round, but Maya said she had to go by this point, though, and was ready for the Million-Die Roll, so Jazz, who won the Truth or Dare roll, simply Dared Lora to join in the next round’s Truth or Dare. So, the Million-Die Roll wound its way down from one million, then who else should lose the Dare but LORA, who was supposed to be joining in someone else’s Truth or Dare! She can’t join her own self, and Maya won the Truth or Dare roll, and Grim rolled a one as well, that just left Jazz out. Lora was supposed to be joining in on someone else’s Truth or Dare, so I was going to rule that that would be Jazz, but then I figured that that wouldn’t be fair to Lora, who had actually rolled the one, so I reversed it. Jazz would have to join in on Lora’s Truth or Dare choice. Grim as well, since he rolled the one. I didn’t know how to reason Jazz into it properly, really, but I figured that, since it was Maya’s last round (Winnie had to leave after the first hour for a meeting), no one should be left out! So, Lora decided to go Dare, and Maya got to spend her last round Daring the three of them to lean in close around the table as Lora chose a hand. Oh no, the Maya trick flower Dare! Lora chose the right hand, and Maya turned the flower, drawn up by her druidic powers, loose upon the group. POOF! SNEEZE FLOWER! Five whole minutes of a sneezy table! I’m so glad I was all the way over at the bar! Maya made her exit with all the sneezy people behind her, and, when things finally settled down, the game got going again. From there, things settled down, and it was largely just Truths about personal history. We learned a lot about Lora, how she became the captain of the Leeward Pauper ship, and of the Leeward Paupers mercenary band: she’d been at Theramore when the mana bomb went off that destroyed it, she and the Seventh Marine regiment of Theramore safe in the swamp working on a task when the city blew up behind them. After that, they began making their own way as mercenaries, eventually choosing a name for themselves, and then acquiring a ship. There were lots of personal stories shared in a rather calm and serious game beyond that point, until eventually people got sleepy and wanted to hit the hay. I was getting sleepy myself, so we called it a night. Gosh, the laughs I had that night! I LOVE Deathrolls!

Then last night, I was gonna take the group back to Hearthglen to continue on the murder mystery, but, yet again, the weekly adventure was called off due to attendance (or lack thereof). It’s always so hard to get the weekly adventure going! It’s always Wednesday that everyone happens to have something come up and not be able to go!

I was lamenting the fact, deciding to move from Stormwind to Lakeshire to visit friends there in a more calm, peaceful setting to recover from being sad, when suddenly, the Lakeshire town warning bells began to toll! I ran into Dame Annabelle Baker, and her friend Sir Audric, who now work for Greyridge County, the Quicksilver Company having dispersed and moved somewhere else under different leadership. Mags is now countess of Greyridge by birth, and Anna is a leader under the Light, and Sir Audric a stalwart defender. I ended up going with the two to answer the call of the warning bells, finding myself shuffling off with a large military force to the Burning Steppes, through the big gates that keep orcs out at the Redridge Mountain border, and marching right up to Morgan’s Vigil to the east, high up in the mountains along the southern border of the Steppes. Anna and Audric explained along the way that it had taken two battles to wrest control of the outpost from the orcs again, the battles having come recently, and now, it seemed, it was soon to be under attack again! Orc warlocks had been spotted massing in the huge hill across the dry, dusty, ashen plains from Morgan’s Vigil, and orc warriors, many of whom were mounted on worgs, were massing at the base of it! It looked like I was getting an adventure this week after all, thanks to my friends Anna and Audric of Greyridge!

Sir Audric directed the set-up of the defenses, with sharpshooters behind rocks all through the peaks around the outpost, footmen formed up in a defensive line in front of the gate, himself at the front, and Dame Annabelle and I behind him. Anna looked startled to see me using warlock magics, but accepted it. If Sir Audric was startled, he hid it well. But yeah, I had my summoning gear on by then, thanks to my charm bracelet, and Mek-barash was out doing his wrathguard thing. Gosh, I was nervous… I’d never been in a whole heckin’ BATTLE before! But I knew Sir Audric and Dame Annabelle would keep me safe, as would the Greyridge militia holding Morgan’s Vigil!

The orcs began charging up the hill, their cavalry coming in first. Snarling worgs with snapping jaws and snarling orcs with steel in their hands came at the footmen, but the riflemen were picking them off as they charged, reducing their numbers that the orcs, attacking a target with the high ground, were unable to accomplish much. I brought in an additional felguard, and the two that my minions were fighting, already injured from Sir Audric and Dame Annabelle attacking them valiantly with sword and shield, fell from twin overhand, downward swings of heavy battleaxes from wrathguard and felguard, split cleanly in two. It was SO GROSS! Yet one must admit, orcs look better this way, less gross than they were before!

The next wave advanced… but first, a whole STORM of arrows came from the big huge hill across the way! I ducked behind the broad post of the wooden gate, safe from the arrows, though two of them got Sir Audric! There were also felfire bolts incoming a couple of times, and the first time, I had my warlock spell, Unending Resolve, up to stop them, but the second time, the bolts came as I looked around the corner from the gate where I’d taken cover from the arrow storm. My spells protected me from getting wiped out totally, but the bolts still knocked me on my rear! Those things HURT! There was a mage with an arcane barrier up over the outpost that stopped it being totally demolished by the bolts, though that didn’t help those of us outside! But I had no time to do more than pop a Healthstone – the next wave had now arrived!

Dust and ash were kicked up as huge, giant orcish berserkers rushed up the path, and boy, did they fight hard! One was slamming Sir Audric around, and really hurt him! Dame Annabelle, being a healer and all, kept him largely on his feet, and Sir Audric was giving as good as he got, pummeling and slashing at his orcish berserker, eventually felling his foe and moving on to help Anna with hers. Together, they brought theirs down, and then a third! The orcish berserkers were slain!

After that came a THIRD wave! This time it seemed to be the reserves or something, orcs wearing a smattering of what looked like looted armor or something, with cheap, crude weapons like cudgels and the like. We were weary and hurt – I myself had taken a huge stone to the sternum from one of the orc berserkers trying to take out the outpost’s warlock – but, with teamwork, we overcame the final wave, Anna keeping us healed and each of us getting the others’ backs! Mek-barash, having already kicked an orc berserker head clear down the mountain that he’d hewed off with his axe, was strangling a final orc, holding it feet off the ground, when Sir Audric and Dame Anna came over to help, taking that orc’s head off as well. It was so NASTY! Mek-barash just kept squeezing the orc’s neck anyway, even though there was no more head on it, squishing out nasty gunk while the orcs broke ranks and fled back to the hill across the way. Mek-barash eventually threw the orc corpse down the mountain at them by the neck, hitting a few of them in the back and causing them to stumble, and that was it! The day was won! WOOHOO!

The Greyridge people got the gate cleared of orc messes and their injured gathered for healing. It was discovered that two of the footmen had fallen in the melee, which was really sad! But Sir Audric said that they knew what they were signing up for when they volunteered for the Greyridge militia, and not to be too sad for their sacrifice. They were really brave guys! Anna got her rosary out and was praying for the Light to heal the injured, and she got the mage that was doing the arcane barrier to open a portal to get them all to safety, and the two fallen footmen out of there as well.

Then it was time to go. Sir Audric said he was going to stay a while, so Dame Annabelle mounted up on her courser. I was going to wave Onyx back down for another ride, but I didn’t want to leave Anna to ride out alone, so I decided to confuse any warlocks watching us ride down the path and back to Redridge by summoning another fel minion of my own… Enkil-belan, my Dreadsteed! That and my felfire summoning gear should give them pause. Was I one of their own? At any rate, they didn’t fire on us as we left!

We made it back to Greyridge, the ridge near Lakeshire overlooking Everstill Lake that, I assume, is named for Mags Grey’s family, without incident. There I used my charm bracelet to swap back to normal clothes, and dismissed Enkil-belan, so I wouldn’t alarm the locals, and said my goodbyes to Anna, thanking her for the adventure and the chance to help out dear friends. After that, I DID wave Onyx down, flying back to Stormwind City for the portal back to Pandaria. It was time to go home and wind down and sleep!

Now I’m back at the little lake with the waterfall pouring into it from the cliff high above, where the water is spilling out from the Valley of the Four Winds. We’re swimming, just the family and I, and we’re letting Dordy get some Bubble time, since he wasn’t able to while we were trying to get that lucky lure back from that fish, as he’d have just scared away the fish. Now he’s burning off all that energy (and all ours!) by playing Chase, getting in tauntingly close, then darting out of our grasp when we make a lunge for him in the water. We’re having FUN!

I feel like I’ve had a nice, long rest writing all this, so now it’s time to get some more swim time in before lunch! It’s such a nice day, after such a nice week! I can’t wait to see if next week is just as loaded with fun! YAY!

Nat smiled at that happy thought, tapping off the excess ink from her quill and returning it to its case. She capped off her inkwell as well, returning the items to her pack and checking her thermos of lemonade and Celeste’s, topping both off and handing Celeste hers as she came ashore and let Dordy out of his bubble. Dordy went straight for his water bowl, his long tongue splashing noisily as it shot out to lap up water at length. Stopping to shake himself out, he next went toward the picnic basket, sniffing at it and looking hopefully up at Celeste and Nat. It looked like lunch before the next swim after all!

Sandwiches of cold cuts, cheeses, lettuce, onion, and tomato were enjoyed (Dordy gobbled his up rather quickly and didn’t slow down for his second one either). When bellies were finally full, Dordy curled up for a nap while Celeste and Nat lounged about, talking about random topics until they felt restless again. The sounds of them getting to their feet woke Dordy, who immediately bounded back toward his Bubble, again looking hopefully. Getting his wish, he was let in by Celeste, who moved him out into the water as she waded in. Dordy dived, and Celeste and Nat dived in after him, fresh water-breathing spells applied. More games of Chase, more exploring with Dordy as he investigated every fish and water plant that moved, more floating lazily at the surface.

Eventually, the little family got tired enough to get out, and they packed their things up, loading them into the Flying Nosebleed’s cargo hold where it still floated on its seaplane pontoons on the water. The flight back to the House-On-The-Spire was quick, and unloading the seaplane was quick as well. Dordy had himself one last game of Chase as Celeste and Nat tried to catch him to get his adorable aviator goggles off, and then it was time for a bath and then dinner and then bed. It had been a fun-filled day, a fun-filled (if tense the previous night) week, and a fun-filled evening!

Nat, now totally worn out, dropped off to sleep with a smile on her face, dreaming already of the fun to come in the week ahead!

[Natasha Ebonlocke]

March the Sixteenth

A frigid wind blew the snow off the trees, cascading down to the deep snow below. The evergreens creaked and groaned as they shook, showing the forest in a blizzard though the skies were blue and the sun was shining. Frigid temperatures kept the snow from melting in the sun, and every tree sparkling like a million diamonds as the sun’s light refracted off the flakes of snow piling up on their branches. It was a forceful windstorm, the kind that drives one inside for a hot meal and hot chocolate!

So it was with Nat, sitting in a mountaineer’s lodge in snowy Dun Morogh with Celeste and Dordy, surrounded by Bronzebeard Mountaineer dwarves as Celeste held court, sharing silly tales of fishing in tropical climates, something the dwarves had never seen. They listened with great interest to Celeste’s tall tales as forked up hot, steamy, delicious pot pies of Dun Morogh boar, the wonderful aroma mixing well with that of the hot chocolate and woodsmoke from the fire, with a bit of pipeweed smoke from the dwarves’ ornate pipes as well.

Nat, having heard these tales before, had her diary out on the table next to her own pot pie. Also present were here inkwell of purple ink and her cherrywood quill case, both opened. Nat was multitasking, eating and drinking with her left hand and preparing to write with her right hand.

Dordy, having gobbled up three personal pot pies already, was doing his fully-belly snooze under the little round table between Nat and Celeste. Nat checked on him, looking under the table and finding him sprawled out on his side, the little molten pup glowing his fiery glow that cast a light even with the fireplace, overhead lantern, and sunshine streaming cheerfully through the windows of the mountaineers’ lodge.

Smiling happily at the beloved pet, Nat dipped her quill for some ink and began to write.

Dear diary,

WOW, what a week it’s been! Adventure! Deathrolls! Markets and fairs! Even snowshoeing! I am having so much fun! A bit of it was sad, but mostly, it’s been an up week!

Celeste surprised me today, taking me out snowshoeing! I’ve never been! We took a portal she conjured up to Ironforge, heading out for a tour of Dun Morogh from the ground, something I’ve never really done before, save riding through it on cleared roads on a mount! It’s been SO GOOD!

Snowshoeing is hard, hard but fun! It’s a lot of work, especially when you’re trying to get through forest of firs and pines and stuff, and all those dang hills! But it’s so exhilarating! I love it!

Dordy is having lots of fun too! It’s so funny, watching hip bounce and hop through the snow, instantly melting every bit of it he touches. It hisses and steams, and when he shakes himself out, the snow is already slushy water as it flies through the air! He’s been having his own adventures too! He keeps finding snow hares and snow rabbits and stuff, chasing them through the snow, yip-yip-yipping every time he finds one, but they’re way faster in the snow than he is! He’s never going to catch one, and I think he probably knows it, but he’s been having a blast trying anyway! He’s so adorable to watch!

We’ve stopped in a dwarven mountaineer’s lodge for lunch, especially since a huge windstorm has picked up and is blasting snow in every direction right now. But we’re nice and warm in the lodge! Boar pot pies, hot cocoa with big dwarven marshmallows in it, shelter from the wind, and a big, huge fire in the fireplace! The dwarves are as warm as the lodge. Their hospitality amazing! So is the price of the food! Half what we’d pay for the same anywhere else, as long as we tell them stories from other places. Ha! Celeste is all to happy to oblige! She’s regaling them with what Other Nat refers to as “fanciful tales” as we speak!

To top it all off today, when we complete our circuit back to Ironforge, we’re gonna stay the night at Celeste’s Uncle Rugnar’s house tonight! WOOHOO! I can’t wait to see him again! It’s always so much fun to hang out with him! I still giggle about the last time we saw him, at home in Pandaria on the morning of the primary day of Winter Veil, with him grumpily wearing that Greatfather Winter suit and hat! HA! It’s going to be a great time!

Then Tuesday was DEATHROLLS! But first, it was time to visit Dame Annabelle’s friend’s stall at this huge annual faire in Uldum! It was me, my bestie Nah, Maya, Lora, and Lora’s good friend Val! We got to go see Anna, and her friend, and close friend of Mags as well, Father Nathan Caldwell, and they were running a stall called Father’s Fixin’s. Sir Audric was there too! It was fun hanging out with the three of them! They’re running it all week! Father’s Fixin’s is the stall I visited at other markets that they did where I got that really yummy pancake melt! I think I’ve written about it before. Father Nate, a worgen priest, made me my usual, that pancake melt. A pancake with cheese, bacon, more cheese, another pancake on top, then a fried egg with the yolk cracked and drizzled on the pancakes gets flopped on top of it! It’s SO GOOD!

I ended up getting one to go, because this night was also their twenty-pancake contest! I saved the melt for lunch the next day, and gave the twenty-pancake contest a shot. Eat twenty, and you get a trophy! Eat at least eight, and you get a prize! I was super hungry, and I eat way more than I should anyway (as evidenced by my embarrassingly plump figure…), so I figured I had a shot! Maya got distracted talking to this weird Vulpera guy, and the others didn’t want to try eating twenty pancakes, so they got normal food and I dug in. I made it all the way to fourteen pancakes before I thought I was gonna bust! I ended up laying down right on the spot, just off to the side of the stall, lying on my back and moaning from being so full. People started gathering around wondering what had happened to me and if I needed a healer… that was SO embarrassing! I could barely move and all I tried to say came out as a full-belly moan, but I eventually managed to reassure everyone that I was okay, and that I had merely eaten too much, and they dispersed. No action or drama to be seen here!

So, with the full belly and not feeling very well, I ended up not actually playing Deathrolls… which we played at the nearby Steam Pools Resort in Feralas! I bartended for the second week in a row, that way I could enjoy the game as a spectator, and mostly just lay there as still as I could. But the game was still fun! My bestie Nah came to sit with me and keep me company while I tended the bar, so it ended up being our old buddy Grimmie, Maya, Lora, her good friend and fellow Quel’dorei Val, that Wildhammer-esque fireball of a Quel’dorei Jazz for the second week in a row, and, coming to her first-ever Deathrolls game, Tashaleth Galewind, that odd hooded woman with the very strange magical powers that helped us chase down one of Nah’s doppelgangers late last year! It’s been a while since I’ve seen or written about her! Gosh, watching her play Deathrolls, she’s even blushier and more shy than I am!

The game kicked off just about as wildly as it possibly could, too: Tasha rolled a One, and then… EVERYone but Lora rolled a One in the Truth or Dare rolls, so Lora got to Truth or Dare the ENTIRE CROWD! It didn’t turn out to be one giant hilarious fiasco of a Dare, however, as Tasha chose Truth, but it was still spicy… Lora asked what was one thing Tasha was glad her mother doesn’t know about her, and that meant that everyone else, having rolled Ones, had to answer as well! Some of the questions were too personal for me to write here for some house visitor to come along and sneak in and read, and Jazz’s answer was FAR too lewd anyway, so I better skip that part… Then Maya got to Dare Jazz and Lora both in one round, so she did her druid thing and produced two flowers, one hidden in each hand. Jazz, roller of the original One that round, was the one Dared to pick a hand, and she chose left. That left Lora with the right hand. Maya said for them both to inhale, then crushed the flowers in her hands, producing lots of powder from the little plants that floated up into their faces. Jazz immediately started sneezing like SO hard! She got the sneeze flower that Maya used last time we played in the Dalaran Beer Gardens! Lora, however, immediately flopped over on her back on the sandy shore of the steam pool we were at, smiling euphorically. Then, without warning, she jumped up and started running around all hyperactive-like on the beach, doing cartwheels and everything! Maya’s flower had made her go all weird and loopy! Oh gosh! Meanwhile, Jazz had been sneezing so hard, she ended up jumping and doing a cannonball into the steal pools to stop! Geez! Then there was a Dare from Tasha to Val in which Val had to do a silly dance. Val ended up doing this kicky-punchy-hitty-looking thing that made us all giggle and laugh. Then Lora Dared Val to pull on Jazz’s ear and call her a dwarf. She shouldn’t have done that… Jazz flipped the tables on Val and made the ear-pulling dirty, pretending to enjoy it... gosh, the noises she was making as Val pulled her ear… and then, when Grim spoke up and said to pull and twist because Jazz likes that, oh, GOSH, I couldn’t even watch anymore! Then Lora rolled a One, and Grim and Val BOTH rolled a twenty out of twenty, and, by rule, instead of the usual roll-off to break the tie, BOTH people get Full Power, so BOTH of them got to choose Truth or Dare FOR Lora! Grim Dared Lora to strip down to her skivvies and run around in view of the Steam Pools Resort staff, screaming, “THE LEGION IS COMING! THE LEGION IS COMING!” Lora, still wonky from Maya’s flower, did exactly that, then finished it off by taking a running sprint into a jump into the steam pool, splashing everyone near! Then Val’s twenty was for Lora to sit in Grim’s lap and stroke his beard, and she was looking at Jazz as she said it. Clearly she was trying to make Jazz jealous! If so, she doesn’t know Jazz! Jazz was roundly entertained by it all, encouraging Lora, egging it on even worse! Val look quite put-out that her plan backfired! Then Jazz got to Dare Tasha and Lora both at once, so she had Tasha go and hit on Val, but the catch was, Lora has to be hitting on Tasha while Tasha hits on Val! Tasha was too shy to do much more than tell Val that her visage was brighter than Thas’alah, and Lora was like, “Verily, you have these… wonderful, dark, besotted, veil of… velvety… hooded… alright, I give up.” Both of them returned to their seats, and that was that. Jazz’s little plan backfired too! Then Grim got to Dare Val and Tasha both at once. It was a night full of Double-Dares like these! Grim had the two get into a tickle fight, and the first one that laughs loses! With Val in a light dress (she opted not to swim) and Tasha in a skimpy bikini, it was quite a show, the two women grappling on Val’s beach towel she had me go fetch for her from the resort staff. They were rolling around with each other and wrestling and tickling, and it just looked SO wrong! Tasha finally ended up laughing first, which quickly developed into a maniacal cackle as Val, smirking, encouraged by her victory, tickled Tasha even more while on top of her! Then she stopped abruptly, saying something about ending the “show.” Grim was like, “Yep, got my motivation to handle Jazz tonight.” Oh, GOSH! Then Jazz got to Dare Grim, so she had him pick to women. He picked Jazz and Lora. Then Jazz told him he was benchpressing them both! GOSH! Jazz got Lora to go across Grim while he lay on his back, and she went stiff as a board, and Grim was like, “Just don’t put your butt in my face. That is how you get the pink eye.” Goodness gracious! Then Jazz, grinning like a maniac, plopped down on top of Lora, flopping to give Grim an extra squish. Grim was not to be discouraged – he actually had no problem benchpressing the two elves, even when Jazz was tickling both him and Lora both to make him drop them! Then Tasha spoke up, labeling the feat the “Elf-press!” HA! Grim started benchpressing – ELFpressing – them both, pushing them up and down as though they were paper. Gosh, he’s so strong! He got like a good fifteen or so reps in, then stopped to let them up. Goodness gracious, if I ever have heavy lifting to do, I’m calling Grimmie! Then Val Dared Jazz to go change out of her swimsuit and only wear Tasha’s cloak, wrapping herself in it. Jazz, as it turned out, didn’t GO anywhere to change. She smirked down at Val as she stood, changing right in front of her! EYES AVERTED! GOODNESS GRACIOUS! Every Dare Val does for Jazz BACKFIRES! Lora keeps telling Val that Val doesn’t know Jazz. I guess she’s learning now! Then the next Dare, Jazz got to Dare Lora, so she Dared Lora to shoot a crab claw off of Val’s head from four hundred paces. That one horrified everyone, so Jazz changed it to shooting it off of her own head instead, which Lora didn’t want to do, not wanting to risk Jazz’s head either, so Jazz finally settled for a suggestion of Val’s in which Lora would throw her pistol at Jazz’s face from forty paces. They lined it up, Lora triple-checked to make sure her pistol was not loaded, and then… WHOOSH! The pistol flicked cleanly from Lora’s hand, smashing Jazz right in the NOSE! Jazz fell right over on her back, dazed. KNOCK-OUT PUNCH! She came to a brief moment later, blood streaming from her nose. Tasha rushed over, doing some sort of weird healing magic on Jazz, and the blood stopped. Val looked ecstatic; finally, a suggestion of hers had downed Jazz! But then Jazz sat up straight, still holding her nose and grimacing in pain, except she seemed… excited?! Then she said that that was BRILLIANT! Val’s excitement immediately dropped; she hadn’t expected Jazz to be HAPPY about being bashed in the face with a pistol! But I’m sure, once Val learns more about Jazz’s personality, she’ll find the right ways to pull some really good fast ones over on Jazz, because Val is really smart!

That one ended up being the last round of the evening, so we all packed up to go. Then there was one last surprise… the Lightforged Draenei mage in our company, Aedia, AKA Star, had been summoned in by my bestie Nah to make some portals for everyone to go home! Gosh, it’s been a while since I’ve been able to write about her! Haven’t seen her in a bit! Jazz and Grim opted to get a room for the night at the resort, which prompted everyone to get out quick. No one wanted to hear all THAT noise! So we said our goodbyes, headed through the portals, and got home. It was a super funny, though blushworthy, night! I LOVE Deathrolls!

Then last night was the Whitewind Company weekly adventure! It was me, my bestie Nah, Lora, and our old friend Annasanna Moonblossom, the worgen druid healer that works for our company! It’s been a while since I’ve had an adventure with her to write about! Maya usually comes, but I think she must have had Voyager business or something and wasn’t able to make it. But anyway, it was finally time to return to Hearthglen, to investigate that awful, sad, horrible murder of Marvin “Hammerhand” Jones, the orphan-turned-blacksmith…

We met in front of the town hall there. My bestie Nah was already there with Annasanna – I’ll call her Anna for short, like I do in person, though hopefully I don’t end up mixing her up with the OTHER Anna healer I know, Dame Annabelle Baker. They’re both so awesome, it’d be an easy mistake to make!

Anywho, yeah, we met up at the town hall and went inside. Secretary Ethel, the old lady we met last time, told us to go ahead in, since we were supposed to be meeting here to speak to Mayor Sanford and Constable Alan to kick things off for the evening. But, when we got in here, they weren’t there! Instead, it was his youngest son Jack, and his wife, the town gossip, Norma! They were just on their way out, with Jack saying that his father, the mayor, should be back in momentarily. Norma, making oogle-eyes at Jack, was talking about how HE should be mayor next, instead of the oldest son! Jack frowned and told her there was no need for such talk, but Norma just kept prattling on!

”The oldest, Zach,” Norma was saying, “is a budding politician in his own right, and everyone believes he'll be Mayor Sanford's successor when the elder Sanford retires. Peyton, the second-oldest, is a decorated Fourth War veteran, a valorous soldier already retired from the Alliance military to lead the Hearthglen militia and guardsmen. But Jack? Jack just runs the local lumber mill, and that's about it. He could have been given the same or equal opportunities, but no! But that's just fine – I'll help him get the prestige he deserves! I'll do ANYthing to see to that!”

”Now, now, Norma,” Jack replied to her, still frowning. “It's not as bad as all that. The lumber mill carries its own prestige. Who else among Bart Sanford's sons is bringing such a hefty gold income into Hearthglen?”

They headed out after that, talking about heading to the aforementioned lumber mill, and Norma was going on and on about how she felt so safe there, that she always goes there if she feels troubled, and how it’s like a second home to her. Gosh, she is ALL ABOUT that boy!

Nah, however, seemed suspicious of her. When she said she’d do ANYthing to help Jack achieve more prestige, she was like, “Hmmm… aaannnnnnyyyyything, you say?” and was frowning at her when she left. I think Nah is reading too much into an offhand comment, but then, Nah IS really intelligent, so who knows? Still, I doubt girly little Norma can take on a huge blacksmith like the Hammerhand in a fight!

Mayor Sanford came in right after that, Constable Alan along with him. After a brief conversation, it was decided that we should investigate our three not-psycho suspects. Lisa too, if possible, but it wasn’t likely that the violent, sociopathic young woman was going to offer up anything useful to us. Constable Alan said we could find Alric Sunrise, the Quel’dorei guy who’s always been so forceful and vociferous in his zeal to have the breastplate of the Quel’dorei princess returned to his people, might be out and about in the town somewhere. Jess Burton, the woman who had long sought both Marvin Hammerhand’s affections AND that breastplate for her family museum, could be found in the inn in the evenings, as could Jon Gerard, the political rival of the Mayor’s who has, according to Norma’s gossip, been going to great lengths to destabilize the mayor, overthrow him, and take his position for himself. Lisa? Who knows where she’d be. We thanked the pair and headed out, leaving them to converse amongst themselves.

We didn’t have to search long for Alric Sunrise!

Secretary Ethel started screeching out front, shouting, “He’s back! He’s back!” and we heard the violent, raised voice of a man with her, demanding to see the mayor, insisting that he’d be turned away no longer. We rushed out to the front lobby, finding him there menacing poor old Ethel, totally enraged and looking out of his mind!

We immediately drew his attention from the elderly woman, and the elf came at us instead, his eyes bulging from his mad face, his spiky blonde hair, nearly white, completing the visage of an elf that had been driven to violent lengths. It was SO SCARY!

Alric was accusing us of being outsiders, USURPERS, yet more humans to steal away what rightfully belonged to his people. But we didn’t want to steal from them! The whole mission had gone from a simple quest to assemble something pretty, to trying to stop what would be, in the wrong hands, a dangerous weapon from being used by evil people to conquer good people! That’s all! But, I gotta admit, he has a point!

Anyway, the point was moot, because we didn’t own the breastplate yet. So it was that Nah was calmly trying to get the point across to Alric, Alright looked ready to attack everyone there, Lora was trying to restrain her own rage, and I, to my shame, was hiding behind my bestie, peeking out around from behind her at him. Alric eventually got so enraged at Nah that he pulled a KNIFE on her! It was a seven-inch blade, freshly sharpened, freshly cleaned, gleaming in the light of the lanterns and candles, and it looked just the same size as the one used to kill Marvin Jones! Oh, GOSH!

Lora immediately pulled her pistol on him, pointing it right at his head, pulling the hammer back slowly enough to give a very audible CLICK. He froze in place, eventually pulling his knife back to himself, but was still being quite ragey. Eventually he left, but not before a few telling remarks about how, “If more deaths are needed to get the artifact returned to my people, then so be it!” and, “Elves have gone to war over less!” Gosh, what a violent person! Motive, means, violence, goodness gracious… what a suspect!

The one thing about him is, though, is that knife… we already have the murder weapon! Yet it could be that he simply got himself a new knife… but that can’t be it; the murder weapon was matched to Marvin’s own sheath in his smithy!

Verrrrry interesting encounter, there…

We next went to the inn. We found it bustling, full of customers, with the innkeeper bustling just as much, topping off drinks and running to and fro with full or empty plates. Which one of this massive crowd was Jess Burton, and which was Jon Gerard?

Anna and Lora soon found people to point out Jess Burton for them, and we went over to find her. Jess was at a corner table next to a window, trying to enjoy a meal, but two men were there with her, sitting at her table and trying to hit on her. GOSH!

Then, when we asked her if she was Jess Burton, she turned around and stood to greet us. We found out immediately why the men were hitting on her – she is very, VERY beautiful! She looks her age, fifty-plus, and yet not in an unattractive way. Jess is a mature woman sporting a perfect figure with hefty curves and a seductive walk that draws the eye first, and then the startlingly green eyes and perfect smile framed by a tidal wave of shiny, sleek, healthy, jet-black hair reaching nearly to her waist hit like a frying pan to the face! Instantly, my self-esteem took a hit. I wish I looked at least half as pretty as her!

Jess is in mourning over her love Marvin, yet her chagrin at being jilted so many times shows repeatedly, as does her desire for the breastplate for her museum. The conversation with her showed a seemingly genuine sadness at his passing, yet, for all her mournful statements, she still couldn’t resist the odd comment here and there about her irritation at being turned down so many times, and at Marvin not being willing to part with the breastplate for any price! She certainly seems like she has motive!

Jon Gerard was next, and he was easy to find.

We found a stately, portly, well-dressed man, front and center of the inn, with a bald, shiny head that had a thick tuft of brown hair ground around the sides and back. The guy had mentioned something about if he’d been mayor, the guards would be organized properly, and the murder would never have happened. That’s how we knew it must be him!

Jon Gerard quickly confirmed he was who we thought, and urged us all to vote for him in the next election. The guy is quite full of himself, really. He even referred to us as novice investigators (I guess he doesn’t know about the Brinebreaker campaign!), and said he had some knowledge on investigating things himself, and that’d he’d be willing to pass his expertise on to less-able investigators like ourselves, totally free, because he was a generous guy. What a ham! Nah, sly as ever, started playing to his pride, and Lora, blunt as ever, pointedly asked him why, if he’s really so great, was he running for office in a town this small? Why not handle the investigation himself, and do something about it himself?

Gerard didn’t splutter or falter at that notion, though his fans in the crowd seemed eager about the notion. Gerard, used to holding court like this apparently, flipped it on Lora, and shifted things back to discrediting Mayor Sanford again, saying that Lora had put her finger right on the issue! Then he turned to his fans in the crowd and said that even the Quel’dorei visitor here was calling for him to be mayor, so that he’d have the authority to handle the murder properly instead of bungling it like the current mayor, and the crowd just ate it right up! What a smooth operator!

But then the porky old man slipped up!

He started going on about how it was his hope that, after the blacksmith’s murder, it was his hope that both the mayor and the townsfolk would realize that Sanford was unfit to lead the town, and that he’d step down. Nah asked why he would step down, and Gerard said that if a man cannot keep order in his own town, then he is unfit to lead it, and that he and the townsfolk would realize that, and he’d step down from his position as mayor and let Gerard himself come in instead!

”So,” Nat replied. “Is that why you murdered Marvin Hammerhand?”

Jon Gerard fell right out of his chair! He bounced once, looking startled, and started spluttering as he rushed up from the floor to resume what he seemed to hope was a stately pose in his chair as he dusted himself off. But he couldn’t form words, and he seemed distinctly panicked! Nah started cackling like a mad fiend, thoroughly enjoying the results she got, saying that THAT was a reaction!

Nah and Lora were now firing barbs at the man, and Lora was asking him how the mines look, which was a reference to the toolbox deep in the mine where we found the bloody knife that had been used to murder Hammerhand. Gerard seemed clueless about that bit, saying that if there was something wrong with the mines, it wasn’t HIS fault, as he wasn’t mayor. He soon recovered at least enough of his dignity to gather himself and leave, stating that he wouldn’t stay and listen to such jibes from outsiders. Goodness gracious, he did not come out of that scene looking too good, especially not from a standpoint of trying to not seem like a murder suspect!

We left after that, wondering what to do next. Likely interview Lisa Stanley, though it wasn’t too likely that she’d be all that helpful. But then we encountered Constable Alan on the road, and he listened to us update him on the interviews so far, and then suggested that, if we didn’t have a definitive suspect from all that, then we should search Marvin Jones’ house. Perhaps the blacksmith might have something in his home that could give us a lead?

Constable Alan lead us to the blacksmith’s home, which was conveniently located right near the smithy. He said he didn’t know where the unfortunately deceased man might have kept a spare key, and that his effects were locked away at present, but Nah said she could pick the lock. Constable Alan didn’t bat an eye at that, already okay with us doing whatever we needed to do to investigate the murder, since we had been deputized to do so by the mayor. So, Nah began to pick the lock.

*WHOO-WHOO-WHOO-WHOO-WHOO-WHOO-WHOO-THUNK!*

A dagger flew through the air from behind us, striking the door HARD and digging in so deep, it didn’t even quiver in place! Worse yet, the dagger had slipped right between the lowest two digits of Nah’s right fore- and middle-finger, only barely missing her fingers and hand! We instantly whirled around to see where the dagger had come from.

There, at the other end of the blacksmith’s front walk behind us, was Lisa Stanley.

The town’s OTHER beauty, though much younger than Jess Burton, the petite blonde woman nearly looked like Princess Ariel Sunstrider come again, her slender, athletic, yet slightly curvy form posed confidently as the smirk on her beautiful porcelain face, framed by perfect, gorgeous blonde hair and set with two deep blue eyes. My self-esteem instantly took another crushing blow, though the next feature to draw my eyes were the scars on her right cheek and at the right corner of her mouth, where both long gouges and permanent welts criss-crossed each other in a latticework of grotesque damage, easily visible even at this distance. Gosh, the Scarlet Crusade really got her good when she was a little girl!

Lora had her pistol drawn the second the dagger hit the door, and Nah had stood up, smirking, a smirk that was only visible to me, as she had her back to Lisa. All I could do was stand there and stare in horror!

Lisa was strutting up the front walk, rolling her lips alluringly, confidence oozing from every part of her. Apparently, she was enjoying the effect her thrown dagger had had on the group! Lisa made her stop, her pistol still drawn, and Lisa obliged with a sneer. Nah asked her if the knife was really necessary, and Lisa countered with asking if our interference was really necessary. She accused us of being interfering outsiders. Nah said that we weren’t interfering, that we had business with the deceased, and Lisa was like, business with a dead man. Eighteen stabs, and you had business with him. She kept saying that as she went back and forth with Nah – eighteen stabs. Nah asked her if that was a confession she was hearing, and Lisa didn’t exactly deny it, instead saying, “Confession? Please. I’ve had enough confessions demanded of me by the Scarlet Crusade. You lot don’t scare me.” She made a good point; the Scarlet Crusade’s dread inquisitors were known for committing horrific atrocities in their violent interrogations of their prisoners!

Nah turned around after that, flagrantly defying Lisa’s continued demands for us not to interfere in “her” business. That also sounded kinda like a confession! Lisa was not looking too good at all in this murder mystery!

Then another unexpected thing happened as Nah tried to pick the lock on the blacksmith’s door…

Norma Sanford had arrived.

Norma stood there on the road, ogling us all, her greedy eyes taking in the scene before her. Nah, picking the lock on a dead man’s house. The door, with a dagger in it. Lisa, standing there looking menacing. Lora, with a gun to pointed at Lisa’s head. Me, looking scared. Norma’s eyes kept going from us to the inn, clearly ready to march straight there with this juicy bit of gossip!

But she never made it there.

Lisa, following the startled gazes Lora and I were giving Norma, turned to spy her on the road. Without a single word of warning, Lisa simply turned on her heel, marched quickly up to Norma, grabbed the hair at the back of the top of Norma’s head, and bent over double HARD, bringing Norma’s head down with her in a blur so fast we didn’t even have time to react! Norma’s face SMASHED off the cobblestone road with a loud CRACK, and she collapsed to the ground, instantly sobbing and wailing in pain, her hands over her nose, which was definitely broken, given the amount of blood spurting from between her fingers. GOODNESS GRACIOUS!

”THAT’S for talking SH** about me to these outsiders the last time they were here!” she snarled at Norma. Lora darted forward, holstering her pistol and grabbing Lisa from behind, twisting her arm instantly behind her back in a way that looked quite painful. Gosh! Then Lisa was on the road herself next to Norma, squashed by Lora, while Nah was shouting loudly for the guards to come and arrest Lisa once more. The whole thing, from Lisa marching up to Norma, to the guards sprinting in to take Lisa off of Lora’s hands, happened so fast, it made my head spin! I doubt the whole thing encompassed more than a single minute!

We tried to go to Norma to comfort her and offer assistance and healing, but she immediately got up to her feet, still wailing and sobbing loudly, bleeding forcefully from her face. She took off in the direction of the lumber mill, the place she said she’d felt safe earlier that evening. Shortly thereafter, a runner emerged from the mill, heading toward the Hearthglen chapel, returning quickly with the little town’s bearded priest. Jack Sanford had likely taken one look at Norma and had sent for him immediately! Gosh, Lisa Stanley is so MEAN! My bestie was looking at me, seeing me crying for poor Norma, and said not to worry, that the priest would make her better in a hurry. That made me feel better too! My bestie’s so great!

After that, Nah took a third attempt at picking the lock on the blacksmith’s door, finally opening it now that there was not a third distraction appearing on the road. We went in, and GOSH, was it dark and dusty in there! The month of no one being in there was definitely noticeable!

We started looking around for clues. The first thing we realized was that Marvin “Hammerhand” Jones had written far more books than just the one we found at the Stormwind Royal Library! He had books on lots of different blacksmithing techniques that he’d either learned from others or had developed himself, stuff on smelting, and even a fictional romance novel about a young boy, growing up as a blacksmith’s apprentice, falling in love with a beautiful girl who also seemed to love him, yet also scared him because there was something… dark about her that he couldn’t put his finger on. Or so the description on the back read.

Lora, searching upstairs, had found something else written by Marvin, though it hadn’t been published… Marvin’s own diary! What a prolific writer! Lora flipped through some of the most recent entries by Marvin, reading them aloud, making me nervous about reading people’s diaries. There were lots of juicy tidbits in there, however – one was about being attacked by Lisa Stanley, who wanted him to make her a sharp, double-edged longsword. Marvin refused, even though she had the gold there in her hand to pay for it, which angered her. She’d taken his blacksmith hammer off his anvil and come after him with it! Marvin didn’t fight back at all, not wanting to hurt the petite young woman, and had ended up suffering damage to his right wrist and forearm as a result. Goodness gracious, she’s so VIOLENT!

Several more entries were about his feelings for Jess Burton, the gorgeous woman he’d known ever since he’d been brought here as an orphan. He’d always liked her, but never felt quite right around her, as though some unknown, hidden darkness within her had spooked him. He thought perhaps that the feeling was related to how Jess Burton had always wanted to get the breastplate from him, a topic of conversation she always turned to, every lunch date, every walk together in the woods, every time they’d spent time together. The latest entries spoke of how she seemed to be getting more and more angry every time he turned her down, though she always seemed to hide her anger well. That doesn’t make Jess look too good either!

Then there were the entries about Alric Sunrise. The elf had come had him countless times, demanding the breastplate be returned to his people, his tone and his threats getting increasingly, zealously violent with each visit. The most recent entry about Alric, shortly before the blacksmith was murdered, was that Alric had said he would personally bring WAR straight to the blacksmith’s doorstep if he didn’t hand the breastplate over soon! Oh gosh!

Lora couldn’t find anything about our final suspect, Jon Gerard, in the recent entries. All she could find was a much older entry in which Jon Gerard had visited him personally during the election year. Marvin had found him warm, genuine, sincere, and charismatic, and had quietly cast his vote for the man, even though he felt either man would do well in the office. The only other thing written about Gerard was that the man seemed to go to curious lengths in his campaign to become mayor, though what those lengths were, Marvin never specified.

So that was it! All four suspects come out looking all the more likely after the diary was read, and we were still no closer to finding a suspect than we were before we got there!

We headed out, decided now to look for Lisa Stanley’s house, wanting to search it next. The violent sociopath had already attacked Marvin once, injuring him, was clearly not reluctant to employ violence when she had the whim, had said that we were “interfering in her business,” had tried to keep us out of Marvin’s house, and had flagrantly and violently attacked the mayor’s own daughter-in-law right in front of us, and obviously didn’t care about who she hurt, so she was a prime suspect. Nah still said that the blacksmith’s murder was done too sloppily for someone with Lisa’s military training to have done, but I still hold that Lisa, who loves to inflict pain on others, might have done it that messily on purpose, to make it hurt more and draw it out longer. She’s so creepy! The Scarlet Crusade REALLY messed her up!

We had no idea which house was Lisa’s, however, but we did happen by the town hall along the way, where we spotted Constable Alan updating Mayor Sanford on Lisa’s attack on Norma. They were out front at the bottom of the stairs, and saw us as we went by. The mayor thanked us for stopping Lisa doing even worse to Norma, and even gave Lora a bag of gold coins for her heroics! He took his leave after that, wanting to hurry over to the lumber mill to check on his son and daughter-in-law. Constable Alan got his update from us, and was happy to point out Lisa’s house for us. Way in the back of town, a small one-story house on a crowded little lane. We thanked him and made our way over.

The back of town was clearly a poor part of town, with a narrow walk leading up like the branches of a tree to the doors of several small houses crammed closely together. Anna was using her worgen nose to catch Lisa’s scent to see which door it led to, but we were able to tell even without that… nearly every house on the lane was cheerfully decorated, even despite looking like poor people lived there. Flowers grew from pots, blossoming in the coming spring. Wind chimes and murals and the old child’s toy could be spotted. All the houses, though poor, looked quite cheery… all except the one at the very far end of the lane. No flowers, no wind chimes, no paintings, no decoration of any kind… save for a straw man wearing a Scarlet Crusade tabard dangling from a tree in the side yard by its neck. Also noticeable was that the shutters on the windows on neighboring houses that faced this little house were all shut, every single one of them.

We’d found the home of the sociopath, Lisa Stanley.

Annasanna confirmed the scent lead to this door, and Nah was ready to pick the lock, but Lora had run out of patience with the horrible, violent young woman. She marched right up the door and kicked the POO outta it! WHAM! But the door didn’t blast open; it just rattled loudly in its frame! Nah and Anna also tried to break in, but it didn’t work! Finally, Nah resigned herself to having to pick the lock after all, but Lora was still cranky. She drew her gun, blasted the hinges top and bottom, then kicked the door once more. BAM! The door flew inward, splinters and hardware scattering all over the floor. Gosh, Lisa was going to be so MAD when she got out of jail again!

Nah reassured me that she’d get Tashaleth Galewind up here to work her strange chronomagic and reset the place to its original state and cleanliness, and we entered and began searching.

Nah soon found a photograph, lovingly cared for, in a frame on a shelf. The picture was of a little blonde girl, innocent and cheerful and carefree, smiling like the sun with pure happiness as she was clutched by a young man and woman, also blonde, each one looking like the happiest person in the world. They were standing in front of a fountain in some town’s square somewhere. Was this Lisa as a child? Were these her parents? The lovingly cared-for state of the picture and frame, and the presence of a tearstain in the bottom right corner, certainly made it seem so! Gosh, it was so sad, I found myself in tears yet again! The Scarlet Crusade is full of such HORRIBLE people!

Anna, however, was soon snarling quietly, the worgen bristling, her hackles raised. When questioned she said she smelled BLOOD!

Anna followed the smell around the tiny house, soon finding herself in a sort of kitchenette. There was a cabinet there she was sniffing at. Opening it, we found…

…nothing but CUPS!

Anna was not to be deterred, however. She started pulling cups out quickly, still sniffing the cabinet hard. Then she stopped – and pulled out a ball of black cloth! Shaking it out, it was revealed to be BLOODY BLACK ROBES AND GLOVES! Worse still, there was a bit of sleeve missing, where part of the cuff had been ripped away! Gosh, just like the black bit of cloth Maya found in the smithy! Just like the miner in the mines had described seeing someone wearing the morning of the murder before they ran off and disappeared into the fog! Goodness gracious…

The murder was LISA STANLEY ALL ALONG!

By this time, though, it was SUPER late, we’d been investigating way longer than usual, and everyone in the town had gone to bed. We were ready to go as well, feeling pretty tired by this point. Nah and I decided to quietly inform the mayor, not wanting to start a panic in the town with the news, especially as our murderer is already safely behind bars. We got him to quietly keep the news to himself for the moment so we can come back and confront Lisa in her cell next week. Gosh, what a moment! WE’VE SOLVED THE MYSTERY! I can’t want to get back next week and finish this thing off! THAT BIG MEANIE IS GOING DOWN!

I was still in tears, however, over seeing Norma Sanford wailing and sobbing in pain, her poor crushed nose, and seeing that extremely sad picture of Lisa as a child with her parents. Nah decided to cheer me up by offering to go with me back to that fair in Uldum before they close up for the night. Feeling a bit better, I agreed. I have the bestest bestie in the whole wide world!

A few flights and portals later, we found ourselves in the market in the oasis town in Uldum, right in front of Anna’s and Nate’s stall! Still feeling a bit queasy over the idea of twenty more pancakes – except this time, it was waffles – I decided to forgo the contest, instead getting a waffle melt that’s made just like my usual pancake melt I get from them! My bestie didn’t get anything, but then GRIMMIE CAME! He’d been back late tonight, having had other work to attend to until now, but now he was here with us! He got so much food! Some kinda breakfast pizza made out of waffles with eggs, bacon, sausage, and gravy, as well as macaroni and cheese. Anna had suggested the two when Grim asked what she recommended, and Grim, in true Grim fashion, was like, “How about both?” GOSH! Hungry Grimmie! Hehe! The macaroni and cheese was as strange but awesome as the breakfast pizza that Nate had made. There was macaroni, lots of cheese melted on it, pork, then MORE cheese melted on it, then a rib and barbeque sauce on top! Of course Grim at BOTH meals fast, scarfing them down as though he hadn’t eaten in a week. What a ham!

We were all tired from the adventure, and Father’s Fixin’s was closing down, but I did get a chocolate milk with my meal, and Grimmie and I were also offered freebies, which was the special for the waffle day. Grim didn’t take one, but I got this really cool mouse keychain, crafted to look like the mouse was made from waffles! How cute! I love it! I instantly put it on my keys! It made me happy!

Feeling cheered up, I decided I was ready for bed, especially as the fair was closing down anyway. I said goodnight to my bestie Nah and my old buddy Grimmie after we finished eating and we all went home. Goodness gracious, what a night it had been!

Celeste is through eating and trading funny stories with the dwarves, however, so I think we’re ready to head out for more snowshoeing! Dordy’s certainly done eating, having eaten in seconds, so I’m sure he’s ready for more adventuring as well! I’m also ready, so I’m gonna head out! Gosh, this is invigorating! Just like I hope next week will be! I can’t wait to see what happens next week in Deathrolls, and with Fo Fook’s fishing contest, and with the Hearthglen mystery, now that that’s solved! Hopefully the workend goes by as fast as this past one did, and I can get right back to it! YAY!

Nat squirmed with excitement, ready for more adventuring, both this week and next. She tapped off the excess ink from her quill into her inkwell, capping the inkwell and replacing the quill in its case, then snapping that shut and returning everything to her pack. She stopped and finished off her dwarven hot cocoa, then closed her diary, the ink on the pages now dry. After that went back in the pack, she stood, Celeste standing with her, Dordy instantly waking up and getting on his feet as well and shaking himself out. They said their farewells to the friendly dwarven mountaineers and departed the lodge.

Their hike took them through much more forest of evergreen trees, across open, snowy fields, and over the snow-covered foothills of Ironforge’s mountain range. The wind and the cold chilled them, yet not overly so, with the cold weather gear Nat had selected still being supplemented with Celeste’s fire magic infusing the gear with warmth.

Dordy continued hopping along behind them, shaking himself out frequently, melted snow slush flying as before. His own adventures continued, diving into the snow, coming up with sticks and stones and the odd discarded canteen or lost dwarven boot or glove. As the happy little family approached Ironforge, the rabbits and hares grew more sparse, and Dordy’s findings became increasingly mundane. Before long, they found themselves snowshoeing up the famous, narrow front ramp of Ironforge, eventually reaching the gate, where they took off their snowshoes and headed inside, tired and exhilarated from the day’s wonderful hike, beating the familiar path to Uncle Rugnar’s home.

Warm light and the smells of a warm meal greeted them at the door along with Uncle Rugnar, who had the meal ready in expectation of his family’s arrival. A hot dwarven stew, heavy with meat and veggies in a finely crafted broth and seasoned to perfection, dwarven stout to help “warm th’ bones,” as Rugnar put it, and warm, fresh buttered bread were the first order of business, eaten next to a warm fire. It was the perfect end to a perfect day, and Nat, tired from the day’s – and week’s – fun, fell asleep not too long after dinner and couch time with Rugnar trading stories, warm in a comfortable bed upstairs in Celeste’s old room, daydreaming of hilarious Deathrolls and thrilling adventures in the week to come before drifting off to sleep and dream some more of the same. It had been a great week, and the next week was shaping up to be much the same!